Every school has a bully, and you likely remember yours well.
Whether or not they ever turned their tormenting ways on you, you can’t help but wonder what they’re like now that they’re all grown up and would have to pick on people their own size. While some childhood bullies do eventually realise the error of their ways and focus on becoming better, kinder people, a vast majority of them develop these qualities in adulthood.
1. They gossip strategically.
Instead of passing notes in class, they now spread rumours in the workplace or social circles. They share private information about other people while making it sound like concerned conversation. They love being the one with inside knowledge about everyone’s business. The playground whispers have just moved to the office kitchen or group chats.
2. They mock in subtle ways.
Gone are the obvious name-calling days — now they use backhanded compliments and sarcastic remarks that leave you feeling small. They’ll point out your new haircut with a tiny smirk, or comment on your presentation with just enough edge to make you doubt yourself. Their jabs are always wrapped in plausible deniability.
3. They create inner circles.
Just like picking teams in school, they still love making people feel left out — but now it’s about exclusive dinner parties or private WhatsApp groups. They deliberately let people know about gatherings they weren’t invited to. Their social media becomes a showcase of who’s “in” and who’s not.
4. They take credit easily.
They snatch recognition for group work, just like they used to claim credit for school projects. During meetings, they speak up about team achievements using “I” instead of “we.” If something goes wrong, suddenly it’s all about the team’s mistakes. They master the art of stepping into the spotlight while pushing other people into the shadows.
5. They can’t handle being wrong.
Making mistakes sends them into defensive mode instantly. They’ll blame everyone else, twist facts, or change the subject rather than admit they messed up. Even with clear evidence, they’ll argue their point until everyone else gives up from exhaustion. Their need to always be right hasn’t changed since playground arguments.
6. They love public takedowns.
Instead of shouting across the playground, they now criticise people in group emails or during meetings. They wait for moments when other people can’t easily defend themselves. Their timing for embarrassing comments is always perfect — just when there’s an audience but minimal chance for a comeback.
7. They collect weak spots.
They remember every detail you’ve shared about your insecurities or struggles. These get filed away for future use, brought up casually when they want to throw you off balance. They notice what makes you flinch and store that information like ammunition. Your vulnerable moments become their power tools.
8. They build fake friendships.
They get close to people they actually look down on, gathering information while pretending to care. They’ll act like your best mate one day, then suddenly go cold the next. Just when you think you’re friends, they’ll use something you shared against you. Their loyalty switches depending on what benefits them most.
9. They control through favours.
They love making people feel indebted to them. They’ll help you out, but remind you about it forever. Each favour comes with strings attached, yet refusing makes you seem ungrateful. They create a web of obligations that’s hard to escape without looking like the bad guy.
10. They dismiss your wins.
When something good happens to you, they find ways to minimise it. Your promotion was just lucky timing, your new relationship won’t last, your achievement isn’t that special. They can’t stand seeing other people shine and always need to dim your light somehow. Your success somehow becomes about their opinion of it.
11. They pick safe targets.
They never punch up — only sideways or down. They’re experts at identifying who they can push around without consequences. Watch how differently they treat people with more power versus those with less. Their courage only shows up when they’re sure they’ll face no pushback.
12. They gang up quietly.
Instead of obvious group confrontations, they build silent coalitions against people. They plant doubts about someone in different conversations, creating a wave of negativity that seems to come from everywhere. Their influence works through whispers and nods rather than shouting.
13. They play victim expertly.
When called out, they flip the situation completely. Suddenly, they’re the ones being attacked, misunderstood, or treated unfairly. They’ve mastered making other people look like the aggressors while painting themselves as innocent victims. Their tears and hurt feelings come out right when they’re about to face consequences.
14. They rewrite events.
They tell stories about past conflicts that paint them as the hero or the victim, never the instigator. They change details subtly until their version becomes the accepted truth. Past events get twisted to fit their narrative, and they stick to their story so confidently that you start doubting your own memory.
