One of the worst things about narcissists is just how good they are at manipulating even the smartest, most self-aware people.
You’re intelligent, observant, and you don’t put up with bad behaviour — so how is it that a narcissist has managed to worm their way into your life? Chances are, it comes down to narcissistic grooming, which they use to brainwash you and wrap you right around their finger — and no one is immune to that. Here are some of the methods they use to cause maximum destruction.
1. They love-bomb you until you’re hooked.
Source: Unsplash At first, they shower you with attention, compliments, and affection. It’s like you’re the star of your own romantic comedy, but once they’ve reeled you in, the script flips. Suddenly, you’re chasing after the smallest crumbs of affection, wondering what happened to the person who couldn’t get enough of you.
2. They play hot and cold to keep you guessing.
One minute they’re all over you, the next they’re giving you the cold shoulder. This emotional rollercoaster leaves you dizzy and desperate to get back to the ‘good times’. You start walking on eggshells, trying to figure out how to keep them happy and avoid the silent treatment.
3. They rewrite history to suit their narrative.
Suddenly, your memories don’t match up with theirs. They insist things happened differently than you remember, making you question your own sanity. They try to erase the past at every available opportunity.
4. They isolate you from your support system.
Bit by bit, they plant doubts about your friends and family. They might say your best mate is a bad influence or your mum is too controlling. Before you know it, they’re the only person you feel you can trust — exactly how they want it.
5. They use your insecurities as weapons.
Source: Unsplash Remember that thing you told them in confidence? They’ll bring it up when you least expect it, using your vulnerabilities to keep you in check. They know your weak spots, and they’re not afraid to exploit them when it comes in handy.
6. They make you feel crazy for having normal reactions.
When you get upset about their behaviour, they act like you’re overreacting. “Why are you so sensitive?” becomes their catchphrase. You start to wonder if maybe you are being unreasonable, even when your gut says otherwise.
7. They take credit for your achievements.
Got a promotion? It’s because they pushed you to do better. Finished a project? They were your inspiration. Somehow, your successes become all about them, leaving you feeling like you can’t accomplish anything on your own.
8. They make grand promises they never keep.
They’re full of big plans and promises for the future, but somehow, these never materialise. Yet, they keep you hooked with the possibility of what could be, leaving you always waiting for tomorrow.
9. They use guilt as a control tactic.
Any time you try to set a boundary or do something for yourself, they lay on the guilt thick. Suddenly, you’re the bad guy for having needs or wants outside of them. Emotional manipulation is their forte — they’re scarily good at it.
10. They give backhanded compliments.
Source: Unsplash “You look nice today. Finally making an effort?” Their compliments come with a sting, leaving you feeling both flattered and insulted. It’s a weird mix that keeps you off-balance and always striving for their approval.
11. They make you doubt your own perceptions.
“That’s not what happened.” “You’re remembering it wrong.” They constantly challenge your version of events, making you question your own experiences. It’s like they’re trying to edit your reality in real-time.
12. They use your compassion against you.
They spin tales of past traumas and hardships, tugging at your heartstrings. Your natural empathy kicks in, and you end up excusing their bad behaviour because “they’ve been through so much”. It’s a get-out-of-jail-free card they play often.
13. They move the goalposts constantly.
Just when you think you’ve figured out how to please them, they change the rules. Because the goal posts are constantly changing, there’s no way you can ever win — that’s how they set things up.
14. They use intermittent reinforcement.
They sprinkle in just enough kindness and affection to keep you hooked, but it’s unpredictable. You never know when the ‘nice’ version of them will show up, so you stick around, always hoping for another glimpse.
15. They make you feel responsible for their emotions.
“Look what you made me do!” becomes their battle cry. Suddenly, you’re responsible for their outbursts, their bad moods, their everything. It’s exhausting, but it keeps you focused on managing their feelings instead of your own.
16. They use your words against you.
That offhand comment you made weeks ago? They’ve stored it away to use as ammunition later. They twist your words, taking them out of context to prove their point or make you look bad.
17. They create a sense of scarcity.
They make you feel like you’re lucky to have them, that no one else would put up with you. This false sense of scarcity keeps you clinging to the relationship, afraid to lose the ‘best thing’ that’s ever happened to you.
18. They use financial control as a leash.
Whether it’s “forgetting” to pay you back or insisting on managing all the finances, they use money as a way to keep you dependent. It’s like they’re the bank, and you’re always in overdraft, relying on their goodwill to get by.
