Everyone says they want to relax more, but let’s be honest, most of us are terrible at it. Even when we try, something gets in the way. It’s not always obvious, but certain habits can make real relaxation almost impossible without you even realising it. If you constantly feel “on edge” or like switching off is a chore in itself, these might be the things quietly messing with your downtime.
1. Always having your phone in your hand
Scrolling doesn’t count as relaxing, even if you’re on the sofa. Your brain’s still processing a firehose of content—some of it funny, some of it stressful, most of it just noisy. Try putting your phone in another room, or switching it to aeroplane mode for a while. Give your brain a break from notifications, opinions, and endless tabs of distraction.
2. Feeling guilty for doing nothing
If every time you sit down, you start thinking about what you “should” be doing, you’re not actually resting—you’re just stressing from a different angle. Guilt turns calm into tension. Real relaxation means giving yourself permission to stop. Nothing bad happens when you’re not productive for a few hours. Honestly, the world keeps turning.
3. Multitasking through your downtime
Trying to unwind while also folding laundry, replying to texts, and planning dinner? That’s not relaxing—that’s just busy with softer lighting. Your brain needs one thing to focus on, not six. Let go of the need to “make use” of every moment. Choose one relaxing thing, and let it actually feel like a pause instead of another version of doing everything at once.
4. Drinking too much caffeine
That third cup of coffee might get you through the afternoon, but it could also be the reason you can’t wind down later. Caffeine doesn’t just hype you up—it lingers, especially if you’re sensitive to it. Try switching to water or herbal tea after lunchtime. Your nervous system will thank you when you’re not lying in bed wondering why your brain still feels like it’s buzzing.
5. Creating overly long to-do lists
Writing a list is helpful… until it turns into a novel. When your to-do list is so long that you’re stressed just looking at it, there’s no mental space left to relax. Stick to three or four main priorities each day. Leave the rest for tomorrow. You’re not a robot, and your self-worth isn’t tied to ticking every single box before you sit down.
6. Keeping your space too chaotic
Relaxing in a cluttered environment feels like trying to chill in the middle of a garage sale. Even if you’re not consciously noticing the mess, your brain is, and it keeps you subtly on alert. You don’t need a spotless home, but a quick tidy-up of the area you’re trying to relax in can work wonders. Clear space, clearer mind, easier exhale.
7. Saying yes to everything
If your schedule’s packed with things you didn’t really want to do in the first place, it’s no wonder you feel drained. Overcommitment leaves zero time to recharge. Start practising calm but firm nos, or even delayed yeses. Protect your time like it actually matters, because it does. Rest doesn’t happen when you’re sprinting from one obligation to another.
8. Never finishing your workday properly
If you sort of stop working but still check emails, answer messages, or mentally plan tomorrow’s tasks, your brain never gets the memo that it’s allowed to relax. Create a small “end of day” routine, even if it’s just shutting the laptop and making a cup of tea. That small ritual helps signal to your brain that it’s time to switch gears.
9. Relying on alcohol to unwind
A glass of wine can feel like a shortcut to relaxation, but alcohol messes with sleep quality, hydration, and mood regulation. It tricks you into feeling calm, but often leaves your brain foggier, not better. Try non-alcoholic drinks or calming evening habits that don’t involve booze. A bath, a walk, or even your favourite TV show can do more for actual rest than you think.
10. Watching high-stress TV before bed
That crime drama or reality show argument might be entertaining, but it’s not exactly soothing. Your brain doesn’t know it’s fiction—it just senses tension and kicks into alert mode. Save the intense stuff for earlier in the day. At night, go for something slower, softer, or a bit silly. You’ll sleep better and wake up feeling less like you’ve survived a car chase.
11. Trying to meditate perfectly
Relaxation doesn’t have to look like you sitting in lotus pose, perfectly still, while your mind turns into a clear blue sky. That’s not how most brains work, especially when they’re wired for overthinking. If meditation feels stressful, try other calm activities like walking, doodling, or doing a jigsaw. Relaxation doesn’t need to be performative. It just needs to feel good to you.
12. Keeping your notifications on all the time
Ding. Buzz. Ping. Every sound yanks your brain out of whatever chill moment it was trying to have. Constant alerts keep your nervous system in low-level panic mode. Silence your phone. Turn off notifications for a while. The world will carry on, and you’ll finally have a moment that doesn’t involve someone else’s urgency barging into your peace.
13. Expecting instant results
If you’re sitting down to relax and immediately wondering, “Why don’t I feel better yet?”—you’re not relaxing, you’re performing relaxation and checking for progress. Real calm takes time. Let it build slowly. Trust that your body will unwind when it’s ready, not on demand. The less pressure you put on it, the easier it gets.
14. Thinking rest has to be earned
This one runs deep. If you feel like you can only relax after you’ve ticked every box, handled everyone’s needs, and “deserve” a break, you’ll never actually rest. Rest is a right, not a reward. You don’t have to wait until you’ve hit burnout. You’re allowed to stop and breathe, even if the laundry’s not folded and your inbox still looks like a disaster.
