Manipulation is a narcissist’s favourite tool, and they use it regularly and widely.
While their victims just want to get as far away from them as possible once they realise what’s going on, the narcissist tells a completely different story. In their minds, their victims are “obsessed” with them and won’t let them move on with their lives, rather than the other way around.
1. They divert attention from their own actions.
When a narcissist accuses their victim of being overly focused on them, it serves as a distraction from their own toxic behaviour. Deflecting stops everyone else from noticing the narcissist’s manipulation and keeps the focus squarely on their victim, creating a convenient smokescreen for their own actions.
2. It weakens the victim’s credibility.
By framing the victim as someone who’s “too invested” in the situation, narcissists create doubt about their validity. It’s horrible because it undermines the victim’s voice, making their complaints seem exaggerated or irrational, even when the narcissist’s behaviour is at the heart of the problem.
3. It confuses the narrative.
Narcissists thrive on creating confusion. When they shift the conversation away from their own actions and focus on their victim’s response, it muddies the waters, making it hard for anyone to see the truth. It makes the victim question their own perception of events, leaving them uncertain and vulnerable. And yes, that’s by design.
4. It isolates the victim.
Once the narcissist plants the idea that the victim is the one “too wrapped up” in the relationship, it can lead to social isolation. Friends and family may begin to distance themselves, seeing the victim as the cause of drama or unnecessary tension. This isolation makes it easier for the narcissist to maintain control without interference.
5. It creates self-doubt.
When the victim is repeatedly accused of overreacting or being “too emotional,” it chips away at their self-confidence. Over time, this constant questioning of their own behaviour can lead to self-doubt, causing them to second-guess their actions and reactions in the relationship.
6. It maintains the narcissist’s control over the relationship.
By shifting the blame to the victim, the narcissist keeps control of the relationship dynamic. They avoid accountability and continue dictating the terms of the relationship, all while keeping their partner off-balance. This control ensures that the victim remains in a constant state of uncertainty and dependence on the narcissist.
7. It deflects from their own shortcomings.
Narcissists rarely admit to any wrongdoings. By focusing on their victim’s supposed obsession or irrational behaviour, they avoid having to face their own flaws. This tactic allows them to stay in denial about their mistreatment and perpetuates the cycle of manipulation without challenge.
8. It justifies their harmful behaviour.
By painting their victim as being “too attached” or “overly focused,” narcissists position themselves as justified in their actions. They make it seem like they are simply reacting to an overzealous partner, when in reality, they are the ones instigating the toxicity.
9. It keeps the victim from getting outside help.
The narcissist’s narrative makes it harder for the victim to reach out for support. If other people start to believe that the victim is the problem, they might hesitate to get help because they’re worried that their concerns will be dismissed. The narcissist creates a barrier between the victim and their support system, reinforcing their control.
10. It amplifies insecurities in the victim.
Narcissists know how to exploit their victim’s vulnerabilities. By casting them as over-invested or overly sensitive, they highlight their insecurities. This tactic keeps the victim feeling insecure and unworthy, making it harder for them to stand up for themselves or assert their needs in the relationship.
11. It reinforces their sense of superiority.
By redirecting the conversation to the victim’s emotional state, narcissists place themselves in the position of power. They appear calm, rational, and in control, while the victim is painted as the one in the wrong. This reinforces the narcissist’s belief in their superiority and keeps them in the dominant position.
12. It prevents the narcissist from confronting their flaws.
Shifting the blame to the victim allows the narcissist to avoid any real self-reflection. By denying the impact of their own actions, they prevent themselves from facing the truth and the potential consequences of their manipulative behaviour.
13. It fuels the narcissist’s need for admiration.
By positioning themselves as the innocent party, the narcissist is looking for admiration and sympathy from other people. The focus is shifted from their damaging behaviour to the supposed “suffering” they endure from an overly obsessed or emotional victim. This fuels their ego and provides them with the attention they crave.
14. It keeps the victim from speaking out.
When the victim is constantly made to feel like they’re the one out of line, they begin to internalise the blame. This makes it much harder for them to speak out or share their experiences, for fear of being labelled as dramatic or unstable. The narcissist uses this to keep their control intact.
15. It traps the victim in a cycle of manipulation.
By constantly shifting the narrative, narcissists keep their victim trapped in a cycle of confusion, self-doubt, and dependence. The victim starts to believe that their feelings and actions are the problem, which keeps them tethered to the narcissist and under their control.
