Loving someone — truly, deeply loving them — is complicated and really tough sometimes.
It often feels like everyone else is sailing through it while you’re fumbling your way along, trying to figure out if you’re doing it right. Not knowing how to love (or not being sure if you do) doesn’t make you cold or unfeeling, by any means; maybe you’re just unsure of how to connect, express, or open up to people, and that’s okay. If you’re still working out how to do this whole love thing, you might relate to some of these habits. Don’t worry — you’ll get there!
1. You avoid saying “I love you” first.
Those three little words feel like they carry the weight of the world, so you wait for the other person to say it first. Even when you feel it, you hesitate, wondering if it’s too soon or too much. The pause is less about not loving and more about fearing vulnerability.
2. You overthink every little interaction.
Did that text come off too clingy? Was the hug too short? You replay every moment, analysing what you said or did. Instead of enjoying the connection, you get lost in your own head, questioning if you’re doing love “right.”
3. You struggle with physical affection.
Hugs, hand-holding, or even leaning on someone’s shoulder might feel awkward to you. It’s not that you don’t want to show affection—it’s that you’re unsure of when or how to do it naturally. Instead, you overthink simple gestures and end up second-guessing yourself.
4. You find yourself pushing people away.
When someone gets too close, your instinct might be to create distance, even if you don’t want to. You tell yourself it’s for their benefit, but deep down, it’s a fear of getting hurt. The push-and-pull of wanting love and fearing it can leave you feeling stuck.
5. You avoid deep conversations.
Talking about your feelings or fears feels like walking into uncharted territory. Instead of opening up, you keep things surface-level, talking about the weather or your favourite shows. It’s not that you don’t want to share—you just don’t know how to start.
6. You rely heavily on sarcasm.
Instead of expressing your feelings directly, you use humour as a shield. Sarcasm becomes your go-to, especially in emotional situations. While it might make people laugh, it also keeps them from seeing what’s really on your mind.
7. You over-apologise for everything.
Even when there’s nothing to apologise for, you find yourself saying “sorry.” It’s as if you’re preemptively trying to fix something that hasn’t even gone wrong. You might do this because you have a deep-seated fear of not being “enough” in a relationship, but I promise you that you are. Start believing it.
8. You expect everyone to read your mind.
Instead of expressing what you need or want, you assume people should just “know.” When they don’t, you feel disappointed or misunderstood, which can create unnecessary frustration in relationships, even when the other person wants to support you.
9. You get uncomfortable with compliments.
When someone says something nice about you, your first instinct is to brush it off or downplay it. Accepting praise feels foreign, as if you’re not sure you deserve it. Learning to simply say “thank you” could be a game-changer.
10. You give too much, then feel unappreciated.
To show love, you might overextend yourself—doing favours, giving gifts, or constantly putting the other person first. But when they don’t reciprocate in the same way, you feel hurt or taken for granted. It’s a cycle that leaves you feeling drained.
11. You bottle up your emotions.
Instead of sharing how you feel, you keep it all inside, telling yourself it’s not the right time to talk. The build-up of unspoken emotions often leads to frustration or resentment later on. Letting your guard down could make all the difference.
12. You avoid making long-term plans.
Commitment feels daunting, so you shy away from planning trips or big milestones together. Even when you care deeply, the idea of locking in a future with someone can feel overwhelming. It’s less about not wanting it and more about fearing what it means.
13. You focus too much on your flaws.
You convince yourself you’re not good enough to be loved, zeroing in on every perceived imperfection. All that self-criticism makes it hard to believe that someone could genuinely care for you. Accepting your own worth is often the first step toward letting love in.
14. You keep score in relationships.
Instead of giving freely, you find yourself keeping track of who’s done what—who called first, who bought dinner, who made the first apology. The thing is, having a scoreboard mentality creates unnecessary tension, even when both sides are trying their best.
15. You struggle to trust fully.
Source: Unsplash Even in the most loving relationships, you find yourself questioning motives or wondering if the other shoe will drop. Past experiences might make it hard for you to believe in love without reservation. Trusting someone completely feels risky, but it’s often the foundation of a stronger bond.
16. You feel overwhelmed by vulnerability.
Source: Unsplash Letting someone see your weaknesses or fears feels like giving up control, so you avoid it. Vulnerability can feel like exposing too much, even when it’s necessary for deeper connection. Learning to be open takes time, but it can lead to a love that feels more genuine and fulfilling.
