If you’re feeling burnt out from bad dates, you’re definitely not alone.
According to The New York Times, nearly half of dating app users say that dating is a negative experience, and it makes a lot of sense. However, it doesn’t have to be so miserable, whether you’re looking for love online or trying to meet someone the old-fashioned way. Sometimes all it takes is a few smart tweaks to change your experience completely. Try out these rules—you might be surprised at what a difference they make.
1. Stop giving second chances to obvious red flags.
Source: Unsplash We’ve all been tempted to overlook warning signs because someone’s cute or funny, but ignoring those gut feelings usually leads to wasted time. If something feels off during the first date, trust that instinct instead of giving them endless benefit of the doubt.
It doesn’t mean you need to be ruthless, but it’s okay to honour what you notice early on. First impressions often reveal more than we realise, and you deserve to focus on people who actually show up right from the start.
2. Keep first dates casual and short.
Dragging out a first meeting for hours can create pressure that neither of you needs. Aim for simple plans like coffee or a walk—something with a natural end point if the vibe isn’t right. If things go great, you can always extend the date, but keeping it short protects your energy. Plus, you’ll be less likely to get stuck trying to force chemistry that just isn’t there when you’ve already built an easy exit into the plan.
3. Stop trying to “win” someone’s approval.
It’s easy to slip into interview mode on a date, but remember: you’re not there to sell yourself. You’re also there to figure out if you even want them. Dating is mutual, not a performance. If you catch yourself overthinking every answer or trying too hard to impress, pull back and focus on how you actually feel around them. A real connection won’t require you to be anything other than yourself.
4. Be clear about what you want upfront.
If you want something serious, say it early and without apology. You’re not being “too much” for setting clear expectations. In fact, it filters out people who don’t want the same thing faster. There’s nothing wrong with wanting casual either, but clarity saves you from investing energy into someone whose path doesn’t match yours. If they get weird when you’re honest about your goals, that tells you everything you need to know.
5. Don’t rely on texting chemistry.
Someone can be charming, hilarious, and totally engaging over text… and still be an awkward disaster in person. It’s easy to create a false sense of connection when the only real bond is digital banter. Use texting to coordinate a meet-up, but don’t build up too many expectations beforehand. True chemistry shows up in body language, energy, and conversation, not emojis and perfectly timed replies.
6. Stick to your dealbreakers, no exceptions.
Everyone has certain non-negotiables, and ignoring them out of loneliness or impatience usually leads to regrets later. Whether it’s smoking, religion, ambition, or family values, it’s okay to honour the things that truly matter to you. Compromise on smaller stuff, sure. But when it comes to the big things that shape your future happiness, stand firm. The right person won’t require you to give up your core needs just to make it work.
7. Watch how they treat people around them.
Source: Unsplash It’s easy to get caught up in how they treat you on a date, but pay attention to how they interact with waiters, Uber drivers, or even random strangers. That’s where their real character shows. If someone’s kind only when it benefits them, it’s a huge warning sign. You want someone whose decency isn’t performative—someone who treats everyone with respect, whether or not they’re being watched.
8. Don’t overshare too soon.
Source: Unsplash It’s tempting to dive deep quickly when the conversation flows, but revealing too much too early can cloud your judgment. Oversharing can create a false sense of intimacy before you really know if they’re trustworthy. Save your most personal stories for people who have earned that level of access to your life. Taking your time isn’t being closed-off; it’s protecting your heart while you get to know someone at a real-world pace.
9. Look for consistency, not intensity.
Big declarations, intense chemistry, and whirlwind excitement feel amazing… but they can also be major distractions from spotting red flags. Real connection is built on steady, reliable actions, not just fireworks at the start. Pay more attention to whether their words and behaviours match over time. Someone who’s genuinely serious about you will show it through consistency, not just grand gestures or fast feelings that burn out quickly.
10. Give yourself permission to leave if it’s not working.
Dating doesn’t have to be some gruelling endurance test. If you know halfway through dinner that it’s not a match, you don’t owe anyone hours of polite conversation just to avoid feeling rude. It’s okay to excuse yourself respectfully and move on. Protecting your time and energy is just as important as being courteous, and the right person will make you want to stay, not count the minutes until it’s over.
11. Remember, attraction isn’t always instant.
Source: Unsplash Sometimes the best connections start off a little slow. If someone ticks your boxes, but you’re not feeling immediate fireworks, give it a little time. Comfort, humour, and emotional attraction often build gradually. Of course, you shouldn’t force anything, but don’t write someone off too quickly just because the first date didn’t feel like a movie scene. Real life chemistry often grows when you least expect it.
12. Don’t treat a bad date like a failure.
Source: Unsplash Not every bad date means you’re doing something wrong. Dating is part luck, part timing, and part learning what you actually need in a partner. Every bad experience teaches you a little more about what feels right. Instead of getting discouraged, treat every date like information gathering. If nothing else, you’re getting closer to figuring out what and who you truly want. That’s progress, even when it doesn’t feel like it.
