The longer you’ve been with someone, the easier it is to start taking them for granted, leading the spark you once had to burn right out.
If the romance is all but gone in your relationship, you may need to put some work into getting it back. Here are some things you can do to make your wife fall in love with you again. Spoiler: It’s all about being more like the man she fell in love with all those years ago.
1. Truly listen to her without trying to fix everything.
Most men are solution-based, so it’s tempting to jump straight into problem-solving mode when your wife shares her concerns. However, sometimes what she really needs is a sympathetic ear. Give her your full attention, maintain eye contact, and ask thoughtful questions. Resist the urge to offer immediate solutions unless she specifically asks for advice.
2. Surprise her with thoughtful gestures tailored to her interests.
Move beyond the cliché of flowers and chocolates (though those are nice, too). Instead, focus on personalised gestures that show you pay attention to her passions and preferences. If she’s a bookworm, pre-order the latest novel from her favourite author. For the fitness enthusiast, sign up for a fun, new workout class together. These things show that you notice and appreciate her unique qualities.
3. Share the mental load of household management.
In many relationships, one partner often bears the brunt of remembering appointments, planning meals, and managing the household. Take initiative in sharing this mental load. Create a shared digital calendar for family events, take turns meal planning, or divvy up household responsibilities equally. This is how you make her life easier and show that you’re truly an equal partner.
4. Pursue your own interests and personal growth.
While doing things together important, maintaining your individual identity is equally crucial. Pursue your own hobbies, set personal goals, and work on self-improvement. This not only makes you more interesting and attractive to your wife but also brings fresh energy and perspectives into your relationship.
5. Prioritise quality time without distractions.
These days, it’s increasingly common to be physically present but mentally elsewhere, and that just won’t do. Set aside dedicated time for undivided attention. This could be a weekly date night, a daily walk together, or simply an hour of screen-free conversation before bed. During these times, put away your phones, turn off the TV, and focus solely on each other. This will bring you so much closer together.
6. Express genuine appreciation for both big and small things.
It’s easy to take your partner for granted, especially in long-term relationships. Make a conscious effort to notice and appreciate both the major contributions and the small, everyday things your wife does. Thank her sincerely for making your favourite meal, acknowledge her hard work on a project, or express gratitude for her patience during a stressful time. If you want her to feel valued and loved, this is a must.
7. Be vulnerable and open about your own feelings.
Many men struggle with emotional vulnerability, but being open about your feelings can significantly strengthen your connection. Share your fears, dreams, and insecurities with your wife. Talk about your struggles at work, your hopes for the future, or even your concerns about your relationship. Being open like this invites her into your inner world, creating a deeper sense of intimacy and trust.
8. Work together on a project or goal.
Choose a project that excites both of you, whether it’s renovating a room in your house, planning an adventurous holiday, or learning a new skill together like cooking or photography. The process of planning, problem-solving, and achieving something together can bring you closer and create new, positive shared experiences.
9. Rekindle physical intimacy through non-sexual touch.
Physical affection doesn’t always have to lead to the bedroom (and it really shouldn’t every time). Incorporate more non-sexual touch into your daily routine. Hold hands while walking, offer a comforting hug after a long day, or give her a spontaneous shoulder massage while she’s working. These things remind your wife of your desire for closeness and can help reignite the spark of physical attraction.
10. Take responsibility for your mistakes without making excuses.
When arguments crop up, resist the urge to become defensive or make excuses. Instead, take full responsibility for your actions and their impact on your wife. Apologise and mean it, acknowledge her feelings, and discuss how you plan to avoid similar mistakes in the future. This mature approach demonstrates emotional intelligence and a genuine commitment to the relationship.
11. Support her ambitions and personal growth.
Show genuine interest and active support in your wife’s personal and professional goals. Encourage her to pursue her passions, whether it’s advancing in her career, starting a new hobby, or tackling a personal challenge. Offer practical support, such as taking on more household responsibilities when she’s busy with a project, or emotional support by being her cheerleader. Your enthusiasm for her growth demonstrates that you value her as an individual and want her to thrive, not just as your wife, but as her own person.
12. Create new shared experiences and memories.
Break out of your routine by seeking new experiences together. Try activities neither of you have done before, like taking a pottery class, going on a food tour of your city, or attending a live performance of a genre you’re both unfamiliar with. These novel experiences create excitement and give you new things to talk about. They also help you see each other in a fresh light, potentially rekindling the curiosity and interest you had for each other when you first met.
13. Prioritise her pleasure in the bedroom.
Source: Unsplash Reinvigorate your intimate life by focusing on her pleasure and desires. Have open, honest conversations about what she enjoys and what she’d like to try, and be attentive to her responses and willing to experiment with new techniques or scenarios she’s interested in. Remember that foreplay starts outside the bedroom!
14. Maintain your personal grooming and style.
Source: Unsplash While looks aren’t everything, putting effort into your appearance shows that you still want to be attractive for your wife. This doesn’t mean drastically changing your style, but rather maintaining good grooming habits and taking care of your health. Stay on top of haircuts, keep your clothes clean and well-fitted, and pay attention to personal hygiene. If you’ve been meaning to get in shape, start a fitness routine. These things show that you value yourself and your relationship enough to put your best foot forward.
15. Have meaningful conversations about the future.
Source: Unsplash Keep the excitement in your relationship alive by regularly discussing your shared future. Talk about your dreams, both as individuals and as a couple. Plan for upcoming milestones, whether it’s a significant anniversary, a career change, or retirement. These conversations show that you see her as an integral part of your future and help align your long-term goals. They also provide opportunities to support each other’s aspirations and work together.
16. Show interest in her world.
Source: Unsplash Make an effort to engage with the people, activities, and interests that are important to your wife. Get to know her friends better, show genuine interest in her hobbies, or read books or watch shows she enjoys so you can discuss them together. This doesn’t mean you have to love everything she loves, but showing a willingness to participate in her world demonstrates that you value what’s important to her.
17. Practise forgiveness and let go of past grievances.
Source: Unsplash Holding on to the past can create a barrier to rekindling love. Work on truly forgiving your wife for past mistakes, and ask for forgiveness for your own. This doesn’t mean forgetting or excusing harmful behaviour, but rather choosing to move forward without resentment. If you find it difficult to let go of certain issues, consider couples counselling to work through them together. Your marriage will be much better for it.
