Relaxing sounds easy… until you actually try to do it.
For some people, lying on the sofa or having a day off is enough to spark guilt, restlessness, or the sudden urge to reorganise the entire kitchen. If that sounds familiar, you might not know how to truly switch off, even if your calendar says “free time.” Here are some seemingly innocent habits that usually mean you’ve forgotten how to relax, even when you think you’re trying to.
1. You always need to be “productive.”
If you treat rest like a reward instead of a necessity, chances are you struggle to unwind. Relaxation isn’t about earning your way there. It’s about knowing you don’t have to be useful 24/7 to deserve peace. People who can’t relax often feel a weird sense of failure when they aren’t ticking off tasks. Even sitting still turns into something that needs justification, like “recharging to get more done tomorrow.”
2. You can’t sit still without your phone.
You might tell yourself you’re relaxing while scrolling, but your brain’s still on high alert—reacting, comparing, absorbing. That constant mental input isn’t helping you unwind, even if your body’s still. If you reach for your phone the second things go quiet, it’s a sign that true stillness makes you uncomfortable. Your nervous system hasn’t actually clocked out; it’s just switched apps.
3. You feel guilty for resting.
Guilt is a major red flag. If relaxing makes you feel like you’re being lazy, selfish, or wasting time, then your relationship with rest might need a reboot. You’ve absorbed the idea that stillness = unworthiness. This habit usually stems from growing up around people who linked value to output. Undoing that belief takes time, but it starts with reminding yourself that humans aren’t machines. We’re not built for constant motion.
4. You multitask even during downtime.
Trying to “relax” while also folding laundry, answering texts, and watching a documentary doesn’t count. Your brain isn’t relaxing; it’s just doing multiple low-stress jobs at once, which still burns energy. If you always feel the urge to combine everything—eat dinner while working, stretch while replying to emails—you’re stuck in do-it-all mode. Real rest involves doing less, not finding more ways to cram things in.
5. You can’t nap, even when you’re tired.
Some people don’t like naps, and that’s fair enough. However, if you’re constantly exhausted and still can’t let yourself lie down, it might be about more than just preference. Rest feels like weakness to people who are wired for go-go-go. When your body is tired, but your mind refuses to switch off, that disconnection can mess with sleep and recovery. It’s not that you don’t *need* to rest. It’s that you’ve trained yourself to ignore the signals.
6. You overplan your free time.
Weekends or evenings off should feel open, but if you’re scheduling every minute with errands, goals, or catch-ups, you’re not actually relaxing. Instead, you’re project-managing your own leisure time. Being organised is great, but if free time always becomes another list of boxes to tick, your nervous system never really gets the break it’s craving. Spontaneity has a role in rest, too.
7. You feel uncomfortable doing nothing.
When you finally get a quiet moment, do you immediately start wondering what you’re forgetting? That twitchy sense of “I should be doing something” is a big clue your brain hasn’t learned to associate stillness with safety. A lot of us grew up in environments where rest wasn’t respected; it was framed as laziness or indulgence. So, doing nothing now feels weirdly unsafe, like you’re slacking or being watched.
8. You turn everything into self-improvement.
You can’t just enjoy a walk — it has to be 10,000 steps. You can’t read for fun; it needs to be a personal growth book. Even hobbies get repackaged into something “productive.” That constant drive to optimise every moment keeps you from actually resting. You don’t need to come out of every break with new knowledge or a better body. Sometimes, you just need to feel calm.
9. You interrupt rest with chores.
You sit down to relax, and five minutes later, you’re wiping counters or reorganising a drawer. It feels “easier” to get up and do something than to just sit with stillness. For some people, cleaning and tidying offer control in a chaotic world. But when it’s compulsive or interrupting rest, it’s worth asking if it’s really helping, or just a distraction in disguise.
10. You use caffeine to push through tiredness.
Instead of resting when your body asks for a break, you reach for another coffee and power through. That habit might get you through the day, but it’s not helping long-term energy or actual recovery. If your idea of “relaxing” still involves overstimulating yourself so you can keep going, your body’s being tricked into overdrive, not nurtured back into balance.
11. You don’t recognise signs of burnout until they’re extreme.
If you only realise you’re overwhelmed once you’re having a breakdown or snapping at everyone, you’ve probably lost touch with the earlier signs. Your baseline has moved so far that constant tension feels normal. People who can’t relax often ignore the little signals—fatigue, irritability, forgetfulness—because they’re used to powering through. However, that constant override eventually catches up with you.
12. You associate rest with being “lazy.”
If you were raised to believe that resting is unproductive or even shameful, you’ll struggle to enjoy it now. That mental script keeps playing, even when your body’s crying out for a break. Reframing rest as a vital, non-negotiable part of functioning, rather than a luxury or flaw, is one of the most important mindset changes you can make. Laziness isn’t the enemy. Exhaustion is.
13. You downplay how stressed you actually are.
If you always say “I’m fine” or “I’m just a bit busy” when really you’re hanging on by a thread, it means you’re stuck in survival mode. You’re so used to carrying stress that you barely register it anymore. This habit keeps you from slowing down because you’re constantly convincing yourself that you don’t need to. Learning to admit when you’re overloaded is the first step toward building in real rest.
14. You treat relaxing like a waste of time.
If you only allow yourself to unwind when everything else is done, you’re always going to be chasing that moment because the to-do list never really ends. Rest isn’t a reward for finishing life. It’s something your body and mind need regularly, not occasionally. The more you wait for the “right” moment to relax, the further away it gets.
