When someone you care about is single and not exactly loving it, it’s natural to want to support them.
However, not all advice or encouragement is actually helpful — sometimes, it just makes things worse. If you’ve ever tried to cheer up a single friend and been met with an eye roll or a forced smile, there’s a chance your words didn’t land the way you hoped. In fact, they might have come off as condescending, smarmy, or just plain annoying. Here are some things you might be saying that aren’t as helpful as you think.
1. “You’re too picky.”
Telling someone they’re “too picky” makes it sound like they should lower their standards and just settle for anyone. But being selective isn’t a bad thing; it’s how people avoid wasting time on relationships that don’t actually make them happy. Most people aren’t rejecting potential partners over tiny, insignificant things. They’re just holding out for someone who genuinely fits their life and values. Encouraging someone to date just for the sake of it isn’t helpful, it’s just dismissive.
2. “You’ll meet someone when you least expect it.”
This one gets thrown around all the time, but it’s not actually that comforting. Telling someone to “stop looking” so love can magically appear makes it sound like effort and intention don’t matter. People meet partners in all sorts of ways — some through pure luck, others through apps, matchmaking, or simply putting themselves out there. Suggesting that they should stop trying doesn’t change the fact that dating takes effort.
3. “Maybe you should try dating someone outside your type.”
It’s not a bad thing to keep an open mind, but this phrase often comes across as, “You must be doing something wrong.” It implies that their past choices were all mistakes and that they should just date someone completely random to see if it works. Attraction and compatibility aren’t things you can force. While broadening horizons can be good, making it sound like they’re the problem isn’t the way to go.
4. “I don’t get why you’re still single.”
On the surface, this sounds like a compliment, but underneath, it can feel frustrating. It makes it sound like being single is a puzzle that needs solving, as if there must be some hidden flaw they’re unaware of. Plenty of great people are single, and it’s not always because something is “wrong.” Relationships aren’t a prize for being attractive or interesting — sometimes, it just hasn’t been the right time or the right person.
5. “Have you tried online dating?”
Unless someone has been living under a rock, they already know online dating exists. This suggestion makes it seem like they just haven’t thought of it yet, when in reality, they’ve probably swiped through hundreds of profiles already. Dating apps aren’t for everyone, and even those who do use them know they can be exhausting. Acting like it’s an easy fix ignores how frustrating modern dating can actually be.
6. “Enjoy being single while you can!”
While there are definitely perks to being single, this comment often feels dismissive. It can come across as, “You should be happy with your situation instead of wanting something more.” Wanting a relationship doesn’t mean someone isn’t enjoying their life. It’s possible to be happy and independent while also wanting a partner; it’s not an either/or situation.
7. “You just need to love yourself first.”
Self-love is important, but this phrase can feel like a backhanded way of saying, “Maybe you’re single because you don’t like yourself enough.” Plenty of people who struggle with confidence are in relationships, and plenty of self-assured people are single. Loving yourself is always a good thing, but it’s not some magical key that unlocks romance. People are allowed to want love even while they’re still working on themselves.
8. “Stop looking, and the right person will find you.”
While love sometimes happens unexpectedly, this advice makes it sound like putting effort into dating is pointless. It suggests that being proactive is somehow the wrong approach. People don’t just stumble into relationships out of nowhere. Whether it’s through mutual friends, hobbies, dating apps, or sheer luck, effort plays a role. Telling someone to just “wait for it” isn’t exactly helpful.
9. “Relationships aren’t that great anyway.”
This one is often said with good intentions, but it usually falls flat. If someone wants a relationship, they don’t want to hear about how annoying partners can be or how much hard work relationships take. It can feel like their feelings are being dismissed rather than understood. Just because relationships come with challenges doesn’t mean wanting one is a bad thing.
10. “Maybe you’re not putting yourself out there enough.”
This can be frustrating because it assumes that if someone is single, they must not be trying hard enough. But not everyone wants to force themselves into social situations just for the sake of meeting a partner. Some people actively date, some are waiting for the right opportunity, and some are just focused on other things in life. Being single isn’t always about effort; it’s also about timing and luck.
11. “Have you thought about settling down?”
This one makes it sound like being single is a problem to be fixed. It assumes that if someone is single, they must not be thinking seriously about their future. Some people are actively looking for love, while others are simply open to it when it happens. Either way, treating singlehood like a temporary phase that needs to be rushed through isn’t helpful.
12. “You just need to manifest love into your life.”
Manifesting positive things is great, but love isn’t something you can just think into existence. Telling someone to “put the right energy into the universe” makes it sound like their lack of a relationship is somehow their own fault. People can be open to love, hopeful about their future, and still not have met the right person yet. It’s not because they didn’t “manifest hard enough.”
13. “I can’t imagine being single at your age.”
This is possibly one of the worst things you can say. It makes someone feel like their relationship status is something to be pitied rather than just another stage of life. There’s no set timeline for love. Some people meet their person early in life, some much later, and some realise they’re happier solo. Acting like being single past a certain age is some kind of disaster just puts unnecessary pressure on people.
14. “I should set you up with someone!”
While this can come from a good place, it often feels like an automatic reaction to finding out someone is single, like they need saving. If your friend is open to being set up, great! But not everyone wants their love life treated like a matchmaking experiment. Rather than assuming they need help, it’s better to ask if they’re even interested in being set up before making plans for them.
15. “Your time will come.”
This one is well-meaning, but it can feel like false reassurance. The truth is, no one actually knows what’s going to happen in someone’s love life. Saying “your time will come” can sometimes feel like brushing off their feelings rather than actually acknowledging them. Instead of trying to predict the future, sometimes the best thing to say is simply, “I hear you, and I get it.” A little validation goes a long way.
