Everyone gets a bit caught up in their own drama from time to time, but self-centredness shouldn’t be a central part of your personality.
After all, there are other people in the world with problems, experiences, and lives that matter just as much as yours, which is why it’s important to be able to zoom out a bit and put your attention somewhere other than on yourself. Maybe you generally do a good job with that, and that’s great, but if you say these things, you might still be coming off as a bit more self-absorbed than you mean to — and than you really are!
1. “That reminds me of something I went through.”
Source: Unsplash While sharing similar experiences can be a way to relate to people, immediately turning the conversation toward yourself can feel dismissive. Instead of exploring the other person’s story, it flips the focus to you, which is unnecessary and really not cool. Listening fully before responding makes it easier to engage without overshadowing their experience.
2. “I know exactly how you feel.”
This phrase, while empathetic in intention, can come across as presumptive. Everyone’s feelings and experiences are unique, so claiming to know their feelings might diminish their individuality. Saying something like, “I can imagine how that might feel” keeps the focus on them while showing understanding.
3. “I would never do that.”
Offering a strong opinion about what you’d do differently can feel like judgement, even if that’s not your intent. It can make people feel defensive about their choices. A more neutral approach, like asking about their reasoning, creates understanding instead of critique. Besides, how can you say what you would or wouldn’t have done in a given situation when you’ve never been in it? Think about that.
4. “You think that’s bad? Listen to this.”
Source: Unsplash Turning someone’s complaint or struggle into a competition can come across as dismissive. Instead of acknowledging their experience, it moves the attention to you. A better response might be validating their feelings before offering your perspective. There’s no medal given for the person who struggles the most, you know.
5. “I’m just being honest.”
Honesty is valuable, but this is often used to justify bluntness or insensitivity. It can come across as putting your opinion above everyone else’s, and that’s selfish. Choosing words with care while still being truthful creates a balance between honesty and kindness.
6. “Well, I’ve done that before.”
Source: Unsplash When someone shares something new or exciting, downplaying it by pointing out your own experience can diminish their enthusiasm. Instead of immediately drawing parallels to yourself, show interest in their story. Celebrating their moment allows them to feel valued.
7. “I just don’t have time for that.”
Source: Unsplash Dismissing someone’s interests or commitments with this comment can imply that your time is more important. It might unintentionally come off as belittling their priorities. A more thoughtful response would acknowledge their interests, even if they’re not shared.
8. “You should have done it this way.”
Source: Unsplash Offering unsolicited advice can make you seem like you think you know better. While your intention might be to help, it can feel like you’re criticising their approach. Asking if they’d like your input before giving advice creates a more collaborative tone.
9. “I’m always the one who has to…”
Source: Unsplash Statements like this can come across as self-pitying or overly focused on your sacrifices. While it’s okay to express frustration, making it about how much you do can overshadow the bigger picture. When you talk about concerns as a shared issue rather than one person’s problem, it promotes teamwork rather than resentment.
10. “I think you’re overreacting.”
Minimising someone’s feelings by calling them an overreaction can feel invalidating. It dismisses their emotions instead of understanding them. A better approach might be to ask questions about why they feel the way they do. Validation goes a long way in creating trust.
11. “I didn’t mean it that way.”
While clarifying your intent is important, this can sometimes pull the focus away from the other person’s feelings to your own defensiveness. It’s better to acknowledge their feelings first, saying, “I’m sorry if that came across wrong,” before explaining further.
12. “Oh, I knew that already.”
Brushing off new information or ideas with this comment can make others feel unheard or dismissed. Even if you’re familiar with what they’re saying, expressing interest in their perspective keeps the conversation engaging. A response like, “I’ve heard about that, but tell me more,” invites them to share further.
13. “I’m not like other people.”
Source: Unsplash While this might be an attempt to stand out, it can come across as self-important or dismissive of others’ qualities. Instead of highlighting how different you are, consider focusing on what makes the other person unique. It creates a more balanced and inclusive conversation.
14. “I could’ve done it better.”
Source: Unsplash This comment, even if said in jest, can undermine someone else’s effort or achievement. It puts the spotlight on your potential rather than celebrating their success. A more positive approach is to acknowledge their effort and show support for what they’ve accomplished.
15. “I just have so much going on.”
Source: Unsplash While sharing your busyness might seem like an explanation, it can feel dismissive to someone seeking your attention or help. It may unintentionally send the message that their needs are less important than your schedule. Instead, try offering a realistic timeline for when you can be available, showing that you care despite your packed schedule.
16. “At least you don’t have to deal with…”
Source: Unsplash Trying to put someone’s situation into perspective can unintentionally dismiss their feelings. Instead of comparing struggles, focusing on empathy and understanding their specific challenge is more impactful. Simply saying, “That sounds really tough,” helps validate their experience without drawing comparisons.
