It’s natural to want to give your children the best things in life, especially if you went without a lot while you were growing up.
However, while your intentions are good, the results can be disastrous. Spoiling your kids teaches them that the world will always be handed to them on a silver platter, without any effort on their behalf. As a result, don’t be surprised if they start doing these things as adults.
1. They expect you to sort out their admin faff.
Your grown-up kid rings you in a tizzy because they can’t figure out how to renew their passport or set up a doctor’s appointment. Instead of googling it or asking a friend, they’re on the blower to you, expecting you to wave your magic wand and sort it. This behaviour is thanks to years of you stepping in to handle every little hiccup. Now, they’re flummoxed by basic adulting tasks, relying on you as their personal PA.
2. They throw a wobbly when things don’t go their way.
Your adult child’s reaction to minor setbacks would put a toddler’s tantrum to shame. Didn’t get that job? Cue the waterworks and door-slamming. Their takeaway order was wrong? Prepare for an hour-long rant. Such an over-the-top response to life’s little disappointments is a classic sign of spoiling. By constantly shielding them from frustration as kids, you’ve left them ill-equipped to handle it as adults.
3. They’re utterly useless in the kitchen.
Your 25-year-old can’t boil an egg without setting off the smoke alarm. They survive on Deliveroo and ping meals because actual cooking is beyond their capabilities. This culinary cluelessness is often the result of well-meaning parents who did everything for their kids, including preparing every meal. Now, they’re lost without your homemade spag bol and can’t fathom how to feed themselves properly.
4. They’re hopeless with money management.
Your adult child’s idea of budgeting is checking their bank balance the day before payday and hoping for the best. They’re constantly skint, despite earning a decent wage, and often come crawling to you for a “loan” (that never gets repaid). This level of financial illiteracy comes from years of you footing the bill for everything, never teaching them the value of money or how to manage it responsibly.
5. They can’t handle criticism without crumbling.
Any form of constructive feedback sends your adult child into a spiral of self-doubt and defensiveness. Whether it’s from a boss, a partner, or even you, they simply can’t cope with the slightest criticism. Their fragility is often the result of excessive praise and protection from negative feedback during childhood. Now, they’re struggling in a world that doesn’t constantly affirm their brilliance.
6. They leave their living space in a state.
Their flat looks like it’s been hit by a tornado, with dirty dishes piled high and laundry strewn about. They seem genuinely puzzled by the concept of regular cleaning. This slobbish behaviour is often rooted in childhood, where Mum or Dad acted as a personal maid service. Now, they’re lost without someone to pick up after them, expecting their living space to magically tidy itself.
7. They struggle to make decisions independently.
Choosing a new mobile phone plan becomes a family committee meeting. They ring you up to decide what to have for dinner. Their clear inability to make decisions without your input is a classic sign of over-parenting. By always stepping in to guide their choices, you’ve inadvertently stunted their decision-making skills. Now, they’re paralysed by the simplest of choices and constantly need your approval.
8. They expect instant gratification in all aspects of life.
Your adult child gets narky if their Amazon parcel doesn’t arrive the next day or if they have to wait in a queue for more than five minutes. Their impatience and expectation of immediate results stem from a childhood where their every whim was catered to instantly. Now, they struggle in a world that doesn’t revolve around their schedule, leading to frustration and disappointment.
9. They shy away from any form of conflict.
Whether it’s a disagreement with a flatmate or a work-related issue, your adult child avoids confrontation like the plague. They’d rather suffer in silence or have you step in than address problems head-on. Avoiding conflict to this level is a result of parents who always swooped in to smooth things over, never allowing their child to learn how to navigate disagreements. Now, they’re just not equipped to handle the normal friction that comes with adult relationships.
10. They lack basic DIY skills.
Changing a lightbulb is a monumental task for your adult child, and the idea of assembling flat-pack furniture sends them into a panic. Perhaps unsurprisingly, helplessness in the face of simple household tasks is often the result of parents who did everything for them. By never letting them get hands-on or figure things out for themselves, you’ve inadvertently created an adult who’s baffled by a screwdriver.
11. They have an inflated sense of their own abilities.
Source: Unsplash Your adult child genuinely believes they’re God’s gift to their profession, despite being an entry-level employee. They can’t understand why they’re not running the company after six months on the job. Their overinflated ego is an inevitable result of excessive, unwarranted praise during childhood. By constantly telling them they were the best at everything, you’ve created an adult with unrealistic expectations of their place in the world.
12. They’re chronically disorganised.
Your adult child’s life is a constant state of chaos. They’re always running late, forgetting important dates, and losing important items. Disorganisation is often rooted in a childhood where Mum or Dad acted as their personal secretary, keeping track of everything for them. Now, they’re floundering without someone to manage their schedule and responsibilities.
13. They struggle with delayed gratification.
The concept of saving up for something or working towards a long-term goal is foreign to your adult child. They want everything now, often racking up debt to get it. Their inability to delay gratification comes from a childhood where they were given everything they wanted, when they wanted it. Now, they struggle in a world that requires patience and planning.
14. They lack empathy for other people’s struggles.
Your adult child seems genuinely baffled when people talk about financial struggles or work stress. They can’t fathom why everyone doesn’t just have their parents sort things out. This lack of empathy often comes from a sheltered upbringing where they were protected from life’s harsh realities. Now, they struggle to relate to people who didn’t have the same privileges.
15. They’re overly dependent on social media validation.
Their mood hinges on the number of likes their latest Instagram post receives. They’re constantly looking for validation online, unable to feel good about themselves without external affirmation. Childhoods filled with excessive praise and attention often lead to this kind of behaviour. Now, they’re looking for that same level of constant validation from the wider world.
16. They struggle to take responsibility for their actions.
When things go pear-shaped, your adult child is quick to blame everyone but themselves. They always have an excuse ready, unable to admit when they’ve messed up. Their aversion to responsibility often comes from childhoods where parents were too quick to swoop in and fix their mistakes. Now, they’re struggling to own up to their actions in the adult world.
17. They expect life to be consistently easy and fair.
Your adult child is constantly shocked by life’s unfairness, whether it’s not getting a promotion or facing unexpected bills. They seem to think the world should bend to their will, just like their childhood environment did. Their naïveté is an inevitable result of an upbringing where they were sheltered from disappointments and challenges. Now, they’re struggling to cope with the realities of a world that doesn’t always play by their rules.
