Ever wondered why some friendships just… fizzle out, seemingly for no reason?
While there could be many different explanations, the way you communicate plays a huge role. I’m not talking about major blowouts here, but those subtle conversational habits that can slowly destroy your connection. It’s like death by a thousand paper cuts. Luckily, becoming aware of these pitfalls is the first step towards having more meaningful and lasting friendships.
1. You constantly interrupt or talk over people.
I get it — you’re excited and have things to say. But talking over someone mid-sentence sends the message that you don’t value their thoughts or opinions, and it leaves them feeling unheard and frustrated. Take a breath, do a bit more listening, and let them finish their thought before chiming in.
2. You always make the conversation about yourself.
It’s okay to share your experiences and stories, but if every conversation turns into a monologue about your life, people will start tuning out. Ask questions, show genuine interest in their lives, and let the conversation flow naturally. Remember, friendships are a two-way street, and it’s important to give as much as you take.
3. You’re always negative or complaining.
Nobody wants to be around a constant Debbie Downer. If you’re always focusing on the negative, complaining about your problems, or criticising people, it can be a real drain on your friends. Try to find the positive in situations, offer solutions instead of just complaints, and be a source of support and encouragement for your friends.
4. You offer unsolicited advice or judgment.
Even if you have the best intentions, giving advice when it hasn’t been asked for can come across as condescending and judgemental. Instead of jumping in with solutions, try listening and empathising with your friend’s situation. If they do ask for your advice, offer it gently and respectfully, without making them feel like they’re doing something wrong.
5. You don’t respect boundaries or personal space.
Everyone has different comfort levels when it comes to personal space and sharing information. If a friend seems uncomfortable with a certain topic or doesn’t want to talk about something, respect their boundaries. Don’t push them to share more than they’re willing to, and don’t overstep their personal space. It’s about respecting their autonomy and making them feel safe and comfortable in your presence.
6. You gossip or talk behind people’s backs.
Gossiping might seem like a harmless way to bond, but it can quickly destroy trust and damage relationships. If you’re constantly talking about other people behind their backs, your friends might start to wonder what you say about them when they’re not around. Focus on building people up, not tearing them down.
7. You’re always trying to “one-up” people or compete with them.
Source: Unsplash If a friend shares a success or accomplishment, be genuinely happy for them, instead of trying to one-up them with your own story. True friends celebrate each other’s wins, not try to outshine them. Remember, life isn’t a competition, and it’s okay for your friends to have their moment in the sun.
8. You’re flaky or unreliable.
Source: Unsplash Cancelling plans at the last minute, showing up late, or forgetting important dates and events can make you seem unreliable and inconsiderate. It sends the message that you don’t value your friends’ time or company. Make an effort to be punctual, keep your commitments, and show up for your friends when they need you. Consistency and reliability are key ingredients in any healthy friendship.
9. You dismiss or invalidate their feelings.
When a friend shares something that’s bothering them, don’t try to minimise their feelings or tell them they’re overreacting. Even if you don’t understand their perspective, validate their emotions and let them know that you hear them. A simple “That sounds really tough” or “I’m here for you if you want to talk more” can go a long way in showing your support and understanding.
10. You bring up sensitive topics at inappropriate times.
Source: Unsplash Timing is everything. If a friend is going through a tough time, it’s probably not the best moment to bring up a sensitive topic that could trigger them or make them feel worse. Be mindful of their emotional state and choose your conversations wisely. Save the heavier topics for a time when they’re feeling more grounded and able to handle them.
11. You make jokes at their expense or put them down.
Even if you think you’re just being playful, making jokes that hurt your friend’s feelings or put them down can create resentment and damage your relationship. It’s important to be mindful of your words and avoid saying anything that could be hurtful or insulting. If you do accidentally offend them, apologise sincerely and make an effort to be more sensitive in the future.
12. You’re always trying to fix their problems instead of listening.
Sometimes, people just need to vent and have their feelings heard. Don’t jump in with solutions or try to fix their problems for them. Instead, offer a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on. Let them know that you’re there for them and that you care about their well-being. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is simply be present and offer your support.
13. You don’t offer any emotional support or empathy.
Friendships are built on mutual support and understanding. If you’re not showing empathy or offering emotional support when your friend is going through a tough time, it can make them feel isolated and alone. Take the time to listen to their problems, offer words of encouragement, and let them know that you care. A little bit of empathy can go a long way in strengthening your bond.
14. You’re always late or cancelling plans.
Constantly being late or cancelling plans can make your friends feel like you don’t value their time or company. It’s important to be respectful of their schedules and make an effort to show up on time and follow through on your commitments. If you do need to cancel, do so as early as possible and offer a sincere apology. Your friends will appreciate your consideration and respect.
15. You’re not present when you’re with them.
If you’re constantly checking your phone, scrolling through social media, or otherwise distracted when you’re with your friends, it can make them feel like you’re not really there with them. It’s important to be present and engaged in the moment, put away your phone, and give them your full attention. Show them that you value their company and enjoy spending time with them.
16. You don’t celebrate their successes or milestones.
Friendships are about celebrating each other’s wins, big and small. If you’re not acknowledging your friend’s achievements or milestones, it can make them feel like you don’t care about their happiness or success. Take the time to congratulate them, offer words of encouragement, and show your genuine excitement for them. A little bit of celebration can go a long way in strengthening your bond and making your friend feel valued and appreciated.
17. You don’t apologise when you’re wrong.
Everyone makes mistakes, but it’s important to own up to them and apologise when you’ve hurt someone’s feelings. If you refuse to acknowledge your wrongdoing or apologise for your actions, it can create resentment and damage your relationship. Be humble enough to admit when you’re wrong, and make an effort to repair the damage you’ve caused. A sincere apology can go a long way in rebuilding trust and restoring your friendship.
