Becoming a mum is one of the most exciting, but also one of the most challenging, experiences in life.
Everyone has advice, but not all of it is needed or appreciated. When a new parent is sleep-deprived and adjusting to a whirlwind of changes, some comments can really hit the wrong note. No matter how well-intentioned these things might be, saying them to a woman who’s just had a baby and is working out how to navigate her new life is a big no-no.
1. “Enjoy your sleep now.”
It might seem like harmless advice, but this can be incredibly frustrating for a new mum who’s facing sleepless nights. Telling them to enjoy sleep as if it’s something they can’t experience once the baby arrives can feel dismissive of the very real exhaustion they’re going through. Instead, acknowledge their hard work and the challenges they’re facing.
2. “Are you breastfeeding?”
The decision to breastfeed, or not, is deeply personal and often a sensitive topic for new mums. This question can make them feel judged, especially if they’re struggling with breastfeeding or have chosen formula feeding. Instead, focus on supporting their choices without pushing for specifics on their feeding habits.
3. “You should try this ‘miracle’ product.”
Source: Unsplash It’s tempting to share every product you think could help, but new mums are already overwhelmed by a world of baby gear and advice. Suggesting products can sometimes feel like you’re implying they’re doing something wrong or that they’re missing out. It’s better to simply offer support and let them discover what works for them.
4. “I can’t believe you’re still pregnant!”
Source: Unsplash This comment can be awkward, especially when a mum is nearing the end of her pregnancy and feeling uncomfortable. Asking about her due date is one thing, but expressing surprise that she’s still pregnant may make her feel self-conscious. It’s better to just be excited about the arrival without pointing out how long the wait is taking.
5. “When are you having number two?”
Asking when they plan on having more children can be invasive and insensitive, especially when they’ve just had their first. New mums are still adjusting to the monumental changes of having a baby, and the idea of adding another one can feel overwhelming. It’s important to let them decide when and if they want another child.
6. “You’re so lucky to stay at home with the baby.”
While staying at home with a baby can be a dream for some, it’s also incredibly hard work. This comment can downplay the challenges that come with staying at home and make it seem like an easy choice. Instead, recognise the hard work they’re putting into caring for their baby, regardless of whether they stay at home or return to work.
7. “You’ll lose the weight in no time.”
Source: Unsplash Comments about weight after childbirth are never helpful. New mums are already adjusting to a new body, and comments like this can add pressure to look a certain way. The focus should be on their well-being and health, rather than rushing them to get back to their pre-pregnancy size.
8. “You’ll miss this stage when they’re older.”
While it’s true that babies grow fast, this comment can make a new mum feel guilty for feeling overwhelmed or tired. The newborn stage is tough for many mums, and implying they should enjoy every moment can add pressure to appreciate something they might be struggling with. It’s important to validate their experience and feelings.
9. “I bet you’re so glad it’s over.”
After giving birth, many new mums experience a mix of emotions, and comments like this can make them feel like their feelings are being dismissed. The birth experience can be difficult, and they might still be processing it. Instead of assuming how they feel, offer a listening ear and space for them to share their thoughts.
10. “You look tired.”
New mums know they’re tired. They don’t need anyone to remind them. While it’s okay to acknowledge their exhaustion, this comment can come across as stating the obvious and may even make them feel worse. It’s better to offer help or say something more supportive, like, “Is there anything I can do to help?”
11. “You’re spoiling them.”
Every parent has their own approach to parenting, and many new mums rely on comforting their babies through holding, cuddling, or responding quickly to cries. Telling them they’re spoiling their baby can feel dismissive of their instincts and choices. Instead of criticising, support their efforts and offer positive reinforcement.
12. “Just wait until they’re toddlers!”
New mums don’t need to hear about the next phase of parenting while they’re still figuring out the current one. Comparing the newborn stage to the toddler stage can make them feel overwhelmed and anxious about what’s to come. It’s better to focus on supporting them in the moment and celebrate the milestone they’re currently reaching.
13. “You’ll be back to your old self in no time.”
After giving birth, many mums go through a period of physical and emotional recovery. Saying they’ll be back to their “old self” in no time can be frustrating, as it implies there’s something wrong with the changes they’re going through. Every new mum’s journey is unique, and it’s important to focus on their well-being and allow them to embrace their new identity.
14. “Oh, you’re doing it wrong.”
Offering unsolicited advice on how a new mum is doing things can feel incredibly frustrating. From feeding to changing nappies to sleep routines, there are countless opinions on what’s “right” and “wrong.” Instead of offering criticism, be supportive and ask how you can help or if they need any guidance — without assuming they need your advice.
15. “You’re so lucky to have a baby.”
While having a baby is a beautiful gift, it can also be incredibly overwhelming, exhausting, and stressful. Telling a new mum how lucky she is might diminish the very real struggles she’s facing. It’s more helpful to acknowledge the challenges and offer support rather than making assumptions about how she’s feeling.
