Friendship is a two-way street, but if you’re taking way more than you’re getting, there’s a problem.
A true friend is someone you can depend on through thick and thin to follow through on their word and to show up when the chips are down. However, if you’re guilty of these behaviours, you’re likely seen as the unreliable one in your friend group and need to shape up.
1. You cancel plans at the last minute all the time.
Source: Unsplash You decided on Monday that you’d be going out this weekend to check out that new Indian restaurant and grab a few pints or a cocktail or two, but about an hour before you’re supposed to meet up, you shoot them a text to say you can’t make it. You don’t have a valid excuse, and you don’t apologise — you just flake out because you can’t be bothered.
2. You’re always running late.
Source: Unsplash When you do actually show up to things, you’re always late. You claim the traffic was bad, you got held up at work, or any number of other excuses that your friends might buy once, but since it’s every time, they’ve long since worn thin. These days, they tell you things start half an hour before they actually do to increase the likelihood that you’ll make it on time.
3. You forget important dates and events.
Source: Unsplash Whether it’s your friends’ birthdays, anniversaries, or other important things they’ve told you about a million times, you just never seem to remember them. These dates pass by without so much as a mention from you, and it’s not until they or someone else remind you that your memory is jogged. This makes your friends feel like you’re not listening to them, and they just don’t matter in your life. Can you blame them?
4. You often “forget” to reply to messages.
Source: Unsplash Everyone gets busy, but if you leave your friends on read for days on end, claiming you “forgot” to respond, they’re going to start seeing you as unreliable. It takes five seconds to send a quick message to say you have a lot going on at the moment. If your friends matter to you, you should be making them a priority.
5. You’re always asking for favours, but rarely return them.
When you’re moving to a new flat, you expect your friends to turn up and help drag all your stuff to your new place without you having to ask. When you split from your partner, you use them as your shoulder to cry on without a second thought. However, when the tables are turned, and they need something, you’re nowhere to be found.
6. You show up unprepared for group activities.
Your friends plan a picnic, and you don’t bring the one thing you said you’d cover. Or, everyone goes out for drinks and miraculously, you “forgot” your wallet again, so you need someone to cover your tab. When you always show up unprepared, whether accidental or on purpose, your friends might soon stop inviting you places.
7. You’re always changing your mind at the last minute.
Constantly changing your mind about plans, whether it’s the where you’re going, what time you’re getting together, or what you’re doing, makes your friends think you’re unreliable. Obviously, it’s good to be flexible, but it’s hard to plan things when you’re always flip-flopping and making it hard to nail things down.
8. You overpromise and underdeliver.
Source: Pexels You talk a big game about what you can and will do for your friends, but when push comes to shove, you never actually follow through. You always have an excuse for why you have to let them down, and it’ll get to the point that they eventually stop taking you seriously since they know your word counts for nothing.
9. You’re always the one needing to be bailed out.
Source: Pexels Your friends constantly have to come to your rescue, whether it’s financially, emotionally, or practically, and that points to you being pretty unreliable. While friends are there to support each other, constantly being the one needing help makes your friends feel like they can never come to you when they’re struggling. You can’t even look after yourself, so how can you help them?
10. You’re inconsistent with your behaviour.
Source: Unsplash If your friends never know which version of you they’re going to get — the life of the party one day, completely withdrawn the next — that’s not a good thing. Because you’re so unpredictable, they’ll likely be hesitant to include you in things because they don’t want to take the chance of it being one of your “off” days.
11. You’re always looking for an “out” in social situations.
Source: Pexels You’re always looking for excuses to leave early or avoid social situations altogether, which is kind of weird. Maybe you’re always on your phone when you’re hanging out, you double book plans, mention all the other stuff you have on… the list goes on and on. Obviously, it’s good to have boundaries, and you don’t have to go to every party or hang out every weekend. However, it’s not good if your friends feel like you’d always rather be somewhere else.
12. You struggle to keep secrets or keep people’s personal business to yourself.
Source: Unsplash If you have a habit of sharing information that was told to you in confidence, you’re likely seen as an unreliable friend. Your friends need to know they can rely on you to be discreet, and if they can’t, it won’t be long before they stop coming to you at all. Is that really how you want things to go?
