Dealing with a narcissist usually comes with an incessant barrage of manipulative tactics, which is why it can be so unsettling when they suddenly go radio silent.
Being on the receiving end of the silent treatment is frustrating in the best of circumstances, but when it’s a narcissist who’s giving you the could shoulder, it’s confusing and kind of scary. What are they up to, and why have they suddenly stopped engaging when you’ve been trying unsuccessfully to shake them off for ages? Here’s what’s really happening here.
1. They’re trying to regain control of the situation.
When a narcissist goes quiet, it might be their way of pulling the strings. By withdrawing, they’re hoping you’ll come chasing after them, begging for attention. It’s a power play, pure and simple, designed to put them back in the driver’s seat of the relationship.
2. They’re punishing you for things they think you did wrong.
Silence can be a narcissist’s form of punishment. If they feel you’ve wronged them in some way — even if it’s all in their head (which it usually is) — they might use the silent treatment as a way to make you suffer. It’s their twisted way of teaching you a lesson for daring to cross them.
3. They’re plotting their next move.
That quiet spell might be the calm before the storm, so beware. Narcissists often use periods of silence to plan their next manipulation tactic. They’re like chess players, always thinking several moves ahead, and this quiet time could be them strategising their next play.
4. They’re trying to make you doubt yourself.
By going quiet, a narcissist might be attempting to shake your confidence. They want you questioning your actions, wondering what you did wrong. It’s a mind game designed to keep you off-balance and easier to control. Stay firm and don’t give into this.
5. They’re feeling threatened by your independence.
If you’ve been asserting yourself more or showing signs of independence, a narcissist might retreat into silence. It’s their way of dealing with the threat to their control. They’re hoping their absence will remind you how much you “need” them.
6. They’ve found a new source of attention.
Narcissists thrive on attention, and if they’ve gone quiet, it might mean they’ve found a new target. They could be busy love-bombing someone else, getting their narcissistic supply from a fresh source while leaving you in the lurch. Be grateful if you’ve managed to fall off their radar!
7. They’re sulking because things aren’t going their way.
When a narcissist doesn’t get what they want, they might resort to childish tactics like sulking. Their silence could be a grown-up version of a temper tantrum, hoping their withdrawal will manipulate you into giving in to their demands. Please don’t — you’ll be sorry if you do.
8. They’re trying to provoke a reaction from you.
Source: Unsplash Sometimes, a narcissist’s silence is bait. They’re fishing for a big reaction, wanting you to blow up their phone or come banging on their door. Your panic or anger gives them a sense of importance and control, so don’t give them the pleasure.
9. They’re mirroring your behaviour.
If you’ve been distant or quiet yourself, a narcissist might go silent as a form of mimicry. It’s their way of showing you how it feels, but amplified to an extreme. They’re hoping to make you feel the pain they imagine you’ve inflicted on them. Little do they know, you’re actually probably relishing the quiet.
10. They’re licking their wounds.
Source: Unsplash When a narcissist’s fragile ego takes a hit, they might withdraw to throw a pity party and try to regain their composure. In other words, their silence is them trying to rebuild their sense of grandiosity. They’re retreating to their internal world where they’re always the hero of the story.
11. They’re testing your loyalty.
Source: Unsplash By going quiet, a narcissist might be putting you through a loyalty test. They want to see how hard you’ll work to maintain contact, how much you’ll panic without them. It’s all about reassuring themselves of their importance in your life.
12. They’re avoiding accountability.
Source: Unsplash If there’s been any kind of drama, or they’ve been caught in a lie, a narcissist might use silence to avoid taking responsibility. By refusing to communicate, they’re dodging any accountability for their actions, hoping the issue will blow over without them having to admit they were wrong. Don’t let them off that easily!
13. They’re trying to create mystery and intrigue.
Source: Unsplash Some narcissists believe that absence makes the heart grow fonder, so their silence might be an attempt to make themselves seem more interesting or mysterious. They’re hoping that by withdrawing, they’ll become more desirable to you. They don’t realise it’s likely to have the opposite effect.
14. They’re genuinely preoccupied with something else.
Source: Unsplash While it’s rare, sometimes a narcissist’s silence might not be about you at all. They could be genuinely busy with work, a new project, or even a health issue. However, they’re unlikely to communicate this clearly, especially because they want you to wonder and worry.
15. They’re trying to reset the relationship dynamic.
Source: Unsplash If a narcissist feels like they’ve shown too much vulnerability or lost too much ground in the relationship, they might use silence as a reset button. It’s their way of trying to re-establish the upper hand and remind you of your “place” in their life.
16. They’re mirroring their own childhood experiences.
Source: Unsplash Sometimes, a narcissist’s silence is a learned behaviour from their past. If they experienced neglect or the silent treatment as a child, they might resort to the same tactics in their adult relationships, perpetuating a cycle of emotional manipulation. They really need therapy, that’s for sure.
17. They’re trying to avoid intimacy.
Source: Unsplash Genuine intimacy can be terrifying for a narcissist. If things have been getting too close or emotional for their comfort, they might retreat into silence as a way of creating distance and avoiding vulnerability. Narcissists find it nearly impossible to have genuinely deep connections with people, so they run a mile when things veer too close.
18. They’re setting the stage for a grand return.
Source: Unsplash In some cases, a narcissist’s silence is just the prelude to a dramatic comeback. They’re building tension, like a character in a play who exits the stage only to make a grand re-entrance. When they do return, expect them to demand attention and admiration for their “magnanimous” return to your life. Hopefully, you’ll have found a way to rid yourself of them for good by then.
