There’s nothing worse than talking to your partner about something that’s important to you and being dismissed or totally disregarded.
You might be tempted to clam up and just stop talking altogether, but that shouldn’t fly. You have to confront it head on, and your partner needs to know that if your relationship is going to continue (and remain healthy), they’ll need to start taking you more seriously. Here are some things to say when you find yourself in this situation.
1. “I need you to hear me out completely before responding.”
With this, you’re setting the stage for a proper conversation. You’re asking your partner to zip it and listen before they jump to conclusions or dismiss how you’re feeling. You’re also making it clear that what you’re going to say is important and that you want to be able to express how you’re feeling and be understood.
2. “When you brush off my concerns, it makes me feel unimportant to you.”
Sometimes you just have to give it to your partner straight, and this directly links their behaviour to its emotional impact on you. It’s not accusatory, but clearly expresses how their dismissal affects your sense of worth in the relationship. In theory, at least, it can help your partner understand the consequences of their actions and encourage them to be more considerate.
3. “I understand you might not agree, but my feelings are valid to me.”
Here, you’re acknowledging that your partner might have a different perspective while pointing out that your own feelings are still valid. You’re basically saying that you’re open to conversation, but you’re still being firm about the reality of your emotions. Hopefully, this keeps the discussion from turning into a debate about who’s right and who’s wrong.
4. “Can we pause for a moment? I don’t feel heard right now.”
Sometimes, you need to interrupt the flow of conversation when you’re feeling dismissed. This does so respectfully while clearly stating the problem. It gives both of you a chance to reset and approach the discussion more mindfully, potentially avoiding further frustration or misunderstanding.
5. “I’m not looking for solutions right now, just your understanding.”
Often, partners dismiss feelings by jumping straight to problem-solving. By saying this, you’re making it clear that you’re looking for empathy, not fixes. Hopefully, your partner can then give a more supportive response and realise that sometimes listening is more important than trying to solve things straight away.
6. “It’s important to me that we can discuss our feelings openly.”
This emphasises the value you place on emotional communication in your relationship. It subtly reminds your partner of the importance of creating a safe space for sharing feelings. By framing it as a mutual benefit, you’re inviting your partner to participate in building a more emotionally supportive relationship.
7. “I feel disconnected when you downplay my emotions.”
Again, this is incredibly straightforward and doesn’t take much interpretation — they dismiss you, it turns you off. It points out how their response affects the relationship as a whole, not just your individual feelings, which can help your partner understand the broader consequences of dismissing your emotions and motivate them to be more attentive.
8. “Can you tell me what you heard me say? I want to ensure we’re on the same page.”
In a way, you’re kind of calling them out here because if they weren’t actually listening in the first place, it’ll be obvious. Either they misunderstood you or they weren’t truly paying attention, and neither is ideal. Hopefully, they realise they got it wrong or that they need to start tuning in more when you’re speaking.
9. “I appreciate that you might see things differently, but this is how I feel.”
You get that you’re not always going to be on the same page, but they’re not right by default, and saying this points it out. It shows that you’re not trying to change their view, but rather asking them to respect and acknowledge yours. This can help prevent the conversation from turning into an argument about whose feelings are ‘correct’.
10. “When you dismiss my feelings, it makes me hesitant to share with you in the future.”
Basically, if they keep treating you the way they have been, you won’t bother talking to them at all, and then where will the relationship be? Hopefully, your partner understands that this can have far-reaching consequences, and if they value you, they’ll do something to fix it. This can be a powerful motivator for them to change their approach to your emotional expressions.
11. “I’m not asking you to fix anything, just to acknowledge how I’m feeling.”
Sometimes partners dismiss feelings because they feel pressured to solve a problem. This clarifies that you’re looking for acknowledgment, not solutions. It can relieve the pressure your partner might feel to ‘fix’ things and guide them towards a more supportive, listening role.
12. “It’s okay if you don’t fully understand, but I need you to respect my feelings.”
Your partner might not always relate to your emotions, but they should at least respect them. Saying this sets a clear expectation for how you want your feelings to be treated, even when they’re not fully understood, which can help establish a foundation of mutual respect in your emotional communications.
13. “Can we talk about why you find it hard to engage with my feelings?”
This sounds a bit cheeky, but it’s a totally valid question to ask (and hey, maybe you’re actually interested in the answer). It shows that you’re interested in their thoughts and feelings too, which can make them more receptive to yours. If you care about someone, you should want to understand where they’re coming from and be willing to meet them halfway, after all.
14. “I feel valued when you take the time to understand my point of view.”
This positively reinforces the behaviour you want to see more of in your relationship. By expressing how attentive listening makes you feel valued, you’re encouraging your partner to engage more fully with your emotions. It’s a constructive way to guide your partner towards more supportive behaviour.
15. “Let’s set aside some time to really talk this through without distractions.”
Sometimes, feelings get dismissed because conversations happen at inopportune moments. This suggestion shows that you’re committed to addressing the issue and want to create a proper space for discussion, and it emphasises the importance of the conversation, which can lead to more focused, productive communication.
16. “I need to know that my feelings are important to you, even if you don’t agree with them.”
Again, your partner doesn’t have to see things exactly as you do in order to respect how you feel and empathise with it. They’re your partner, which means they should want what’s best for you. Hearing you out and being supportive rather than dismissive is the very least they could do.
