Women like to see ourselves as open books, but not all of us are that easy to understand.
That’s not because we’re deliberately trying to be mysterious or difficult, but because some things just feel better kept to ourselves. Whether it’s to spare their feelings, maintain a little intrigue, or simply because we don’t think it needs to be said, here are 15 secret things women will probably never tell a man.
1. We don’t always love your “helpful” advice.
When a woman vents about her bad day or a problem she’s dealing with, she’s not always looking for solutions. She often just wants to feel heard and understood. Offering advice might come from a good place, but she won’t tell you that sometimes, all she wants is a “That sounds tough—how can I support you?” instead.
2. We notice everything you don’t.
Whether it’s a subtle shift in your tone, the way you looked at your phone during dinner, or the fact that your socks don’t match, women tend to pick up on the details. We might not say anything, but trust that we’re clocking those little things, even if we let them slide.
3. We have secret “me time” rituals.
Source: Unsplash From indulging in our favourite snacks to binge-watching a guilty-pleasure show, women often have little rituals we enjoy when no one’s around. We won’t tell you because we love that these moments are just for us—no judgement, no interruptions. If we want to eat an entire large pizza to ourselves while watching an entire season of “Made in Chelsea” in a single sitting, we can.
4. We sometimes compare you to our ex.
It’s not necessarily a bad thing, but women can’t help but reflect on how our current relationship measures up to the past. Whether it’s noting how much better you handle conflicts or how differently you approach life, these comparisons happen, but we’ll probably never admit it out loud. It’s unnecessary and hurtful, so we just keep it to ourselves.
5. We Google things about our relationship.
Source: Unsplash Whether it’s looking up how to handle your quirks or searching “What does it mean if my boyfriend hates texting?” women often turn to the internet for relationship advice. It’s not because we’re unsure of you—it’s just a way to process things on our own before bringing them up. Nothing like going down a Reddit hole at 3 a.m. reading posts from women whose relationships seem scarily similar to ours…
6. We pretend not to hear your snoring.
Snoring is a universal relationship struggle, and while we may roll our eyes in the middle of the night, women often don’t mention it every time. Why? Because we know you can’t help it, and sometimes, it’s just not worth the battle. If it’s bad enough, we’ll have to invest in some earplugs.
7. We want to feel adored, even on bad days.
We might not come out and say it, but women love knowing they’re cherished, even when we’re in sweatpants, with no makeup, and a messy bun. A small compliment or a casual “You look great” goes a long way in making us feel loved and confident. We don’t expect constant praise or for you to lay it on thick, but a little something never hurt.
8. We have secret insecurities about the relationship.
Even the most confident women have moments of doubt, wondering if we’re enough or if things are truly on solid ground. We won’t always voice these thoughts because we don’t want to sound needy, but a little reassurance can work wonders. Thankfully, these wobbles are usually temporary, but they’re still upsetting when they happen.
9. We overanalyze your texts.
Source: Unsplash A simple “Ok” or a delayed response can send us into overthinking mode, even if it’s completely innocent on your end. We won’t tell you we spent 20 minutes wondering if you’re annoyed—we’ll just shrug it off like it’s no big deal. However, we secretly go into a little tailspin trying to think of what we could have done wrong or what you might be hiding before talking ourselves back ’round to reality.
10. We want you to notice the small changes.
When we get a haircut, try a new lipstick, or rearrange the living room, we hope you’ll spot it without being told. We might never call you out for not noticing, but trust that it matters to us when you do. It shows you’re paying attention and are engaged in the relationship, and that gives you serious brownie points.
11. We sometimes check your social media activity.
It’s not about mistrust—it’s curiosity. Women often scroll through your Instagram likes or notice who’s commenting on your posts. We won’t say anything because it’s not a big deal, and we know we’ll look a bit crazy, but we’re quietly keeping tabs.
12. We fake enthusiasm for some of your hobbies.
Source: Unsplash If we’re nodding along while you explain your fantasy football draft or the specs of your new car, we might not be as into it as she seems. We won’t tell you we’re feigning interest because we genuinely want to support you, even if it’s not our thing. The things that are important to you are important to us because you love them, but we’re probably not all that invested on a deep level.
13. We plan hypothetical futures.
Source: Unsplash Even if it’s early days, women can’t help but daydream about where things could go—future holidays, dream homes, or even baby names. we’ll likely keep these musings to ourselves until it feels safe to share, but trust that we’ve thought about it.
14. We remember everything you’ve ever said.
Source: Unsplash That random story you told about your childhood dog or the fact that you hate pineapple on pizza? It’s all filed away in our mental library. We won’t bring it up often, but it’s there, proving we’ve been paying attention all along. If we get a chance to whip out this deep-rooted knowledge to surprise you in a special way, rest assured we will.
15. We want you to take the lead sometimes.
Source: Unsplash While we value equal partnership, women often appreciate when you take charge now and then. Planning a date or making a decision without asking for input every step of the way can make us feel cared for. We won’t always say it, but taking the reins occasionally is a great way to show you’re invested.
