No one starts a relationship expecting it to turn sour, but over time, small issues can fester into major problems if left unchecked.
While every couple has their ups and downs, certain patterns are particularly toxic and can lead to resentment and, ultimately, hatred. If you want to avoid heading down that path, watch out for these dangerous habits that can make couples turn against each other.
1. Criticising instead of communicating
Pointing out your partner’s flaws or mistakes without offering constructive feedback is a fast way to breed resentment. Constant criticism can make your partner feel attacked and undervalued. Instead of focusing on what they’re doing wrong, try expressing how their actions make you feel and suggest ways to work together toward a solution.
2. Avoiding hard but necessary conversations
Refusing to address issues because they’re uncomfortable only leads to bigger problems down the road. When couples sweep things under the rug, unresolved tensions build until they explode. Tackling issues head-on might feel awkward, but it’s a crucial part of keeping a relationship healthy and respectful.
3. Keeping score of who’s done what
Tracking who’s contributed more or done less turns a relationship into a competition. A scorekeeping mentality destroys teamwork and shifts the focus from supporting each other to proving who’s “better.” Healthy relationships thrive on mutual effort, not tallying every action to keep things “fair.”
4. Withholding affection out of spite
Using affection—or the lack of it—as a weapon to punish your partner creates emotional distance. It’s a passive-aggressive way of showing anger and makes your partner feel rejected or unloved. Communicating your feelings directly is far more productive than withholding physical or emotional connection.
5. Comparing your partner to other people
Whether it’s a friend’s partner or a fictional character in a film, comparisons never end well. They make your partner feel like they’re falling short and can cause insecurities that damage the relationship. Focus on appreciating your partner for who they are, not who they aren’t.
6. Taking each other for granted
It’s easy to stop noticing the little things your partner does when you’ve been together for a while, but this can make them feel unappreciated. Over time, this neglect breeds resentment. Regularly showing gratitude and acknowledging their efforts keeps the relationship balanced and full of respect.
7. Stonewalling during arguments
Shutting down or refusing to engage when things get heated leaves issues unresolved and creates emotional distance. Stonewalling makes your partner feel ignored and invalidated, which can lead to frustration and anger. Even when it’s hard, staying present and engaged in discussions shows that you care about resolving the conflict.
8. Overusing sarcasm or “joking” insults
While a bit of teasing can be fun, too much sarcasm or using jokes to mask criticism can cut deep. If your partner constantly feels like the butt of your jokes, it chips away at their self-esteem. Being mindful of how your words land helps create a more supportive environment.
9. Neglecting quality time together
Life gets busy, but when couples stop prioritising time for each other, the relationship suffers. It’s not about extravagant dates—it’s about showing up and being fully present. Quality time helps maintain connection and keeps resentment from creeping in over feeling ignored or sidelined.
10. Bottling up emotions
Holding in your feelings instead of expressing them leads to emotional outbursts or passive-aggressive behaviour. Your partner isn’t a mind reader, and keeping them in the dark creates confusion and tension. Openly sharing your emotions prevents misunderstandings and fosters a deeper bond.
11. Making assumptions instead of asking questions
Assuming you know what your partner is thinking or feeling without actually asking often leads to miscommunication. These assumptions can create unnecessary arguments and feelings of being misunderstood. Clear communication is always better than guessing games.
12. Letting work or hobbies take over your life
While it’s great to be passionate about your career or interests, neglecting your partner for them can cause major rifts. If they constantly feel like they’re second to everything else, resentment builds. Finding a balance shows your partner they’re still a priority in your life.
13. Forgetting to apologise sincerely
Source: Unsplash Everyone makes mistakes, but refusing to own up or giving a half-hearted apology makes things worse. A genuine apology shows that you care about your partner’s feelings and are willing to make things right. Without it, resentment festers and trust is destroyed.
14. Turning every disagreement into a power struggle
When arguments become about winning instead of resolving the issue, it damages the relationship. Constantly needing to be “right” turns your partner into an adversary rather than a teammate. Focusing on solutions instead of victory strengthens the partnership and reduces tension.
15. Ignoring your partner’s emotional needs
Source: Unsplash Failing to notice when your partner is upset or dismissing their feelings creates a sense of emotional neglect. Everyone wants to feel seen and supported, and ignoring their needs makes them feel invisible. Being attentive and empathetic fosters a strong, trusting bond.
16. Taking conflict public
Source: Unsplash Whether it’s airing grievances on social media or arguing in front of friends and family, making private issues public damages trust. It adds unnecessary humiliation and makes it harder to resolve problems. Keeping conflicts between the two of you creates a safe space to work through challenges together.
