If you’re single and active looking for a partner, you know just how dire the dating scene can be.
The old favourites like ghosting and love-bombing are still common behaviours, but it seems like every day, toxic people are coming up with more ways to mess others about. Banksying is the latest cruel dating trend where someone disappears from your life completely but leaves behind just enough digital traces to mess with your head and keep you guessing. Here’s how this one plays out.
1. They vanish without explanation, but stay visible online.
Unlike ghosting where someone disappears entirely, banksying involves cutting off all direct communication but staying as active as ever on social media, where you can see them living their best life. They stop responding to your messages but continue posting stories, liking other people’s content, and generally existing in your digital peripheral vision.
Their deliberate visibility is designed to let you know they’re fine and active, just not interested in talking to you anymore. It’s like they’ve put up a wall between you, but they’re careful to make sure you can still see over it, which creates a special kind of psychological torture.
2. The name comes from the mysterious street artist.
Just like Banksy creates art that everyone can see but remains completely anonymous and unreachable, this trend involves being present but untouchable. The person becomes like a piece of street art in your life: visible, intriguing, but impossible to actually interact with or understand.
The comparison is particularly apt because both situations involve someone controlling the narrative while remaining deliberately elusive. You can observe their work or their posts, but you can’t have a real conversation or get any actual answers about what’s happening.
3. They leave breadcrumbs but never respond.
Banksyers will watch your Instagram stories, like your old photos from months ago, or react to your posts with emojis, but they won’t reply to any direct messages or attempts at actual communication. These moves are designed to keep you hooked while still maintaining their distance.
These breadcrumbs create false hope that maybe they’re still interested or that there’s a chance for reconciliation, but they’re actually just ways of staying in control and keeping you emotionally invested. It’s attention without accountability, presence without participation.
4. It’s more psychologically damaging than regular ghosting.
Complete ghosting at least gives you clarity that the person is done with you, but banksying creates ongoing confusion and hope because you can see they’re still engaging with your content. Their partial presence makes it much harder to move on and accept that the relationship is over.
The constant mixed signals mess with your ability to process the rejection and move forward, keeping you stuck in a loop of checking their activity and overanalysing every small interaction. It’s emotional manipulation disguised as casual social media behaviour.
5. They post content that seems directed at you.
Banksyers often share cryptic posts, song lyrics, or quotes that feel like they’re meant for you to see, creating the illusion of communication without actually communicating. These posts keep you guessing about their feelings and intentions, but still keep up their unexplained distance.
Whether these posts are actually about you or just coincidental, they serve to keep you emotionally engaged and searching for hidden meanings in everything they share. It’s like receiving coded messages that might not even be messages at all.
6. They use mutual friends as information sources.
Rather than talking to you directly, banksyers will often pump mutual friends for information about what you’re doing, how you’re coping, or whether you’re dating anyone new. They keep up their interest in your life but refuse to be directly involved in it. It’s weird, to be honest.
This creates an uncomfortable dynamic where your friends become unwitting spies or messengers, and you might find yourself censoring what you share with mutual acquaintances because you know it might get back to them. Your social circle becomes a battlefield of indirect communication.
7. They time their posts strategically.
People who take part in this toxic dating trend are masters of timing, often posting particularly attention-grabbing content when they know you’re likely to be online or feeling vulnerable. They might share throwback photos during times that were important in your relationship, or post about being happy right after you’ve had a tough day.
Their strategic posting keeps you emotionally reactive and ensures that just when you’re starting to feel better or move on, something pops up to remind you of them. It’s psychological warfare disguised as casual social media activity.
8. They create fake emergencies or drama for attention.
Some banksyers will post about being unwell, having problems, or going through hard times specifically to get your attention and sympathy without having to directly ask for it. They know you still care and will use that caring against you to draw you back in.
These manufactured crises are designed to make you reach out and break your own boundaries about not contacting them, giving them the satisfaction of knowing they still have power over your emotions. It’s manipulation through manufactured vulnerability.
9. They monitor your activity obsessively.
Even though it happens from a distance, banksyers often become obsessive about tracking your online activity, checking who you’re following, what you’re posting, and whether you’re showing signs of moving on. They want to maintain control over the situation while seeming aloof and disinterested.
This surveillance behaviour shows that they’re just as invested in the dynamic as you are, but they’re unwilling to be honest about it. They want all the benefits of staying connected to your life without any of the responsibilities or vulnerability that comes with actual communication.
10. They block and unblock you repeatedly.
The classic banksy move involves blocking you during moments of high emotion or conflict, then unblocking you days or weeks later without explanation. That cycle of access and rejection keeps you constantly off-balance and unsure of where you stand.
Each unblocking feels like a potential olive branch or sign that they want to reconnect, but it’s usually just another way of maintaining control and keeping you emotionally available. It trains you to be grateful for basic access to someone who’s treating you poorly.
11. They appear in your suggested friends or recommended content.
Banksyers often manipulate social media algorithms by viewing your profiles regularly, which causes them to appear in your suggested friends, recommended content, or “people you may know” sections. Yes, this happens, and it creates the illusion of coincidental digital run-ins that keep them present in your mind.
These algorithm manipulations ensure that even when you’re trying to avoid thinking about them, they’ll pop up in unexpected places on your feeds. It’s like they’re haunting your digital spaces without technically doing anything wrong.
12. They date publicly to make you jealous.
One of the cruellest aspects of this trend involves making sure you can see them moving on with other people while they keep up those occasional small interactions with you. They’ll post photos with new romantic interests but continue to watch your stories or like your content.
Public dating serves multiple purposes: it shows you they’re over the relationship, makes you feel replaced and jealous, and demonstrates their desirability to boost their own ego. Meanwhile, the continued digital interaction suggests you’re still somehow special or different from their new relationships.
13. They refuse to discuss what’s happening.
If you manage to corner them about their behaviour or ask directly what’s going on, banksyers will either ignore the question completely or give vague, non-committal responses that explain nothing. They refuse to take responsibility for their actions or provide closure.
Refusing to engage with the reality of their behaviour is perhaps the most maddening aspect of banksying because it denies you the basic respect of honest communication. They want all the benefits of staying connected while avoiding any accountability for how their actions affect you.
14. The only way to stop it is a complete digital detox.
Breaking free from someone who does these things requires blocking them on all platforms, asking mutual friends not to share information about them, and resisting the urge to check up on their activity through fake accounts or friends’ phones. You have to cut off all digital pathways that allow them to mess with your head.
A complete digital separation is often harder than ending a normal relationship because it requires discipline and boundaries that feel extreme, but it’s the only way to stop the psychological manipulation and start actually healing. Banksying only works if they have access to your attention and emotional reactions.
