Age is just a number, they say — but let’s be honest, there are certain telltale signs that creep up on us that prove we’re not as young as we used to be.
Forget going gray or getting a few wrinkles — that has nothing to do with ageing in a way that truly matters. In reality, it’s the little things we do and say that really give the game away. Here are some of the quirks that might mean you’re officially ‘old’. Don’t stress, it happens to the best of us (if we’re lucky!). I’m unashamed to say that I hilariously relate to pretty much every item on this list!
1. You groan every time you sit down or stand up.
Remember when you could spring up from the sofa without a sound? Now, getting up from any seated position is accompanied by an involuntary “oof” or “ugh”. It’s like your body needs to vocally prepare for the monumental task of becoming vertical. And don’t even get started on the noises you make when trying to get comfy in bed. It’s a whole symphony of creaks and groans.
2. You’ve started tutting at “kids these days”.
Suddenly, you find yourself shaking your head at teenagers’ fashion choices or muttering under your breath about the music they listen to. You catch yourself saying things like “In my day…” or “What’s wrong with a good old-fashioned…”. It’s official — you’ve become the grumpy old person you used to laugh at when you were younger.
3. You get excited about new kitchen appliances.
Gone are the days when a night out was the highlight of your week. Now, you find yourself giddy with excitement over a new food processor or a fancy set of saucepans. You spend your weekends browsing homeware stores, and you’ve got strong opinions about the best brand of vacuum cleaner. Who knew adulting could be so thrilling?
4. You’ve started wearing “sensible” shoes.
High heels? No, thanks. Flimsy trainers? Not a chance. You’ve discovered the joy of orthopaedic insoles and shoes with “arch support”. Comfort is king now, and you’re not ashamed to admit it. You might even catch yourself lecturing younger people about the importance of good footwear for your back. When did your feet become such a hot topic of conversation?
5. You complain about the temperature… constantly.
It’s either too hot or too cold, never just right. You find yourself adjusting the thermostat more often than you’d like to admit. And don’t even get started on draughts — you can feel them from a mile away. You’ve become that person who always carries a cardigan, “just in case”. Climate control has become your new obsession.
6. You’ve started forgetting why you walked into a room.
You enter the kitchen with purpose, only to stand there wondering what on earth you came in for. This happens more often than you’d like to admit. You joke about it being a “senior moment”, but secretly, you’re a bit worried. Don’t be! It happens to everyone. Just retrace your steps and hope it comes back to you… eventually.
7. You make that weird “oof” noise when you bend over.
Picking something up off the floor has become a whole ordeal. As you bend down, you involuntarily let out a noise that’s somewhere between a sigh and a groan. It’s like your body is protesting the very idea of stooping. And let’s not even talk about how long it takes you to straighten up again. When did the floor get so far away?
8. You’ve started going to bed ridiculously early.
Remember when staying up past midnight was easy? Now, you’re yawning by 9 pm and in bed by 10. The thought of a late night out fills you with dread — all you can think about is how tired you’ll be the next day. Early nights and early mornings have become your new normal, and honestly, you’re not even mad about it.
9. You get unreasonably excited about gardening.
Suddenly, you find yourself poring over seed catalogues and discussing the merits of different types of compost. Your idea of a wild Saturday night now involves deadheading your roses or repotting your houseplants. You’ve even started tutting at weeds in other people’s gardens. When did you become so passionate about plant life?
10. You’ve started telling people about your ailments… in detail.
Conversations with friends now involve in-depth discussions about your various aches and pains. You compare notes on medications and swap stories about doctor’s visits. You find yourself using phrases like “trick knee” and “bad back” with alarming frequency. When did your health become such a fascinating topic of conversation?
11. You’ve developed a deep appreciation for a good nap.
Naps are no longer just for babies and university students. You’ve rediscovered the joy of a midday snooze, and you’re not ashamed to admit it. In fact, you plan your weekends around prime napping opportunities. You’ve even perfected the art of the “power nap” — 20 minutes of blissful shut-eye that leaves you feeling refreshed and ready to face the rest of the day.
12. You’ve started complaining about “kids on their phones”.
Despite being glued to your own device, you find yourself tutting at younger people constantly staring at their screens. You reminisce about the “good old days” when people talked face-to-face. You might even catch yourself saying things like, “When I was young, we made our own entertainment”. Welcome to the club of technological curmudgeons.
13. You’ve developed strong opinions about bin day.
Suddenly, the weekly bin collection has become a major event in your calendar. You have strong views on recycling etiquette and get unreasonably annoyed when neighbours put the wrong items in the wrong bins. You find yourself judging people based on how early they put their bins out. When did waste management become such a hot topic?
14. You’ve started hoarding plastic bags and containers.
Your kitchen is now home to a growing collection of plastic bags and takeaway containers. You can’t bring yourself to throw them away because “they might come in handy”. You have a bag full of bags, and containers of all shapes and sizes stuffed into every available cupboard space. It’s not hoarding, it’s being prepared… right?
15. You’ve developed a newfound appreciation for comfortable underwear.
Gone are the days of prioritising style over comfort when it comes to your undies. Now, you’re all about the big pants and comfy bras. You find yourself extolling the virtues of cotton over lace, and elasticated waistbands have become your new best friend. Comfort is king, and you’re not afraid to admit it.
16. You’ve started using phrases like “back in my day” unironically.
You catch yourself starting sentences with “Young people today don’t understand…” or “When I was your age…”. You find yourself reminiscing about the “good old days” with increasing frequency. You might even catch yourself explaining to younger people how things were “better” when you were growing up. Congratulations, you’ve officially entered the realm of the nostalgic old-timer.
