No one likes to admit it, but we’ve all felt a twinge of bitterness at some point when someone close to us does well.
It’s not that you don’t want the best for them, but something about their success hits a nerve. Why does this happen, and what does it mean for you and your friendship? Here are some totally normal and very human reasons that seeing your friends succeed might make you feel annoyed or even a bit resentful. As long as you recognise what’s happening and don’t let it overtake you, it’s usually no big deal.
1. You’re comparing yourself to them.
It’s hard not to compare our lives with other people’s, especially when they seem to be doing so well. You might start measuring your success against theirs and feel like you’re falling short. All that comparison can breed feelings of inadequacy, even if there’s no real reason to feel that way.
2. You feel like you’re stuck.
Source: Pexels Seeing your friends move forward while you feel like you’re in the same place can be tough. It’s not necessarily that their success makes you unhappy; it’s more that their progress highlights your own stagnation, making you feel frustrated with where you are in life.
3. You’re jealous of their opportunity.
Source: Brooke Cagle/Unsplash Sometimes, seeing a friend succeed triggers jealousy, especially if you feel like you’ve worked just as hard, if not harder. You might wonder why they’re getting all the opportunities, while you feel overlooked or underappreciated. It’s natural to want to be recognised for your efforts, too.
4. You feel disconnected from them.
Success can change the dynamics of a friendship. As your friend achieves more, you might start feeling distant from them, as if they’re moving into a different world. It can leave you with feelings of resentment, as you struggle to relate to their new experiences and lifestyle.
5. You’re afraid of being left behind.
Watching your friend succeed might trigger a fear of being left behind. You might worry that their success means they’ll outgrow you, or that you won’t have as much in common anymore. The idea that you’re no longer on the same level can create anxiety and bitterness.
6. You feel like they don’t deserve it.
Source: Pexels Sometimes, bitterness arises when you feel that your friend didn’t work as hard or isn’t as deserving of success as you are. It might not be rational, but the feeling that they’ve somehow “got lucky” can make their achievements feel less earned, sparking jealousy in the process.
7. You fear your own failure.
Source: Unsplash When your friend succeeds, it can highlight your own failures or shortcomings. Seeing them achieve their goals can make you painfully aware of what you haven’t accomplished, leading to self-doubt and feelings of bitterness about your own lack of progress.
8. You feel unsupported.
Source: Unsplash If your friend’s success isn’t accompanied by the support or appreciation you feel you deserve, it can leave you feeling bitter. You might feel like they’ve “forgotten” about you, or that their new success has come at the expense of the friendship you once shared.
9. Their success reminds you of your own struggles.
Sometimes, a friend’s success can bring your own struggles into sharp focus. If you’re dealing with personal or professional setbacks, their achievements might serve as a painful reminder of what you’re currently going through, which can trigger bitterness.
10. You feel like they’ve changed.
Success can sometimes change people, and not always for the better. If your friend’s newfound success has made them less relatable, more self-centred, or distant, it can cause resentment. You might feel that they’ve become someone you no longer recognise or connect with.
11. You’re worried about jealousy affecting the friendship.
Recognising your own jealousy can make you feel guilty and conflicted. You might worry that these feelings will sour your friendship and cause a rift. The fear that your bitterness will damage the relationship can add to the complexity of your emotions.
12. You feel like you’re in competition.
It’s hard not to feel competitive when you see a friend succeeding, especially if you’ve always been close and shared similar goals. You might start measuring yourself against them, seeing their success as a challenge to your own worth. This sense of competition can quickly breed feelings of bitterness.
13. You think success should be a shared experience.
In a close friendship, you often hope that you’ll both succeed together. When one person rises, it can feel like the other has been left behind, even if there’s no ill intent. The idea that success should be a mutual experience can make it difficult to celebrate your friend’s success without feeling left out.
