Your parents might have meant well, but their constant criticising may have left you with a ton of issues.
Overly critical parents tend to think they’re doing their kids a favour by pointing out their flaws. However, in reality, their approach to bettering you likely had the opposite effect. Here are some traits you’ve probably developed as an adult as a result of their harsh parenting.
1. You can’t accept a compliment to save your life.
When you’re used to hearing criticism, compliments can feel uncomfortable or even undeserved. You might downplay your achievements or deflect praise, believing that you’re not truly worthy of recognition. However, learning to accept compliments graciously is a step towards recognising your own value and accomplishments.
2. Your inner critic is loud — and mean!
That voice inside your head that constantly points out your flaws and mistakes might sound a lot like your parents. It can be relentless, undermining your confidence and making it difficult to feel good about yourself. But remember, you are not your parents’ voice. You can learn to challenge that inner critic and replace it with self-compassion.
3. You’ll settle for nothing less than total perfection.
Source: Unsplash Growing up with high expectations can lead to a relentless pursuit of perfection. You might feel like you always have to be the best, fearing that anything less will lead to disappointment or criticism. However, perfection is an unattainable goal. Embracing your imperfections and learning to value progress over perfection can be liberating.
4. You’re terrified of failure.
Source: Unsplash When mistakes are met with harsh judgment, it’s natural to develop a fear of failure. This fear can hold you back from taking risks or trying new things. But remember, failure is a part of life, and it’s often through our mistakes that we learn and grow the most.
5. You’re overly sensitive to criticism.
Source: Unsplash Having a thin skin is a common trait among people raised by overly critical parents. Even constructive feedback can feel like a personal attack. However, learning to differentiate between constructive criticism and hurtful judgment can empower you to use feedback as a tool for growth.
6. You’re always looking for people to validate you.
Source: Unsplash When your self-worth has been tied to external validation, it’s easy to fall into the trap of constantly needing approval from everyone around you. You might overwork, overachieve, or people-please in an effort to earn praise and recognition. But true validation comes from within. Learning to value your own opinions and accomplishments is key to building self-esteem.
7. You find it hard to set boundaries.
Source: Unsplash When your parents’ needs and opinions have always been prioritised over your own, it can be challenging to set boundaries. You might say yes to things you don’t want to do or let people take advantage of your kindness. But learning to say no and prioritise your own needs is essential for self-care and healthy relationships.
8. You suffer from analysis paralysis.
Source: Unsplash Overly critical parents can make you doubt your own judgment. You might second-guess yourself constantly or look for reassurance from other people before making even minor decisions. However, trusting your intuition and developing confidence in your decision-making skills is a key part of personal growth.
9. You compare yourself to other people non-stop.
Source: Unsplash Growing up in an environment where you’re constantly evaluated against your peers can lead to a habit of comparing yourself to everyone around you. You might focus on your perceived shortcomings and feel like you’re never good enough. However, comparing yourself to other people is a fruitless endeavour. Everyone has their own unique path and strengths. Focusing on your own growth and progress is a more empowering approach.
10. You don’t trust your instincts.
Source: Unsplash If your thoughts and feelings were frequently dismissed or invalidated, you might have learned to distrust your own instincts. You might second-guess your decisions or rely on other people for guidance, even when you have a strong gut feeling. However, learning to trust your intuition and honouring your inner wisdom is essential for living a more authentic and fulfilling life.
11. You’re a people-pleaser.
Source: Unsplash Constantly trying to please everyone can be a way of avoiding criticism or conflict. You might go out of your way to accommodate people, even at the expense of your own needs and desires. But remember, you are not responsible for everyone’s happiness. Learning to set boundaries and prioritise your own well-being is crucial for healthy relationships.
12. You have a hard time relaxing.
Source: Unsplash Growing up in a high-pressure environment can make it difficult to unwind and relax. You might feel like you always have to be doing something or achieving something. But allowing yourself to rest and recharge is essential for your physical and mental health. Learning to prioritise downtime and engage in activities that bring you joy can be a transformative experience.
13. You have trouble expressing your emotions.
Source: Unsplash If your parents were emotionally distant or critical of your feelings, you might have learned to suppress your emotions. You might have difficulty identifying and expressing your feelings, both positive and negative. But emotions are a natural part of the human experience. Learning to recognise, accept, and express your emotions in healthy ways is a key part of emotional well-being.
14. You’re overly self-critical.
Source: Unsplash That critical voice from your childhood might have become your own internal monologue. You might be overly harsh on yourself, focusing on your flaws and mistakes. But self-compassion is a powerful antidote to self-criticism. Learning to treat yourself with kindness and understanding can transform your relationship with yourself.
15. You struggle with self-doubt.
Source: Unsplash If your confidence was constantly undermined, it’s natural to struggle with self-doubt. You might question your abilities, your decisions, and even your worth. But self-doubt doesn’t have to hold you back. Building self-confidence takes time and effort, but it’s a journey worth taking.
16. You’re afraid of making mistakes.
Source: Unsplash The fear of making mistakes can be paralysing. It can prevent you from taking risks, trying new things, or even expressing your true opinions. But mistakes are inevitable. They’re not a reflection of your worth or intelligence. Embracing mistakes as learning opportunities can help you overcome this fear and live a more fulfilling life.
17. You have difficulty setting goals.
Source: Unsplash When you’re used to having your goals set for you, it can be challenging to identify and pursue your own aspirations. You might feel lost or directionless. But setting goals and working towards them can give you a sense of purpose and fulfilment. It’s never too late to start defining what you want out of life and taking steps to achieve it.
