Some people like to think school bullies grow out of their mean-spirited ways, but that’s sadly not always the case.
While a few genuinely reflect, change, and become decent people, others don’t seem to leave their old habits behind — they just find new ways to do the same thing. They might not be shoving people into lockers anymore, but their behaviour still gives away who they really are. Here’s how former school bullies show they haven’t really changed much at all, despite being fully grown adults now.
1. They still try to dominate conversations.
Back in school, they made their presence known by talking over people, mocking people, or making everything about them. Fast-forward to adulthood, and they’re still doing it, just in slightly more subtle ways.
Whether it’s interrupting constantly, dismissing everyone’s opinions but their own, or making every discussion revolve around them, they still need to be the loudest voice in the room. Instead of physical intimidation, they use their words to control the conversation and make people feel small.
2. They use “banter” as an excuse to be mean.
In school, they called it “just a joke” when they embarrassed or humiliated someone. As adults, they still rely on the same excuse when their comments go too far, claiming anyone who gets offended is “too sensitive.”
They act like they’re just being playful, but their jokes almost always target someone else’s insecurities. The difference is that now, instead of doing it in the playground, they do it at work, in social settings, or even online.
3. They act differently around people they think ‘matter.’
One of the clearest signs that someone never really changed is how they treat people based on status. They’re charming and polite to bosses, influencers, or anyone they want something from — but dismissive, rude, or condescending to people they think are beneath them.
It’s the same dynamic they had in school, where they sucked up to teachers but bullied classmates who couldn’t fight back. Their behaviour still changes depending on who they’re talking to, proving they only respect people they think are “useful.”
4. They thrive in workplace power trips.
Give a former school bully a position of authority, and you’ll quickly see if they’ve actually changed. Some become fair leaders, but others use their title as a way to control, intimidate, and make people’s lives miserable.
They take pleasure in micromanaging, making unreasonable demands, and putting people down. Instead of stealing lunch money, they withhold promotions, pile on stress, or create a toxic work environment just because they can.
5. They gossip and spread rumours.
Back in school, they got a thrill out of whispering behind people’s backs, making up stories, or stirring drama. In adulthood, the habit hasn’t disappeared — it’s just moved to group chats, workspaces, and social events.
They love to keep their social circles buzzing with petty gossip, making themselves feel important by knowing everyone’s business. They still find ways to manipulate, pit people against each other, and cause tension wherever they go.
6. They can’t handle criticism without lashing out.
Source: Unsplash Despite spending years dishing it out to other people, former bullies often crumble the moment the tables turn. The slightest bit of feedback sends them into defence mode, and instead of reflecting, they lash out or play the victim.
They might get passive-aggressive, twist the situation to make themselves look like the one being wronged, or just double down on their behaviour. They still see any challenge to their ego as a threat and react accordingly.
7. They make everything a competition.
Whether it’s careers, relationships, or even something as small as who booked the best holiday, they can’t help but compare themselves to everyone around them. They always have to prove they’re more successful, more attractive, or just “better.”
They treat friendships like rivalries and turn every conversation into a chance to one-up someone. If someone else achieves something, they can’t just be happy for them — they have to find a way to pull the attention back to themselves.
8. They act like they’ve changed, but never apologise.
Some ex-bullies like to present themselves as totally reformed, the type that laugh off their past behaviour as if it was just youthful nonsense. But if they never acknowledge the hurt they caused or offer a genuine apology, it’s a sign they’re not as changed as they claim.
They might brush it off with, “I was a different person back then,” or “We were all kids,” but real growth includes accountability. If they refuse to take responsibility, it’s likely because deep down, they don’t actually feel bad about it.
9. They still thrive on making people feel small.
Even if they’re not physically shoving people around anymore, they still enjoy making people feel inferior. Whether it’s through condescending comments, dismissive body language, or subtle digs, they get satisfaction from reminding everyone of their place.
They target people who seem vulnerable or less confident, just like they did in school. The methods have changed, but the goal is the same — they want to feel powerful by making people feel weak.
10. They love to test people’s loyalty.
Former bullies often carry the same manipulative tendencies into adulthood, especially when it comes to relationships and friendships. They create drama by testing how much people will put up with, playing games to see who’s the most devoted to them.
They might guilt-trip friends for spending time with other people, create unnecessary tension, or act cold just to see if people will chase after them. It’s all about control, even if it’s disguised as normal social behaviour.
11. They struggle with genuine, equal friendships.
Healthy friendships are built on mutual respect, but people who never outgrew their bullying tendencies often struggle with that. They either dominate their friendships, expecting everyone to cater to them, or they only form relationships with people they can control.
If they can’t have the upper hand, they lose interest. They don’t like friendships that involve real emotional support; they prefer relationships where they call the shots.
12. They still single out easy targets.
Just like in school, they’re always looking for someone they think won’t fight back. It might be a quieter coworker, a friend who avoids conflict, or even a service worker who can’t answer back. They use sarcasm, passive-aggression, or straight-up rudeness to test their limits, seeing how much they can get away with. If someone challenges them, they back down, but if they sense weakness, they push further.
13. They never celebrate other people’s success.
If someone else gets a promotion, buys a house, or accomplishes something meaningful, their first reaction isn’t happiness, it’s irritation. Instead of being supportive, they find ways to downplay it, act uninterested, or make passive-aggressive comments. They might say things like, “Must be nice,” or, “I guess some people get all the luck.” No matter what, they always make sure the spotlight doesn’t stay on someone else for too long.
14. They pretend they’re ‘just being honest.’
People who never fully left their bullying days behind often disguise their rudeness as honesty. They make mean-spirited comments, then act like they’re just giving “constructive criticism” or “saying what everyone else is thinking.”
They take pleasure in tearing people down under the guise of being straightforward. If anyone calls them out, they act like the real issue is that people are “too soft” or “can’t handle the truth.”
15. They still think they’re better than everyone else.
Even years after school, they still carry that same inflated sense of superiority. They talk down to people, assume they know best, and refuse to admit when they’re wrong. Deep down, they still believe they’re more important, more deserving, and more interesting than the people around them. And just like in school, they can’t stand when reality doesn’t reflect the way they see themselves.
