Every relationship has its off days—arguments happen, people say things they don’t mean, and tension builds when life gets stressful.
However, there’s a difference between a tough moment and a toxic pattern. When your partner says things that consistently leave you feeling small, confused, or afraid to speak up, it’s not just “a rough patch”—it’s a red flag. Some phrases might sound subtle, even casual, but the way they land can ruin your confidence and emotional safety as time goes on. Here are some of the more toxic things no one should ever be saying to you in a relationship, no matter how heated things get.
1. “You’re far too touchy.”
This one tends to show up when you’ve tried to express how something made you feel, and instead of listening, they flip the blame back on you. Suddenly, the issue isn’t what they said or did; it’s the fact that you had a reaction at all.
As time goes on, this kind of comment makes you second-guess yourself. You might stop speaking up altogether because you’re afraid of being labelled dramatic. A healthy relationship gives space for feelings—it doesn’t shame you for having them.
2. “You’re lucky I put up with you.”
This line usually doesn’t come from a place of love. Instead, it’s a power play. The message is clear: you should feel grateful they haven’t left, as if your worth depends on their approval. When someone makes you feel like they’re doing you a favour by staying, it’s manipulative. Love isn’t about leverage. It’s about mutual care and respect, not emotional blackmail disguised as honesty.
3. “No one else would want you.”
This one cuts deep, and that’s exactly the point. It’s not just insulting. It’s designed to make you feel like you don’t have options, like you’d be alone forever without them. If someone has to convince you you’re unloveable just to make you stay, that’s not love—that’s control. Real love builds you up, even when it’s hard. It never tries to make you feel small, so you’ll settle for less.
4. “You always ruin everything.”
When mistakes happen, or plans fall through, a toxic partner might immediately point the finger at you. It doesn’t matter what actually went wrong. Somehow, it’s always your fault. That all-or-nothing blame is unfair and unkind. It creates a dynamic where you feel like you’re constantly walking on eggshells, afraid to disappoint or mess up in any way.
5. “You’re just imagining all these things.”
This is classic gaslighting territory. When you bring up something that felt off—a conversation, a look, a comment—and they immediately deny it happened or suggest you’re delusional, it’s not about the truth. It’s about making you doubt your own memory. It’s especially toxic because it slowly destroys your sense of reality. The more they repeat it, the harder it becomes to trust your own instincts. And that’s exactly what they’re counting on.
6. “You’re not doing anything with your life.”
Whether you’re between jobs, pursuing a dream, or simply figuring things out, a supportive partner should have your back, not use your situation as a weapon during arguments. Statements like this are meant to shame you. It doesn’t motivate or help; it just creates insecurity and resentment. A healthy partner might challenge you, sure, but never by cutting you down.
7. “Why can’t you be more like [someone else]?”
Comparisons are rarely helpful, especially when they’re thrown in your face mid-argument or used to highlight what you’re supposedly lacking. It’s a cruel way to make you feel like you’re not enough. Being compared to an ex, a sibling, a friend—anyone—is unfair and demeaning. You deserve to be appreciated for who you are, not constantly stacked up against someone else’s highlight reel.
8. “You made me do this, though.”
When someone lashes out, whether emotionally or physically, and then blames you for their behaviour, it’s a massive red flag. They’re dodging responsibility and placing the burden entirely on you. No one is responsible for another person’s actions. If they hurt you and then justify it by saying it’s your fault, that’s emotional abuse. End of story.
9. “I really don’t care what you think.”
Source: Unsplash Even in the middle of a fight, this one stings. It says that your perspective doesn’t matter, that your voice doesn’t carry any weight in the relationship. If your partner regularly dismisses your thoughts or feelings, it creates a dynamic where you stop sharing altogether. Relationships thrive on mutual respect, not on one person deciding the other doesn’t count.
10. “You’re seriously overreacting.”
This is another sneaky one that sounds harmless but actually chips away at your confidence. It’s a way to shut down your feelings before they’ve even been fully heard. Everyone reacts differently, and just because something doesn’t seem like a big deal to them doesn’t mean it’s not valid to you. Healthy partners don’t police your emotional reactions; they try to understand them.
11. “You’re so boring now.”
Source: Unsplash Whether said during a rough patch or just tossed out in frustration, this kind of comment hits where it hurts. It’s not about feedback; it’s about making you feel like you’re no longer enough. When someone mocks the natural changes that come with life, routine, or even growing up, it’s a sign they’re not engaging with the relationship in a real way. It’s easier to point fingers than to show up and do the work.
12. “You’re crazy.”
Source: Unsplash Using mental health as an insult is never okay. When someone throws “crazy” at you mid-argument or uses it to dismiss your concerns, it’s not only cruel—it’s manipulative. Language like that is often used to discredit you and make you seem irrational. It’s emotionally harmful and a tactic used far too often to silence and control people, especially women.
13. “Don’t talk to anyone about this.”
Secrecy, especially when it comes to conflict or emotional pain, is often a red flag. If your partner is telling you not to speak to friends, family, or a therapist about what’s happening, ask yourself why. It’s not about privacy; it’s about control. When someone tries to cut you off from outside support, it makes it harder to get clarity on the situation, and that’s usually the goal.
14. “I could do so much better than you.”
Source: Unsplash This is a straight-up put-down. It’s designed to shake your confidence and keep you doubting your worth in the relationship. It’s also a warning sign that they don’t actually value what you bring to the table. Anyone who genuinely cares about you wouldn’t weaponise your insecurities or threaten you with hypothetical replacements. That’s not tough love—that’s emotional cruelty.
15. “This is just how I am. Get over it.”
Source: Unsplash Growth and accountability are essential in any relationship. When your partner refuses to take feedback and instead hides behind “that’s just who I am,” they’re choosing not to grow, and expecting you to shrink instead. You’re allowed to ask for effort, change, and respect. Love isn’t about accepting someone’s worst traits forever. It’s about both people being willing to meet in the middle and keep evolving together.
16. “If you really loved me, you’d…”
Source: Unsplash Any sentence that starts like this is emotionally loaded. It’s an attempt to manipulate you into doing something by tying your love to their approval or demands. Whether it’s about physical intimacy, cutting off friends, or letting things slide, love shouldn’t come with ultimatums. A healthy relationship respects boundaries—it doesn’t try to bulldoze them with guilt.
