Having a self-centred friend can feel like being stuck in a one-sided conversation that never ends.
Everything somehow circles back to them, whether it’s their problems, their wins, or their plans, while your life fades into the background. You leave hangouts feeling unseen and emotionally drained, wondering why you keep showing up for someone who rarely does the same for you.
Dealing with friends like this isn’t about cutting them off immediately, but about setting boundaries that protect your energy. Once you stop feeding their constant need for attention, you start to see the friendship for what it really is. The balance shifts when you stop trying to please them and start prioritising yourself again.
1. Recognise the different types of self-centredness.
Not all self-centred people are alike. Are they oblivious, constantly unaware of how their actions affect other people? Do they brag to feel superior? Or do they use your friendship mainly as a sounding board for their problems? Understanding their flavour of self-involvement helps you tailor your approach.
2. Assess the friendship: Are there redeeming qualities?
Before jumping ship, take an honest look at the big picture. Are they always self-absorbed, or just sometimes? Despite their flaws, do they also bring fun, loyalty, or other positive qualities to the friendship? Can you live with the bad if the good outweighs it?
3. Set realistic expectations for the friendship.
If you decide to keep the friendship, adjust your expectations accordingly. Don’t expect deep heart-to-hearts or for them to always be there for you emotionally. View them as more of a fun, light-hearted companion, and save the heavier stuff for friends who are naturally more empathetic.
4. Establish healthy boundaries with kindness.
You don’t have to cater to their every whim or let their constant need for attention drain you. Learn to politely decline spending time together when you need to recharge, steer conversations in a more balanced direction, or gracefully cut them off when they start a monologue that goes on and on.
5. Try gentle, direct communication (if their self-centredness is more oblivious than malicious).
If they seem genuinely unaware of their impact, try a tactful, “Hey, I feel like sometimes our conversations end up being a lot about you, and I’d love to hear more about what’s going on in your life too.” This opens the door without confrontation, and their reaction will tell you if change is possible.
6. Focus on your own life and self-care.
Don’t let their constant need for validation diminish your own shine. Invest in hobbies, cultivate other friendships, and put yourself first. The more fulfilled you feel outside of the friendship, the less their self-centred behaviour will bother you.
7. Embrace humour to deflect their attention-seeking behaviour.
A little playful teasing (delivered kindly) can sometimes work wonders. If they’re bragging to make themselves feel superior, a light-hearted, “Wow, someone’s feeling themselves today!” can defuse the situation without escalating it into a conflict.
8. Don’t take their behaviour personally (easier said than done!).
Remember, their self-centredness is about them, not you. The less you engage emotionally, the easier it becomes to see their actions almost as a quirk rather than a deliberate act of unkindness. Detaching a bit helps preserve your sanity.
9. Don’t always be available to meet their needs.
Resist the urge to drop everything whenever they want a listening ear or last-minute company. Being selectively unavailable teaches them that your time is valuable, and encourages them to seek support elsewhere sometimes. You’re no one’s personal therapist, and they shouldn’t be using you as one.
10. Don’t compete or try to one-up them with your own stories.
Trying to fight for the spotlight only fuels their need for constant attention. Let them have their “moment of glory”, and gently redirect the conversation when you’re ready for a change of topic. Refusing to play their game often diffuses their need to dominate.
11. Focus your energy on more mutually supportive friendships.
Don’t pour all your emotional resources into a one-sided friendship. Surround yourself with people who genuinely reciprocate care and support. The contrast will highlight the imbalance in your self-centred friend’s behaviour, giving you clarity on whether this friendship is worth salvaging.
12. Have a frank conversation if their behaviour starts truly hurting you.
If gentle nudges don’t work, and their selfishness is having a negative impact on your self-esteem, it’s time for a serious chat. Be specific about which actions are hurtful, and clearly state how their behaviour makes you feel. A true friend (even a slightly oblivious one) will care about the impact they have on you, and hopefully try to be more considerate.
13. Know when to distance yourself for the sake of your own well-being.
If you’ve tried communicating, setting boundaries, and nothing improves, it’s okay to let the friendship fade. It’s hard, but sometimes it’s the only way to protect yourself from a constant emotional drain. You’re better off walking away from relationships that don’t serve you in any way.
14. Be honest with yourself: Is this truly a friendship or something more toxic?
Are they occasionally self-absorbed, or are their actions consistently hurtful, dismissive, or manipulative? The line between a slightly flawed friend and someone truly toxic can be blurry. Be ruthless about prioritising your mental and emotional health. If the relationship is doing more harm than good, it’s time to walk away.
