We’ve all been on the receiving end of comments that make us cringe internally, but chances are you’ve dished out your fair share of unwanted observations too.
You probably didn’t mean any harm by it. In fact, you likely even thought you were being helpful or supportive. Still, the person you’re talking to probably didn’t take them that way, and chances are, they wished you hadn’t said anything at all. Here are some of the things people don’t want to hear from anyone else, so you should probably keep them to yourself.
1. Commenting on someone’s weight loss or gain
Whether you’re telling someone they look skinny or that they’ve put on weight, you’re essentially announcing that you’ve been monitoring their body and felt compelled to share your findings. People are usually very aware of changes to their appearance, and your commentary isn’t the helpful observation you think it is.
Keep your thoughts about other people’s bodies to yourself unless they specifically ask for your opinion. If someone has clearly made an effort with their health, a simple “you look great” is enough without drawing attention to specific physical changes that might be sensitive topics.
2. Asking when they’re having kids
This question assumes everyone wants children, can have children, and should be on your timeline for major life decisions. You might be making conversation, but you could be touching on fertility struggles, financial stress, relationship issues, or simply personal choices that aren’t your business.
Replace this invasive question with genuine interest in their current life and happiness. If someone wants to share their family plans with you, they will, and your job is to be supportive of whatever they choose rather than pushing for updates.
3. Telling them they look tired
Unless someone has specifically mentioned being exhausted, pointing out that they look tired is just a socially acceptable way of telling them they look rough. You’re essentially criticising their appearance while pretending to show concern, and it’s not as caring as you think it sounds.
Focus on how someone seems rather than how they look, and offer genuine support if you’re actually worried. Ask how they’re feeling or if they need anything, rather than providing a running commentary on their facial expressions.
4. Suggesting they smile more
Telling someone to smile more implies that their natural expression isn’t pleasant enough for your comfort, and that they should perform happiness for your benefit. It’s particularly problematic when directed at women, but it’s annoying regardless of who receives it.
Accept that people’s faces belong to them, and they don’t owe you a particular expression. If you want to brighten someone’s day, try being genuinely funny or kind rather than demanding they rearrange their features for your viewing pleasure.
5. Comparing their relationship to yours
When you tell someone what works in your relationship or marriage, you’re implying that their approach is wrong and that they should follow your model. Every relationship is different, and what seems like helpful advice often comes across as smug superiority about your own situation.
Support friends by listening to their relationship concerns without immediately offering solutions based on your own experience. If they want advice, they’ll ask for it, and even then, acknowledge that what works for you might not work for them.
6. Mentioning how much something cost
Whether you’re bragging about a bargain or complaining about an expensive purchase, bringing up prices makes everyone uncomfortable and forces them to evaluate their own spending choices. You’re either making people feel bad about paying more or guilty about spending less than you did.
Keep cost discussions private unless someone specifically asks about prices because they’re considering a similar purchase. Your financial choices and spending habits aren’t conversation starters, and other people don’t need to know your budget decisions.
7. Pointing out they have something in their teeth
This seems helpful, but announcing dental debris in front of other people can be embarrassing and could have been handled more discreetly. You’re putting someone in an awkward position where they have to deal with a personal hygiene issue while other people are watching and judging.
Pull someone aside privately if you notice something like this, or simply hand them a mirror without explanation. Your discretion protects their dignity while still allowing them to fix the problem without public humiliation.
8. Telling them their ex was wrong for them
Even if their previous partner was genuinely awful, telling someone their ex wasn’t right for them implies that you knew better than they did about their own relationship. It’s retroactive judgement that doesn’t help anyone and might make them defensive about their past choices.
Avoid commenting on past relationships unless someone specifically asks for your perspective, and even then, focus on supporting their current happiness rather than criticising their previous decisions. Your job is to be supportive now, not to prove you were right about their dating choices.
9. Asking about their salary or job prospects
Questions about income, job hunting, or career progression put people in the uncomfortable position of either lying or sharing private financial information. You might think you’re showing interest in their life, but you’re actually asking them to justify their professional choices and financial situation.
Show interest in someone’s work by asking what they enjoy about their job or what projects they’re working on, rather than focusing on money or advancement. Career satisfaction isn’t just about salary, and your curiosity about their finances isn’t their problem to satisfy.
10. Commenting on what they’re eating
Whether you’re judging their healthy choices, questioning their dietary restrictions, or commenting on portion sizes, food policing makes mealtimes uncomfortable and suggests you think their eating habits need your oversight. People have complex relationships with food, and your observations aren’t helpful.
Mind your own plate and let others enjoy their food choices without commentary. If someone wants to discuss their diet with you, they’ll bring it up, but unsolicited nutrition advice or eating observations are unwelcome regardless of your intentions.
11. Telling them they’re lucky
When you tell someone they’re lucky about their job, relationship, house, or any other aspect of their life, you’re minimising their effort and attributing their success to chance rather than hard work. It’s particularly galling when you don’t know the struggles they’ve faced to get where they are.
Acknowledge people’s achievements and happiness without diminishing their role in creating those outcomes. Replace “you’re so lucky” with genuine compliments about their choices, efforts, or the positive things they’ve built in their life.
12. Asking why they don’t drink
This question puts people in the awkward position of either lying or sharing personal information about health issues, addiction recovery, medication, or simply personal preferences. You’re essentially demanding an explanation for their private choices while making them feel like the odd one out.
Accept that some people don’t drink without requiring justification, and make sure your social plans include options for non-drinkers. Someone’s relationship with alcohol isn’t your business, and they shouldn’t have to defend their choices to participate in social activities.
13. Mentioning they’ve been quiet
Pointing out that someone is being quiet suggests that their natural communication style isn’t meeting your expectations and that they should perform more extroversion for the group’s benefit. You’re essentially telling them that their presence isn’t enough, and they need to contribute more to earn their place.
Accept different communication styles and engage with quieter people individually rather than putting them on the spot in group settings. Some people process conversations differently, and your job is to include them, not to force them to match your energy level.
14. Giving parenting advice without being asked
Unless someone specifically requests your input about their children, your parenting suggestions imply that they’re not handling things properly and need your guidance. Even well-meaning advice can feel like criticism when parents are already doing their best in challenging situations.
Support parents by offering practical help rather than advice, and trust that they know their children better than you do. If you want to be helpful, ask what they need rather than telling them what they should do differently with their kids.
