While open communication is crucial in relationships, some questions really don’t need to be asked (nor do you need to know the answers).
After all, a little mystery is a good thing even in long-term relationships, and everyone is entitled to their privacy. Plus, not every thought or feeling needs to be shared, not even with your other half. With that in mind, here’s a list of questions you might not realise you should avoid asking your partner if you know what’s good for you.
1. Have you ever thought about leaving me?
Source: Unsplash This question can create unnecessary doubt and insecurity in your relationship. It puts your partner in an awkward position where they might feel compelled to lie to avoid hurting your feelings. Instead of asking this, focus on discussing your relationship’s strengths and how you can both work to improve it.
2. Who was better in bed, me or your ex?
Comparing intimate experiences with past partners is a recipe for resentment and insecurity. Wanting to ask this is down to personal insecurities and rarely leads to productive conversations. Instead, focus on discussing what you both enjoy in your current intimate life and how you can enhance your experiences together.
3. Why can’t you be more like my friend’s partner?
Comparing your partner to other people is hurtful and disrespectful. It suggests that you value them less than someone else’s partner, which can be deeply damaging to their self-esteem and your relationship. If there are aspects of your relationship you’d like to improve, discuss them directly without bringing other people into the conversation.
4. Do you think my friend is attractive?
This question is often a trap, regardless of how your partner answers. It can create unnecessary jealousy and tension in your relationship. Remember that finding other people attractive is natural and doesn’t cancel out your partner’s feelings for you. Focus on building trust and security in your relationship rather than seeking reassurance through potentially problematic questions.
5. How many people have you slept with?
Your partner’s sexual history is their private information, and they’re not obligated to share it. This question often comes from a place of insecurity and can lead to judgement or comparison. Instead of fixating on the past, concentrate on your current relationship and ensuring both partners feel respected and valued.
6. Why haven’t you achieved more in your career?
This question implies disappointment in your partner’s professional progress, which can be deeply hurtful. Career paths are personal and often complex. Instead of questioning their achievements, offer support and encouragement. If you’re concerned about financial stability, have an open discussion about shared goals and financial planning.
7. Are you sure you want to eat that?
Source: Unsplash Questioning your partner’s food choices can be hurtful and may contribute to insecurities about body image or eating habits. Unless there’s a serious health concern, avoid commenting on what your partner eats. If you’re worried about their health, have a compassionate discussion about overall wellness rather than criticising specific food choices.
8. Why can’t you just get over it?
This question dismisses your partner’s feelings and experiences. Everyone processes emotions and events differently, and healing takes time. Instead of pushing them to ‘get over’ something, offer support and understanding. Ask how you can help them work through their feelings and be patient with their healing process.
9. Do you really need to spend money on that?
Questioning your partner’s spending habits in this way can come across as controlling or judgmental. Unless their spending is causing serious financial issues, it’s best to avoid criticising individual purchases. If you have concerns about finances, schedule a time to discuss budgeting and financial goals together in a constructive manner.
10. Why don’t you ever listen to me?
This question is accusatory and unlikely to lead to productive communication. If you feel unheard, it’s better to address specific instances and express how they made you feel. Use ‘I’ statements to convey your feelings, and work together to improve your communication skills as a couple.
11. Don’t you think you’re too old/young for that?
Questioning your partner’s choices based on their age can be patronising and hurtful. It suggests that you don’t trust their judgement or respect their decisions. Instead of age-based criticism, focus on understanding their motivations and supporting their interests, regardless of societal expectations about age.
12. Why can’t you be more adventurous in bed?
This question can make your partner feel inadequate or pressured. Sexual preferences and comfort levels are deeply personal. Instead of framing it as a shortcoming, have an open, non-judgmental conversation about your desires and fantasies. Approach the topic with sensitivity and respect for each other’s boundaries.
13. Are you sure you’re not overreacting?
Dismissing your partner’s emotions by suggesting they’re overreacting is invalidating and can damage trust. Everyone experiences and expresses emotions differently. Instead of questioning the validity of their feelings, try to understand their perspective. Ask how you can support them and show empathy for their emotional experience.
14. Why do you always/never do this?
Using absolutes like ‘always’ or ‘never’ is rarely accurate and often leads to defensiveness. These statements oversimplify complex behaviours and ignore exceptions. Instead of making sweeping generalisations, address specific instances of behaviour that concern you and discuss how you can work together to find solutions.
15. Don’t you think it’s time to lose some weight?
Commenting on your partner’s weight can be extremely hurtful and damaging to their self-esteem. Bodies change over time, and weight is influenced by many factors. If you’re concerned about your partner’s health, approach the topic with sensitivity, focusing on overall wellness rather than appearance. Encourage healthy habits that you can adopt together.
16. Why can’t you be more like me?
This question suggests that your way of being or doing things is superior, which can be incredibly hurtful to your partner. Relationships thrive on the unique qualities each person brings. Instead of trying to change your partner, appreciate your differences. Focus on how your individual strengths complement each other and contribute to your relationship.
