It’d be nice if you could take everyone at face value, but some people aren’t always who they appear to be.
If you’re dating a woman who’s charming, intelligent, and seems to have a lot in common with you, it’s tempting to dive in head-first. After all, it’s not every day that someone who’s such a catch and with whom you’re so compatible comes along, right? The problem is that she might not be in it for the right reasons, and you can pretty much guarantee that she has a hidden agenda if she does these things. Beware!
1. She avoids giving clear answers.
Source: Unsplash If she dodges direct questions or dances around topics, it might be a sign she’s not keen on being honest. Vague responses can leave you unsure about where you really stand. When someone avoids being straightforward, it can feel like they’re hiding something or trying to keep control of the situation. Genuine connections thrive on openness, not cryptic conversations.
2. Her compliments feel over the top.
Everyone loves a bit of flattery, but if her praise feels constant or exaggerated, it might not be as genuine as it seems. It could be a way to gain your trust or keep you on side. Authentic compliments feel natural and balanced. Overdoing it, on the other hand, can feel calculated, especially if it seems to come with strings attached or pops up at convenient moments.
3. She always brings the focus back to her.
Conversations should feel balanced, but if everything somehow circles back to her wants or needs, it might show she’s prioritising her own agenda, and it can make you feel overlooked or used. Healthy interactions are a two-way street. When someone consistently puts their interests first, it’s worth asking yourself whether they’re really invested in you or just in what they can gain.
4. She keeps her past completely off-limits.
It’s normal to have boundaries, but if she refuses to share anything about her past, it could feel like she’s hiding more than just private details. Such a blatant lack of openness can raise red flags. Sharing bits of your history helps build trust and understanding. While not everyone is comfortable diving deep straight away, complete avoidance can leave you questioning what’s really going on.
5. She blows small things out of proportion.
If minor issues turn into major dramas, it might not just be about the situation at hand. Overreacting could be a way to shift focus or distract from something she doesn’t want you to notice. Consistent overreactions can feel exhausting and confusing. Instead of resolving issues, it often creates unnecessary tension, making it harder to see what’s really happening beneath the surface.
6. She treats interactions like a transaction.
If it feels like every favour or effort you make comes with an expectation in return, she might see the relationship as more of a give-and-take deal, which can feel one-sided and insincere. Genuine relationships aren’t about keeping score. When someone’s actions always seem tied to what they can get out of it, it’s a good idea to consider their true intentions.
7. She holds back important details.
Source: Unsplash If she’s selective about what she tells you or leaves out key parts of the story, it can make it hard to fully trust her. This kind of behaviour might be about keeping you in the dark. Open communication means sharing the good, the bad, and the tricky. When someone withholds information, it’s tough to feel secure in the connection, and it might hint at something deeper.
8. She tries to keep you away from other people.
Source: Unsplash If she seems to discourage your time with friends or family, it could be her way of keeping you isolated. It might make you more reliant on her, giving her more control. Healthy relationships encourage outside connections. If her actions leave you feeling cut off from your usual support system, it’s worth paying attention to how it’s affecting your sense of independence.
9. Her actions don’t match her words.
Source: Unsplash If what she says and what she does are often out of sync, it can leave you feeling confused. Mixed signals can be a sign she’s not being fully honest about her intentions. Consistency is key when it comes to trust. When actions don’t back up words, it can be hard to know what to believe, creating doubts about where things are really headed.
10. She’s secretive about basic things.
Source: Unsplash Privacy is important, but if she’s overly guarded about everyday details, it can feel like she’s deliberately keeping things from you. That kind of secrecy can create unnecessary tension. Openness doesn’t mean sharing everything, but it does mean being honest about the small stuff. When someone is too secretive, it’s natural to wonder what they might be hiding.
11. She’s all about appearances.
If she seems more focused on how things look than how they actually are, it could point to hidden priorities. That might mean she’s more interested in status or image than authenticity. Relationships that centre on appearances often lack depth. Focusing too much on outward perception can make it hard to build a genuine and meaningful connection.
12. She plays the victim often.
Constantly portraying herself as wronged or misunderstood can be a way to deflect responsibility or gain sympathy. While everyone has struggles, a pattern of victimhood can feel manipulative. It’s important to support someone when they’re down, but if it feels like she’s using this as a strategy, it’s worth questioning whether it’s about connection or control.
13. She’s only available on her terms.
If her time and attention seem to depend on what’s convenient for her, it can make you feel like an afterthought. It might mean she’s only prioritising the relationship when it suits her. A healthy connection involves effort from both sides. When her availability feels conditional, it might be a sign that she’s not as invested as she seems.
14. She avoids accountability.
If she struggles to admit when she’s wrong or quickly shifts blame onto other people, it can feel frustrating. It might be her way of steering the narrative or avoiding consequences. Accountability is a cornerstone of trust. When someone constantly avoids owning up to their actions, it makes it difficult to build a genuine and balanced relationship.
15. She uses guilt to get her way.
If she makes you feel guilty to influence your decisions, it can leave you questioning her motives. This tactic might be used to sway you without addressing issues directly. Guilt is a powerful tool, but it doesn’t belong in healthy relationships. If this is a recurring pattern, it’s worth examining how it’s affecting your ability to set boundaries.
