We’ve all met someone who constantly puts people down for no apparent reason.
Of course, belittling people and talking down to them has very little to do with the victims of this vitriol and everything to do with unresolved issues of the person slinging the mud. While this behaviour can hurt, understanding the reasons behind why it happens can make it easier to deal with people and situations like this and not take their comments personally. After all, people who put other people down are often dealing with these struggles behind the scenes — though to be clear, while these are tough, they’re not an excuse for their bad behaviour!
1. Low self-esteem
People with low self-esteem often try to hide their insecurities by pointing out flaws in everyone else. Criticising someone else gives them a brief boost in feeling superior, even though it doesn’t fix their underlying feelings of inadequacy. It can create a never-ending cycle of negativity — rather than working on building their own self-worth, they keep knocking other people down. Unfortunately, it only ends up reinforcing their low self-esteem in the long run.
2. A need for control
For some, criticism is a way to feel in control, especially when they feel uncertain or vulnerable. Putting other people down helps them assert dominance or maintain authority, but it’s often a reaction to their own fear of losing control. Unfortunately, this tactic tends to damage relationships and create an unhealthy dynamic. Understanding that their need for control stems from insecurity can help you avoid taking their criticism to heart and protect your own boundaries.
3. Jealousy
When someone is envious of another person’s success, appearance, or qualities, they may lash out with criticism as a way to cope with their own feelings of inadequacy. Putting down the person they envy gives them a false sense of superiority, easing their jealousy temporarily. But the criticism isn’t about the person being targeted — it’s about their own frustration and dissatisfaction. Recognising this can help you detach from their remarks and see them for what they really are: a reflection of their inner struggles.
4. Unresolved trauma or pain
Some people who’ve experienced past trauma or emotional pain may lash out at others as a way to release their anger or sadness. They might use criticism as a form of coping, especially if they haven’t found healthier ways to deal with their emotions. While it doesn’t excuse their behaviour, recognising its roots in unresolved pain can offer some perspective. Their words often say more about their past than they do about you.
5. A learned behaviour
Criticism and negativity are often behaviours learned early in life, passed down from parents, peers, or other influences during formative years. If someone grew up in an environment where putting people down was the norm, they may have adopted this pattern as adults. Breaking free from these ingrained habits takes self-awareness, which isn’t always easy to develop. Recognising this can help you approach their behaviour with empathy, even if it means keeping a distance from the negativity.
6. A defensive mechanism
Source: Unsplash Some people criticise those around them as a way to protect themselves from feeling vulnerable. When they feel threatened, they deflect by pointing out someone else’s flaws, using criticism as a shield. That kind of defensive behaviour often comes from a place of fear or insecurity. Understanding that their criticism reflects their own discomfort can help you respond with calmness, remembering that it’s about them, not you.
7. A desire for attention
Criticising everyone else can sometimes be a way for people to draw attention to themselves, especially if they feel overlooked or insignificant. Negative comments might get them the attention they crave, even if it’s not positive. Their behaviour is usually driven by a deep need for validation. While offering kindness can occasionally soften their negativity, it’s important to set boundaries if their comments consistently hurt people.
8. Frustration with their own lives
When people feel stuck or dissatisfied with their own lives, they often vent their frustration onto those around them. Criticism becomes an outlet for their unhappiness, even though it’s not addressing the real source of their discontent. Recognising that their words reflect their personal struggles makes it easier to avoid taking their criticism personally. It’s not about you—it’s about their own life and the frustrations they’re facing.
9. Competitive mindsets
Some people approach life as if it’s one big competition, which leads them to criticise those they see as rivals. By pointing out other people’s flaws, they try to bring them down in an effort to elevate themselves. Their hyper-competitive mindset usually stems from insecurity or a fear of being overshadowed. Understanding that their need to compete is rooted in their own self-doubt can help you stay focused on your own goals, without getting dragged into their negativity.
10. Not knowing how to express their feelings in a healthy way (or at all)
When someone struggles to express their feelings effectively, they may resort to criticism as a way to release pent-up emotions. Negative comments can often mask deeper issues, like sadness, fear, or anger, making it harder for other people to understand what they’re really going through. This points out just how important emotional intelligence and effective communication really are. By recognising their struggle, you can choose to respond with empathy, rather than letting their words affect you deeply.
11. Desperation for a sense of superiority
Source: Unsplash For some, putting other people down is an attempt to feel superior. Pointing out everyone’s so-called flaws gives them a brief, false sense of confidence. This kind of behaviour is often down to insecurity, as they’re trying to make themselves feel better by diminishing someone else. Understanding that their need to feel superior comes from self-doubt can help you see their remarks for what they are: empty attempts to boost their own ego.
12. Misplaced stress or anger
Sometimes, stress or anger from unrelated issues spills over into criticising other people. When someone feels overwhelmed, they might lash out at those around them, even if their frustrations have nothing to do with the person they’re targeting. Understanding that their behaviour is a result of their own stress can help you avoid taking their words personally. It’s more about their external situation than it is about anything you’ve done.
13. Lack of self-awareness
Some people simply aren’t aware of how their words affect those around them. They may not realise that their criticism is hurtful or unnecessary because they haven’t taken the time to reflect on their behaviour. Such a major lack of self-awareness can lead to repeated patterns of negativity. While you can’t force someone to change, calmly addressing their behaviour might encourage them to reflect on it. If they’re unwilling to grow, protecting your own boundaries becomes essential.
14. Struggles with mental health
Mental health struggles like anxiety, depression, or unresolved trauma can contribute to negative behaviour. People dealing with these challenges might find it hard to manage their emotions, leading to irritability or a tendency to criticise others. While their behaviour can be hurtful, understanding the connection to their mental health can help you approach the situation with compassion. However, it’s also crucial to protect your own well-being and set boundaries where needed.
