Being able to laugh at yourself and see the ridiculousness in life is one of the most useful skills you can have.
Sadly, not everyone does, and as a result, they end up taking themselves — and everything they do — far too seriously. They just don’t know how to lighten up, and it’s obvious in everything they do and say. If you hear these phrases coming from them regularly, they need to learn how to chill out a bit.
1. “I find that highly unprofessional.”
This comes out whenever anyone dares to have a bit of fun at work. Heaven forbid someone sends an email without proper formatting or laughs too loudly in the break room. They’ll make it their mission to remind everyone that this is a workplace, not a social club. These are the people with a running list of every time someone broke their unwritten rules of professionalism. The best part is watching them try to enforce their rules at the office holiday party.
2. “Actually, I prefer to be called…”
Source: Unsplash Watch out if you dare use their nickname or forget their preferred title. They’ll stop entire meetings just to correct someone who called them ‘Mike’ instead of ‘Michael.’ Their name becomes the most important topic of any conversation it comes up in. Nothing says “I take myself too seriously” quite like sending follow-up emails about proper name pronunciation. They’ll tell stories about how even their family uses their formal title.
3. “What are your credentials?”
They bust this one out before letting anyone share an opinion on anything. Twenty years of real-world experience means nothing without the right degree from the right university. They need to verify everyone’s qualifications before a simple workplace discussion can begin. You’ll catch them Googling people under the table during meetings just to fact-check their background. When they can’t question someone’s credentials, they’ll start questioning their experience instead.
4. “That’s not how I would handle it.”
They just can’t help themselves when someone does things differently. Even when a project turns out great, they need everyone to know their way would have been better. They’ll spend more time explaining their preferred method than it would take to actually do the task. You’ll find them sending lengthy emails about the proper way to load the office printer. The funny thing is, they rarely actually handle anything themselves.
5. “We need to discuss your tone.”
The tone police have arrived, and they’re not happy about that exclamation mark you used in your email. They’ll schedule a meeting to talk about how your “Good morning!” was a bit too cheerful for professional communication. These are the people who print out email chains just to highlight instances of casual language. They spend their evenings drafting guidelines about appropriate workplace communication styles. The real kicker is when they send passive-aggressive emails about being more direct.
6. “This requires a formal meeting.”
Got a quick question? Not so fast — better schedule a meeting to discuss the possibility of having another meeting. They’ll bypass the two-minute corridor chat in favour of a full hour-long session with minutes and action points. Their calendar looks like a game of Tetris with all the blocks of meeting time. They’ll even send meeting requests to discuss why you didn’t attend their last unnecessary meeting.
7. “I’m quite particular about these things.”
Code words for “I’m about to make everyone’s life difficult over something tiny.” They have strong opinions about which direction paper clips should face and where exactly the stapler belongs. Their desk looks like it’s been arranged with a ruler. They’ll spend half an hour explaining their filing system to anyone who dares touch their documents. Watch them twitch when someone leaves the office supplies slightly out of alignment.
8. “This reflects poorly on us all.”
A typo in an internal email suddenly becomes a corporate crisis. They act like the company’s entire reputation hangs on whether someone used the correct font in their presentation. Every small mistake gets treated like it’s going to make front-page news. They keep a special folder of “incidents” that only they care about. The amount of sleep they lose over minor details would impress an insomniac.
9. “We must maintain standards.”
Their standards are always just a bit higher than whatever everyone else is doing. They’ve probably got a personal rulebook that’s longer than the official company policies. Every casual Friday brings a new lecture about what constitutes “appropriate” casual wear. They start each day looking for new standards to create and enforce. Nothing brings them more joy than adding another rule to their ever-growing list.
10. “I’ve escalated this matter.”
The workplace equivalent of telling the teacher. They bypass normal channels because everything is urgent in their world. That missing semicolon in your report? That’s going straight to the CEO. They keep a detailed log of every minor issue they’ve ever escalated. Sometimes they escalate things just to prove they can do it.
11. “This behaviour is unacceptable.”
Usually said about something completely acceptable, like laughing during a meeting or eating lunch at your desk. They treat normal human behaviour like it’s a serious breach of protocol. Their list of “unacceptable” things grows longer by the day. You’ll often hear this phrase followed by a dramatic exit from a perfectly normal situation.
12. “I expect better from this organisation.”
Translation: nothing is ever good enough. They talk about the company like they’re its disappointed parent. Every minor hiccup becomes proof that standards are slipping. They reminisce about the good old days that never actually existed. The irony is they’re usually the newest person in the office.
13. “This requires immediate attention.”
Everything is urgent to them — especially at 4:55 PM on a Friday. They send emails marked “URGENT” about the coffee machine being half empty. Their definition of “immediate” means dropping everything you’re doing right now. They’ll follow up their urgent email with an urgent phone call about the urgent message they just urgently sent.
14. “I’ll need that in writing.”
They want a paper trail for everything, including casual chats by the water cooler. Every conversation needs to be documented, timestamped, and filed away. They probably have recordings of their own voicemail messages, just in case. Their email folder system has subfolders of subfolders of subfolders. Even their sticky notes get scanned and archived.
15. “We should review the protocol.”
Because there’s nothing more fun than adding extra steps to simple tasks. They’ve got protocols for protocols at this point. Every basic office function needs a seventeen-step review process. They spend more time writing procedures than actually doing work. The word “spontaneous” gives them a headache.
