Not every childhood is filled with unconditional love and support.
For some people, the relationship with their parents can feel heavy, distant, or painfully complicated. While resentment from a parent isn’t always expressed outright, it often shows up in subtle but heartbreaking ways. Whether they never got to do the things they wanted before having kids, or they decided to start a family they didn’t really want for the wrong reasons, here are some ways you know your parents resented you (even if they don’t realise it or would never admit it themselves).
1. They made you feel like a burden.
If your parents often sighed or complained when you asked for help or reminded you about their sacrifices, it could have made you feel like you were more of an obligation than a blessing. Over time, you might have learned to avoid asking for help altogether because it felt like an inconvenience. That pattern can carry into adulthood, leaving you hesitant to reach out, even when you need it.
2. They seemed indifferent to your achievements.
When you accomplished something, whether it was small or big, and your parents didn’t seem all that impressed, it could leave you feeling unseen or unimportant. While other kids might have been celebrated with praise, you might have been met with silence or a shrug. That kind of indifference can make you wonder if anything you do will ever be good enough.
3. They compared you to other people all the time.
“Why can’t you be more like your sibling?” “Your cousin did it, why can’t you?” If you grew up constantly being compared to other people, it likely left you feeling like you weren’t enough. Those comparisons are often more about the parent’s frustrations than any real issue with you, but they can be hurtful nonetheless, especially when you’re made to feel like you’re constantly falling short.
4. They prioritised their needs over yours.
Parents are only human, and it’s understandable that they have needs and ambitions too. But when their needs, career, or social life always seemed to come before yours, it could have made you feel like an afterthought. The lack of attention to your own emotional and physical needs can create deep feelings of neglect.
5. Affection felt conditional.
When affection and praise were only given when you performed well or behaved perfectly, it made love feel like something you had to earn. If you failed or didn’t meet expectations, the warmth was withheld, creating a cycle where you felt like you had to always be “good enough” to be loved. This can create a fear of failure that sticks with you for life.
6. They dismissed your feelings.
Were you told to “toughen up” or that you were being “dramatic” when you expressed yourself? Dismissing your feelings rather than validating them is a subtle but harmful way resentment can manifest. It can make you question the validity of your own emotions and make it harder to trust your own instincts as you grow older.
7. They openly expressed regret about having kids.
This is one of the most heartbreaking signs of resentment. If your parents ever said things like, “I could’ve done so much more if I didn’t have kids,” it creates an impossible feeling of guilt. It might have made you feel like you were the cause of their unhappiness, even though you were just a child and didn’t ask to be born.
8. They rarely apologised when they were wrong.
If your parents made a mistake or hurt you, but never apologised — or worse, blamed you for it — you likely grew up without knowing what true accountability looked like. When a parent resents their child, they might refuse to acknowledge their errors, leaving you feeling confused and like you were always at fault.
9. They relied on you for emotional support.
Were you often the one comforting your parents, acting as a mediator in family disputes, or becoming their emotional support system? If you were pushed into an adult-like role as a child, it could have led to feelings of isolation, like your own emotional needs were never fully met because you were always expected to take care of theirs.
10. They favoured one child over another.
In homes where a sibling was the clear favourite, it can create lasting pain. Whether it was more attention, affection, or just general favouritism, it can leave the other child feeling abandoned or unimportant. If you felt like you were never enough compared to your sibling, it may have been a sign that the resentment was directed more at you.
11. They took credit for your accomplishments.
When you succeeded in something, whether it was a big career achievement or something smaller, did your parents make it sound like it was only possible because of their guidance? This undermines your achievements and makes it feel like your hard work was somehow invalid. The “I pushed you to do that” or “You wouldn’t have done that without me” comments diminish your personal effort.
12. They downplayed your struggles.
When you faced challenges, did your parents tell you to “wait until you’re older” or “you think that’s hard?” Their struggles were always more important than yours, and their response to your problems was often to belittle them. It could have made you feel like your pain wasn’t worth acknowledging compared to theirs, reinforcing the idea that your feelings didn’t matter.
13. They avoided spending quality time with you.
If your parents were always “too busy” for you or didn’t make an effort to be present in your life, it could leave you feeling lonely and neglected. When they didn’t make time for your interests or your company, it might have been a sign they resented the time and energy parenthood required, leaving you feeling left out.
14. They used guilt as a tool.
“If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t even have this opportunity.” “After everything I’ve done for you…” Guilt-tripping can be one of the most toxic tools in a parent’s arsenal when resentment builds. They use it to control you, to make you feel like you owe them something, when, in reality, their role was to love and care for you without strings attached.
15. They were overly critical of everything you did.
From your grades to your hobbies to your personal choices, it probably felt like you were never good enough. Constant criticism can feel like being judged for simply existing, leaving you with the sense that nothing you did was ever appreciated. While feedback is normal, being consistently put down or nitpicked can make you feel like you’re constantly falling short, no matter how hard you try.
