Growing up with terrible (or no!) role models can leave lasting impacts on a person’s behaviour and outlook.
Sadly, people who lacked positive examples in their formative years often develop less than positive characteristics. These traits aren’t destiny – they’re patterns that can be spotted and addressed. If you see yourself in these descriptions, it’s time for some honest self-reflection and possibly some changes.
1. Trust issues
People raised with unreliable role models often struggle to trust. They’ve learned early that those who should be dependable aren’t always so. This manifests as scepticism in relationships, both personal and professional. They may constantly expect everyone to let them down or betray them. This wariness can prevent them from forming deep connections or fully engaging in teamwork, as they’re always waiting for the other shoe to drop.
2. Tendency to self-sabotage
When success feels unfamiliar, some people subconsciously undermine their own progress. This might look like procrastination, making poor decisions at critical moments, or abandoning projects just as they’re about to succeed. It’s a protective mechanism – if you never truly try, you can’t truly fail. Breaking this cycle requires noticing the pattern and consciously pushing through the discomfort of potential success.
3. Inconsistent personal boundaries
Source: Unsplash Without good examples of healthy boundaries, many fluctuate between being overly permissive and rigidly closed off. They might let people take advantage of them, then abruptly cut people off when it becomes too much. Learning to set and maintain consistent, reasonable boundaries is a crucial skill they often need to develop consciously as adults.
4. Difficulty expressing emotions appropriately
Poor role models often provide inadequate examples of emotional expression. This can result in people who either suppress their feelings entirely or express them in explosive, uncontrolled ways. They might struggle to identify and articulate their emotions, leading to misunderstandings and conflicts in relationships. Learning healthy emotional expression becomes a key area for personal growth.
5. Perfectionism or complete lack of standards
Source: Unsplash Some people swing to extremes – either demanding perfection from themselves and other people, or having virtually no standards at all. The perfectionism often stems from a fear of criticism or a need to prove their worth. Conversely, a lack of standards can come from never having been taught the value of quality work. Finding a balanced approach to expectations and effort is a common challenge.
6. Chronic indecisiveness
Source: Unsplash Without positive examples of decision-making, some people struggle to make choices confidently. They may agonise over minor decisions or avoid making them altogether. This indecisiveness can stem from a fear of making the ‘wrong’ choice, or from never having been taught how to weigh options effectively. It can significantly hinder personal and professional progress.
7. Difficulty maintaining long-term relationships
People who grew up with poor relationship models often struggle to maintain healthy, long-term connections. They might repeat dysfunctional patterns they observed in childhood, have unrealistic expectations, or bail out at the first sign of conflict. Learning to navigate the complexities of sustained relationships becomes a significant challenge they must actively work to overcome.
8. Imposter syndrome
A lack of positive reinforcement or acknowledgment in childhood can lead to persistent feelings of inadequacy, even in the face of clear success. These people might constantly feel like frauds, waiting to be ‘found out.’ They struggle to internalise their achievements and often attribute their successes to luck rather than their own abilities. Overcoming this mindset requires conscious effort to recognise and celebrate personal accomplishments.
9. Difficulty asking for help
Those who couldn’t rely on their role models often develop a fierce independence. While self-reliance can be positive, taken to extremes it becomes a barrier. They may see asking for help as a sign of weakness or fear being let down if they do reach out. Learning that it’s okay – and often necessary – to ask for help is a crucial step in personal growth.
10. Tendency to be overly critical
Growing up with highly critical role models can lead to perpetuating that behaviour. These people might be harsh judges of themselves and everyone around them, always focusing on flaws and shortcomings. This critical nature can strain relationships and lead to a generally negative outlook. Learning to balance constructive criticism with appreciation and positivity often requires conscious effort.
11. Struggles with anger management
Poor role models often provide inadequate examples of handling anger. This can result in people who either suppress their anger entirely or express it in destructive ways. They might have explosive outbursts or engage in passive-aggressive behaviour. Learning healthy ways to acknowledge, express, and channel anger becomes a key area for personal development.
12. Difficulty setting and pursuing goals
Without positive examples of goal-setting and achievement, some struggle to envision and work towards long-term objectives. They might live day-to-day without a clear direction, or set unrealistic goals without concrete plans to achieve them. Learning to set achievable goals and persistently work towards them is a skill they often need to develop consciously as adults.
13. Tendency to repeat negative patterns
Despite knowing the harm caused by their role models, many find themselves unconsciously repeating the same negative behaviours. This might manifest in choosing similar partners, parenting in the same problematic ways, or recreating dysfunctional work environments. Breaking these cycles requires deep self-awareness and a committed effort to make different choices.
14. Difficulty with financial management
Poor financial role models often lead to struggles with money management in adulthood. This can manifest as overspending, inability to save, or extreme financial anxiety. These people might lack basic budgeting skills or have unhealthy attitudes towards money. Learning sound financial practices and developing a healthy relationship with money becomes a crucial area for growth.
15. Struggles with addiction or compulsive behaviours
Exposure to addictive behaviours or lack of healthy coping mechanisms can increase vulnerability to addiction. This isn’t limited to substance abuse – it can include workaholism, gambling, or other compulsive behaviours. These people might use these behaviours as escape mechanisms or ways to fill emotional voids. Noticing these patterns and looking for healthier alternatives is key to breaking the cycle.
16. Difficulty accepting compliments or praise
Those raised without positive reinforcement often struggle to accept praise gracefully. They might deflect compliments, feel uncomfortable when recognised, or immediately counter praise with self-deprecation. This stems from deep-seated feelings of unworthiness or discomfort with positive attention. Learning to accept and internalise positive feedback becomes an important step in building self-esteem.
17. Tendency towards black-and-white thinking
Poor role models often fail to demonstrate nuanced thinking. This can lead to a tendency to see things in absolutes – people are either all good or all bad, situations are either perfect or terrible. This black-and-white mindset can lead to unrealistic expectations and difficulty navigating complex situations. Developing the ability to see and appreciate shades of grey becomes crucial for mature decision-making.
18. Difficulty with self-care
Without examples of healthy self-care, many struggle to prioritise their own wellbeing. They might neglect their physical health, push themselves to burnout, or feel guilty about taking time for themselves. Learning that self-care is not selfish, but necessary for overall wellbeing and productivity, is often a significant shift in mindset.
19. Resistance to change
Poor role models often create environments of instability, leading some people to cling rigidly to what’s familiar, even if it’s not ideal. They might resist positive changes out of fear or discomfort with the unknown. Alternatively, they might create chaos to recreate the unstable environments they’re used to. Learning to embrace positive change and create stable, healthy routines becomes a key challenge in personal growth.
