When people just don’t seem to “get” you, it’s incredibly frustrating.
In the end, it makes you want to just throw in the towel and become a hermit, but that’s definitely not the way forward. If you’re tired of feeling misunderstood by the people around you, you have the power to change it. Here are some ways to do just that — they might help you get back on the same page as the rest of the world.
1. Stop assuming people can read your mind.
Believe it or not, people aren’t psychic. If you’re miffed about something, say it. Don’t expect your friends or your partner to magically know what’s bothering you. Be clear about your thoughts and feelings. It might feel a bit awkward at first, but it beats sulking in silence and getting more wound up.
2. Actually listen when people are talking to you.
Put down your phone, stop thinking about what you’re going to say next, and really tune in to what the other person is saying. Half the time, misunderstandings happen because we’re too busy coming up with our own response to actually hear what’s being said. Give them your full attention — you might be surprised at what you learn.
3. Ask questions instead of jumping to conclusions.
If something seems off, or you’re not sure what someone means, just ask. It’s dead simple, but so many of us would rather make assumptions than risk looking daft by asking for clarification. A quick “What do you mean by that?” can save you a world of confusion and potential drama later on.
4. Use “I” statements to express your feelings.
Instead of accusing someone with “You always…” or “You never…”, try saying “I feel…” It’s less likely to put people on the defensive and more likely to get your point across. For example, “I feel ignored when you’re on your phone during dinner” hits different from “You’re always ignoring me with your bloody phone!”
5. Be honest about your weaknesses and limitations.
If you’re rubbish at something, own it. Don’t try to bluff your way through or make excuses. People are more likely to understand and help if you’re upfront about your struggles. Plus, it takes the pressure off you to be perfect all the time. We’re all a bit bad at something, aren’t we?
6. Pay attention to your body language.
Your words might be saying one thing, but if your arms are crossed, and you’re avoiding eye contact, you’re sending a completely different message. Make sure your body language matches what you’re saying. It’s not about putting on a show, just being aware of the signals you’re giving off.
7. Stop trying to please everyone all the time.
Being a people-pleaser might seem like a good way to avoid misunderstandings, but it usually backfires. You end up feeling resentful and people still don’t really know the real you. It’s okay to have your own opinions and preferences. Express them — the right people will appreciate your honesty.
8. Give people the benefit of the doubt.
Source: Unsplash Not everything is a personal attack. Sometimes people are just having a bad day, or they’re distracted by their own stuff. Before you assume someone’s out to get you, consider that they might not even realise how their actions are coming across. A little understanding goes a long way.
9. Be willing to explain things more than once.
Just because you’ve said something once doesn’t mean it’s been fully understood. If someone’s not getting it, try explaining in a different way. Use examples, break it down into smaller bits, or ask them to repeat it back to you. You’re not trying to down to people, you’re just making sure you’re on the same wavelength.
10. Stop interrupting people mid-sentence.
It’s tempting to jump in when you think you know what someone’s going to say, but resist the urge. Let people finish their thoughts. Not only is it polite, but you might be surprised by what they actually say. Plus, it shows you value their input, which makes them more likely to return the favour.
11. Be aware of your tone of voice.
Sometimes it’s not what you say, but how you say it that causes misunderstandings. A sarcastic tone or a snippy reply can turn an innocent comment into a full-blown argument. Try to keep your tone neutral, especially when discussing sensitive topics. If you’re feeling wound up, take a breather before responding.
12. Don’t be afraid to ask for feedback.
If you’re constantly feeling misunderstood, ask your mates or colleagues for some honest feedback. They might spot something you’re doing that you’re not even aware of. It takes guts to ask, but it can be eye-opening. Just make sure you’re ready to hear the answer without getting defensive.
13. Learn to express your needs clearly.
Don’t beat around the bush when it comes to what you need. If you need help, ask for it. If you need space, say so. Being direct about your needs isn’t being bossy, it’s being clear. People aren’t mind readers, and most will appreciate knowing exactly what you want or need from them.
14. Take responsibility for your part in misunderstandings.
Source: Unsplash It’s easy to blame other people when communication goes wrong, but it takes two to tango. Be willing to admit when you’ve contributed to a misunderstanding. Maybe you weren’t clear enough, or you made assumptions. Owning up to your part shows maturity and opens the door for better communication.
15. Remember that actions speak louder than words.
Source: Unsplash You can say all the right things, but if your actions don’t match up, people will notice. Make sure your behaviour aligns with what you’re saying. If you tell your friend you value their friendship but never make time for them, your actions are drowning out your words. Consistency between what you say and what you do builds trust and understanding.
