We’ve all been there — caught in a heated debate, trying to make our point stick.
That being said, sometimes the words we choose can undermine our argument, making us sound unsure or weak. If you want to come across as confident and persuasive, it’s crucial to be mindful of your language. Here are 17 phrases you should avoid if you want to win an argument. After all, it’s not just about what you say, but how you say it.
1. “I’m not an expert, but…”
Starting your argument with a disclaimer about your lack of expertise immediately weakens your position. It’s like telling the other person, “Don’t take me too seriously.” Instead, focus on the facts and logic of your argument. If you’ve done your research, your points should stand on their own merit, regardless of your expert status.
2. “I might be wrong, but…”
Source: Unsplash While it’s good to be open-minded, this phrase signals uncertainty right off the bat. It gives the impression that you’re not confident in your own argument. If you’ve thought your position through, stand by it. You can acknowledge the possibility of being wrong without announcing it upfront. Remember, confidence is key in persuasion.
3. “I’m sorry, but…”
Apologising for your opinion undermines your argument before you even make it. It suggests that your view is somehow inconvenient or wrong. Unless you’re genuinely apologising for something, drop the “sorry.” Your opinions and arguments don’t need an apology — they deserve to be heard on their own merits.
4. “I’m not trying to argue, but…”
Source: Unsplash This phrase is contradictory — if you’re presenting a counterpoint, you are, in fact, arguing. It can come across as disingenuous or passive-aggressive. Instead, embrace the fact that you’re engaging in a debate. There’s nothing wrong with respectful argumentation — it’s how ideas are refined and progress is made.
5. “You’re right, but…”
While it’s good to acknowledge valid points in the other person’s argument, this phrase can weaken your position. It sounds like you’re backpedalling or unsure of your stance. Instead, try something like, “I see your point about X, and here’s another perspective to consider.” This approach shows you’re listening while still asserting your viewpoint.
6. “I feel like…”
In an argument, feelings often take a back seat to facts and logic. Starting your points with “I feel like” can make your argument seem based on emotion rather than reason. Instead, try phrases like “From my perspective” or “Based on my understanding.” These alternatives sound more objective and can lend more weight to your points.
7. “No offence, but…”
This phrase almost always precedes something offensive. It puts the other person on the defensive and can make your argument seem like a personal attack. If you find yourself about to use this phrase, pause and reconsider how you’re framing your point. There’s usually a way to make your argument without being offensive or needing to disclaimer it.
8. “I’m just saying…”
This phrase often comes across as passive-aggressive and can make your argument seem less sincere. It’s like you’re trying to soften the blow of your words or avoid taking full responsibility for your statement. Own your arguments. If you believe in what you’re saying, there’s no need to minimise it with “just.”
9. “Whatever…”
Using “whatever” in an argument is essentially waving a white flag of defeat, but in the most dismissive way possible. It suggests that you’re no longer engaged in the discussion and don’t respect the other person’s viewpoint. Even if you’re feeling frustrated, try to remain engaged or take a break if needed. Dismissiveness won’t win you any arguments.
10. “You always…” or “You never…”
Absolute statements like these are rarely accurate and can put the other person on the defensive. They’re likely to start searching for exceptions to your claim rather than listening to your main point. Instead, be specific about the behaviour or instance you’re referring to. This approach is more accurate and less likely to derail the conversation.
11. “Calm down…”
Telling someone to calm down almost never has the intended effect. In fact, it often escalates tensions. This phrase dismisses the other person’s emotions and can come across as condescending. Instead, try to acknowledge their feelings and steer the conversation back to the facts at hand. Remember, emotional intelligence is just as important as logical reasoning in an argument.
12. “With all due respect…”
This phrase has become so overused that it’s lost its original meaning. Now, it often precedes a disrespectful statement, making it seem insincere. If you truly respect the other person, show it through your words and actions throughout the argument. There’s no need to preface your statements with this phrase.
13. “I don’t want to argue, but…”
Similar to “I’m not trying to argue,” this phrase contradicts itself. If you’re presenting a counterpoint, you are engaging in an argument, and that’s okay. Healthy debate is how we challenge ideas and grow. Instead of apologising for the argument, focus on keeping it respectful and productive.
14. “You’re being too sensitive…”
Source: Unsplash This phrase invalidates the other person’s feelings and can come across as dismissive. It’s not up to you to decide how someone else should feel. Instead of commenting on their emotional state, try to understand why they feel that way. Ask questions and show empathy — it can go a long way in resolving conflicts.
15. “I guess…”
Source: Unsplash Starting your statements with “I guess” makes you sound uncertain and can weaken your entire argument. If you’ve done your research and believe in your position, state it with confidence. It’s okay to express uncertainty about specific details, but don’t undermine your entire argument with wishy-washy language.
16. “You wouldn’t understand…”
This phrase is condescending and shuts down communication. It suggests that the other person is incapable of grasping your point of view, which is rarely true. If you’re having trouble explaining your perspective, that’s on you, not them. Take a step back, gather your thoughts, and try explaining in a different way. Effective communication is key to winning arguments.
17. “Let’s agree to disagree…”
Source: Unsplash While this phrase can be useful to end an unproductive argument, it’s often used prematurely to avoid engaging with challenging points. It can come across as dismissive, suggesting that you’re not open to changing your mind or considering other viewpoints. Instead of using this as an escape hatch, try to find common ground or clarify the specific points of disagreement. Remember, the goal of an argument should be to reach understanding, not just to win.
