When you’re dealing with a narcissist, it’s normal to feel like you’re losing your grip on reality.
That dizzying feeling of confusion, self-doubt, and emotional turmoil is a common experience for those entangled in these complex relationships. Narcissists have a knack for distorting your perception, making you question your sanity, and leaving you feeling like you’re the one with the problem. But take a deep breath – you’re not alone, and you’re not going crazy. Here are some of the tactics narcissists use to make you feel this way (and how to avoid letting them).
1. They gaslight you into questioning your memory and perception.
Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic where the narcissist denies your reality, making you doubt your own memories and perceptions. They might insist that something you clearly remember didn’t happen, or that your feelings are invalid. This constant invalidation can chip away at your confidence and make you question your sanity.
2. They project their own flaws and insecurities onto you.
Narcissists are masters of projection. They often accuse you of the very things they’re guilty of, such as dishonesty, manipulation, or insensitivity. This tactic can make you feel defensive and confused, as you try to defend yourself against accusations that don’t fit.
3. They love bomb you, then devalue you.
The narcissist’s love bombing phase is a whirlwind of affection, compliments, and attention. It sweeps you off your feet, making you feel cherished and adored. But this phase is fleeting, and soon the narcissist devalues you, criticising, belittling, and withdrawing their affection. This emotional rollercoaster can leave you feeling disoriented and questioning your worth.
4. They twist your words and actions to suit their narrative.
Narcissists are skilled at twisting your words and actions to fit their desired narrative. They might misinterpret your intentions, exaggerate your flaws, or completely fabricate stories to make you look bad. This constant distortion of reality can leave you feeling confused and frustrated, as you struggle to communicate effectively.
5. They isolate you from your support system.
Narcissists often try to isolate you from your friends and family, making you dependent on them for emotional support and validation. They might criticise your loved ones, plant seeds of doubt about their intentions, or even create drama to drive a wedge between you. This isolation can leave you feeling alone and vulnerable, making it easier for the narcissist to manipulate you.
6. They use intermittent reinforcement to keep you hooked.
Intermittent reinforcement is a psychological tactic where the narcissist rewards you sporadically for your compliance, creating a cycle of hope and despair. You might receive occasional compliments or gestures of affection, but these are always followed by periods of neglect or criticism. This unpredictable pattern keeps you hooked, constantly seeking their approval and validation.
7. They trigger your insecurities and vulnerabilities.
Narcissists are experts at identifying and exploiting your insecurities and vulnerabilities. They might make subtle comments about your appearance, intelligence, or abilities, chipping away at your self-esteem. This tactic keeps you feeling unsure of yourself and dependent on their approval.
8. They use charm and manipulation to win you over.
Narcissists are often charming and charismatic, making it easy for them to win you over. They might shower you with attention and compliments, making you feel special and important. This charm offensive is a tool of manipulation, designed to disarm you and make you more susceptible to their influence.
9. They create chaos and drama to keep you off balance.
Narcissists thrive on chaos and drama. They might start arguments, spread rumours or create conflict out of thin air. This constant turmoil keeps you on edge, emotionally drained, and focused on managing their drama rather than attending to your own needs.
10. They blame you for their problems and mistakes.
Narcissists rarely take responsibility for their actions or mistakes. Instead, they blame you for their problems, shifting the responsibility onto your shoulders. This blame game can leave you feeling guilty, ashamed, and responsible for their unhappiness, even when you’ve done nothing wrong.
11. They undermine your confidence and self-esteem.
Narcissists are experts at chipping away at your confidence and self-esteem. They might make subtle comments about your appearance, abilities, or choices, planting seeds of doubt in your mind. Over time, this constant criticism can really knock your self-worth, making you more reliant on their approval and validation.
12. They invalidate your feelings and emotions.
Narcissists often dismiss or invalidate your feelings and emotions, making you feel like your experiences are insignificant or invalid. They might tell you that you’re “too sensitive,” “overreacting,” or “making a big deal out of nothing.” This emotional invalidation can leave you feeling unheard, misunderstood, and questioning your sanity.
13. They set impossible standards and expectations.
Narcissists often set unrealistic expectations for you, creating a constant feeling of inadequacy and failure. They might demand perfection, criticise your efforts, or move the goalposts whenever you come close to meeting their demands. This constant striving to please them can be exhausting and demoralising.
14. They play mind games and manipulate your emotions.
Narcissists are masters of manipulation. They might use guilt trips, silent treatment, or other tactics to control your emotions and behaviour. They might play hot and cold, making you crave their attention and approval. This emotional manipulation can leave you feeling confused, anxious, and unsure of where you stand.
15. They make you feel like you’re the crazy one.
One of the most insidious tactics narcissists use is to make you feel like you’re the one with the problem. They might accuse you of being “too emotional,” “irrational,” or “overly sensitive.” They might even suggest that you need therapy or medication. This gaslighting tactic can make you doubt your sanity and question your perception of reality.
16. They refuse to apologise or take responsibility.
Narcissists rarely apologise or take responsibility for their actions. They might deflect blame, make excuses, or even turn the tables and accuse you of wrongdoing. This lack of accountability can leave you feeling frustrated, unheard, and powerless.
17. They leave you feeling drained and emotionally exhausted.
The constant chaos, drama, and manipulation in a relationship with a narcissist can take a significant toll on your emotional well-being. You might feel drained, exhausted, and emotionally depleted. This constant state of emotional turmoil can make it difficult to function in your daily life and maintain healthy relationships.
