Loneliness is never your fault, let’s get that clear right away.
There are many things that happen in life that can lead to feelings and circumstances of isolation and disconnection. However, if you’re already feeling lonely, it’s possible that you might have developed some bad habits that exacerbate it. It’s natural and understandable that you might resort to these behaviours, but dropping them will make you feel so much better, even if it doesn’t get rid of your loneliness entirely.
1. Avoiding social situations
When loneliness strikes, it’s tempting to withdraw further and isolate yourself. However, avoiding social interactions only deepens feelings of disconnection. Start by reaching out to one trusted friend or family member to reconnect. Even small steps, like responding to a message, can make a difference.
2. Spending too much time on social media
Scrolling through social media can make you feel like everyone else is living a better, more connected life. This comparison exacerbates loneliness. Limit your screen time and focus on real-world interactions. Try setting specific times to use social media and use the freed-up time to call a friend instead.
3. Focusing on negative thoughts
Dwelling on thoughts like “Nobody cares about me” or “I’ll always be alone” creates a self-fulfilling cycle of loneliness. Challenge these thoughts by focusing on times when you’ve felt loved or supported. Write down one positive interaction each day to shift your mindset.
4. Expecting other people to initiate contact
If you’re waiting for everyone else to reach out, you might unintentionally be prolonging your loneliness. People may not know you’re feeling disconnected. Take the initiative to make plans or send a simple “How are you?” text. Being proactive shows people that you value their connection.
5. Not sharing your feelings
Keeping your loneliness bottled up can make it harder for other people to understand what you’re going through. Share your feelings with someone you trust—it’s not a sign of weakness, but a way to deepen your bond. Opening up can pave the way for meaningful conversations.
6. Saying no to invitations too often
Turning down invitations repeatedly can make people stop asking, even if they’d love to include you. Start saying yes more often, even if it’s just to a casual coffee or a walk. Showing up helps rebuild connections and reminds you of the joys of being with other people.
7. Holding unrealistic expectations of relationships
Believing that every interaction must be perfect or deeply meaningful sets you up for disappointment. Relationships take time and effort to grow. Focus on consistency rather than perfection by regularly checking in with friends or family, even if it’s just for a quick chat.
8. Not engaging in group activities
Group settings can feel intimidating, but they’re a great way to meet new people and feel part of a community. Join a class, club, or volunteer group where you can connect with like-minded individuals. Finding common ground can ease the initial awkwardness of meeting new people.
9. Ignoring self-care
When loneliness sets in, neglecting yourself can worsen your mood and make you feel even more disconnected. Prioritise self-care by exercising, eating well, and getting enough sleep. Feeling better physically makes it easier to engage socially and emotionally.
10. Overanalysing conversations and interactions
Ruminating on every word or action during a conversation can make you feel insecure and hesitant to reach out again. Remember, most people aren’t scrutinising you as closely as you think. Let go of overthinking and trust that genuine connections don’t require perfection. Try journaling after social interactions to release those overanalysed thoughts.
11. Surrounding yourself with toxic relationships
Spending time with people who drain you or make you feel worse can amplify feelings of loneliness. Recognise when a relationship is no longer serving you and focus on building healthier connections. Set boundaries with toxic individuals to make room for supportive relationships.
12. Comparing yourself to other people
Seeing people with large friend groups or seemingly perfect relationships can make you feel inadequate. Remember, social media and appearances don’t tell the whole story. Focus on your journey and the quality of your connections rather than quantity. Practise gratitude for the relationships you do have, no matter how small.
13. Avoiding vulnerability
Guarding your feelings out of fear of rejection can keep people at arm’s length. While vulnerability feels risky, it’s often the key to forming deeper bonds. Share a small piece of your story with someone you trust and watch how it brings you closer together.
14. Not making time for connections
Busy schedules can make it hard to prioritise relationships, leaving you feeling isolated. Make time for regular check-ins, meet-ups, or phone calls with loved ones. Treat your relationships like important commitments—they’re just as vital as work or errands in the grand scheme of life. Loneliness often stems from habits that we can consciously change. It’s worth a try, anyway!
