Friendships are harder for everyone to maintain as you get older, but men in particular seem to suffer from fewer social connections.
One minute, you’ve got a solid group of mates, and the next, you realise you haven’t properly caught up with them in months — sometimes years. Life happens, priorities change, and before you know it, friendships that once felt effortless start slipping away. But losing good friends doesn’t have to be inevitable. Here’s why male friendships often disappear and what can be done to keep them alive.
1. Life responsibilities take over.
Careers, relationships, kids, and mortgages all pile up over time, leaving less room for socialising. While women tend to maintain friendships alongside these responsibilities, men are more likely to let social connections slide when life gets busy.
Instead of assuming friendships will naturally survive the chaos of adult life, it helps to be intentional. Even something as simple as a monthly meet-up or a quick check-in message can stop friendships from fading into the background.
2. Friendships often revolve around activities, not deep conversations.
Many male friendships are built around shared activities — watching football, playing video games, going to the pub — rather than emotional connection. When those activities become less frequent, the friendship can start to fade.
Making an effort to talk about more than just surface-level stuff can strengthen a friendship beyond shared interests. It doesn’t have to be deep heart-to-hearts or anything; just checking in with each other properly can make a difference.
3. The low maintenance mindset can really backfire.
Men often pride themselves on having “low maintenance” friendships — the kind where you don’t talk for ages but can pick up where you left off. While this works for some relationships, it can also be an excuse for letting connections kind of just fade away over time.
There’s nothing wrong with being laid-back, but waiting months or years between messages can make even the best friendships feel distant. A quick “How’s life?” now and then keeps things from completely fading away.
4. Moving away can create an emotional distance, not just a physical one.
When someone moves to a new city (or even just to the other side of town), friendships often get hit with the slow fade. Without regular in-person meet-ups, it becomes easier to let communication slip. Long-distance friendships take effort, but they don’t have to disappear. Setting up occasional visits, gaming online together, or even just sharing funny memes can help maintain the bond.
5. Romantic relationships change priorities.
It’s common for men to become less available to friends once they get into a serious relationship. Date nights, shared responsibilities, and simply wanting to spend more time with a partner can push friendships down the priority list.
Balancing friendships and relationships doesn’t have to be complicated. Scheduling occasional lads’ nights or group hangouts that include partners can help maintain connections without feeling like a competition for time.
6. Fatherhood can be isolating.
Becoming a dad is one of the biggest life changes a man can go through, and it often leads to friendships drifting. Sleepless nights, childcare duties, and adjusting to a completely different lifestyle can make social plans feel impossible.
While priorities naturally shift, staying connected with friends, even just through a quick chat or a walk with the pram, can prevent total social isolation. Friendships don’t have to disappear just because life looks different.
7. Social awkwardness can creep in.
When friendships fade, it can feel awkward to reach out after a long time. Men sometimes avoid reconnecting because they assume the other person has moved on or won’t be interested anymore. The reality is that most people are happy to hear from an old mate. Sending a message like, “It’s been too long — let’s grab a drink soon,” is often all it takes to get things back on track.
8. Men are less likely to organise social plans.
Many male friendships rely on someone else taking the lead, whether it’s a friend’s partner arranging a get-together or a regular pub meet-up that happens without needing much planning. When those casual plans stop, so do the friendships. Rather than waiting for someone else to organise something, taking the initiative, even just to suggest a catch-up, can stop friendships from completely disappearing.
9. Work culture makes friendships harder to maintain.
For many men, work becomes the main focus of adult life, leaving little time for anything else. Long hours, stressful jobs, and commuting can drain energy for socialising. Work-life balance matters, and keeping friendships alive doesn’t always mean big plans. Even catching up during a lunch break or a quick call on the drive home can keep connections strong.
10. Mental health struggles make reaching out feel harder.
Many men struggle in silence when dealing with stress, anxiety, or depression, often pulling away from friendships instead of leaning on them. The fear of being a burden or not knowing how to start the conversation can lead to complete withdrawal. Reaching out, even if it’s just to say, “Been a rough few weeks, fancy a catch-up?” can make a huge difference. Real mates don’t expect you to have it all together; they just want to know you’re okay.
11. Friendships from younger years don’t always grow with you.
Some friendships fade simply because people change. What worked in your early 20s might not fit your life in your 30s or 40s. If conversations start feeling forced, it’s easy to let things drift.
Instead of seeing this as a loss, it helps to focus on building new friendships that match where you are now. Making friends as an adult can feel daunting, but shared interests, sports, or even work connections can lead to solid new friendships.
12. The ‘man up’ culture discourages emotional connection.
Men are often taught to be independent and self-reliant, which can make friendships feel less essential. Unlike women, who often nurture friendships through emotional connection, men are less likely to open up about deeper feelings.
Changing that mindset can change everything. Real friendships don’t need to be all serious talks, but being able to check in on each other beyond surface-level chat makes a massive difference in keeping friendships strong.
13. Social media makes it feel like you’re connected, but you’re not.
Scrolling through Instagram and liking someone’s post isn’t the same as having an actual conversation. Social media can create the illusion of staying in touch while friendships slowly fade in real life. A quick message or a call goes a lot further than a passive like. Instead of assuming someone’s fine because they’re posting, actually reaching out is what keeps real friendships alive.
14. The idea that “real friends don’t need to talk all the time” can go too far.
Source: Unsplash It’s true that solid friendships don’t require constant contact, but there’s a difference between that and never making the effort. If months turn into years without a proper conversation, even the strongest friendships can fade.
Maintaining friendships doesn’t mean daily check-ins — it just means showing up now and then. A message, a drink, or even just a “Thinking of you, mate” keeps the door open, so things don’t completely disappear.
