Love isn’t all butterflies and fireworks — sometimes it’s incredibly boring.
Whether you’ve been coupled up for a few months or a few decades, a stale routine can creep in and leave you desperate for something more. That doesn’t mean you need to break up — however, you do need to break out of the rut you’ve found yourselves in. Here’s how to improve things and get back on track.
1. Get uncomfortable again.
Source: Unsplash Sometimes, you can get so used to someone’s presence that you stop paying attention to what they’re actually saying. You assume you know them so well that you don’t need to listen closely. This can be a subtle shift, but it’s a slippery slope. Make a conscious effort to truly hear what your partner is sharing – their worries, joys, and everything in between.
2. Stop trying to be Instagram-perfect.
We live in a world where social media rules, and where capturing the “perfect” moment seems more important than experiencing it. If you’re constantly snapping photos for your Instagram feed or recording videos for TikTok, you might be missing out on the real thing. Put your phone down, turn off the camera, and simply be together. The memories you make will be far more precious than any digital likes or shares.
3. Don’t get upset when your partner changes or tries something new.
People evolve, and it’s only natural that your partner might develop new interests or try different things. If you find yourself getting upset or resistant when they try something new, it could be a sign that you’re not allowing them to grow as individuals. Embrace their evolution, and maybe even join them in exploring new hobbies or experiences together.
4. Let go of the partner you met and hold on to the one you’ve got now.
We all change over time. Perhaps your partner used to be more spontaneous, or maybe they were more outgoing. If you’re clinging to a past version of them, you’re not appreciating the person they are now. Take the time to rediscover your partner. Learn about their current interests, passions, and dreams. You might be surprised by how much they’ve grown.
5. Find time for connection, no matter how busy you are.
Between work, chores, and social obligations, it’s easy to let quality time with your partner slip through the cracks. Make a conscious effort to carve out time for each other. Even if it’s just a few minutes each day to chat, cuddle, or share a laugh, that dedicated connection can make a world of difference.
6. Don’t keep doing the same old things together.
If date night always means dinner and a film, it might be time to shake things up. Try a new restaurant, take a cooking class together, or explore a different part of town. Breaking out of your routine can inject a much-needed dose of excitement and novelty into your relationship.
7. Don’t expect your partner to be everything for you.
No single person can fulfil all your needs and desires. It’s unfair to expect your partner to be your best friend, confidante, lover, financial advisor, personal chef, and everything else all rolled into one. Cultivate other relationships in your life, pursue your own interests, and allow your partner the space to do the same.
8. Find a way to conjure up the energy to connect.
Life can be tiring, and it’s easy to fall into a rut where you’re both too exhausted to put in the effort required to keep a relationship thriving. Make a conscious decision to prioritise each other, even when you’re tired. Schedule a regular date night, put away your phones for a few hours each week, or simply snuggle up on the sofa and talk.
9. Make each other laugh more often.
Laughter is the glue that holds many relationships together. If you and your partner have lost that playful, silly side, it’s time to rediscover it. Watch a funny film together, tell jokes, or reminisce about funny moments from your past. Injecting a little humour into your daily interactions can go a long way in brightening your mood and strengthening your bond.
10. Remember and be grateful for what you have.
It’s easy to take things for granted when you’ve been together for a while. You may not even realise how much you rely on your partner for support, companionship, and love. Take a moment to reflect on all the positive things they bring to your life. Express your gratitude for them, both verbally and through small gestures of kindness. Showing appreciation can go a long way in rekindling the warmth in your relationship.
11. Be brave enough to try new things together.
Perhaps you’ve always wanted to go rock climbing, but you’re worried your partner won’t be interested. Or maybe you’ve been curious about a new type of cuisine, but you’re afraid they won’t like it. Stepping out of your comfort zones together can be a thrilling way to reignite the spark. It doesn’t matter if it’s a new activity, a different type of food, or even a new place to explore – the key is to embrace the unknown together.
12. Find a way to find common ground.
One of you might love going out to clubs, while the other prefers quiet nights at home. One of you might be a thrill-seeker, while the other enjoys more low-key activities. That’s perfectly okay! The important thing is to find a balance. Compromise is key. Maybe you can alternate between going out and staying in, or try activities that combine both your interests.
13. Give each other more compliments.
When was the last time you told your partner how attractive they are, how much you admire them, or how much you love them? Compliments are a simple but powerful way to show your affection and make your partner feel appreciated. Don’t hold back – let them know how much you care.
14. Voice your thoughts and feelings.
Communication is the foundation of any healthy relationship. If you’re not sharing your thoughts and feelings with your partner, you’re missing out on a deeper connection. Make an effort to have regular, honest conversations about your hopes, dreams, fears, and desires. This will help you understand each other on a deeper level and strengthen your bond.
15. Don’t give up so easily when you’re trying to fix disagreements.
Disagreements are a natural part of any relationship. The important thing is how you handle them. If you tend to let disagreements fester or sweep them under the rug, it can create resentment and distance. Address conflicts promptly and calmly. Listen to your partner’s perspective, express your own feelings, and work together to find a solution that works for both of you.
16. Be willing to initiate sometimes.
If you always wait for your partner to initiate conversations, plan dates, or make the first move, it can create an imbalance in your relationship. Take initiative yourself. Suggest activities, plan a surprise date, or simply start a conversation about something that interests you. This will show your partner that you’re invested in the relationship and willing to put in the effort to keep it thriving.
