Forget all the old “men are from Mars, women are from Venus” nonsense — human beings are a little more complex than that.
Nevertheless, there are some things women actually don’t understand about men and how they operate, and that can cause serious problems in a relationship, particularly a marriage. If you want to get a bit more insight into the workings of your husband’s mind, here are a few ways to do just that. You might be surprised at how much your marriage improves!
1. Listen to him without interrupting or jumping to conclusions.
Source: Unsplash When your husband is talking, give him your full attention. It’s easy to start thinking about what you want to say next, or to assume you know where he’s going with a story. But if you really listen, you might be surprised by what you learn. Let him finish his thoughts before you respond.
2. Ask open-ended questions about his thoughts and feelings.
Instead of asking questions that can be answered with a simple yes or no, try asking questions that encourage him to open up. For example, rather than “Did you have a good day?” try, “What was the best part of your day?”. This gives him the opportunity to share more about his experiences and emotions. Be genuinely curious about what he has to say and follow up with more questions to show you’re interested.
3. Pay attention to his non-verbal cues and body language.
Sometimes, what your husband doesn’t say can be just as important as what he does say. Notice his facial expressions, posture, and tone of voice. Does he tense up when talking about work? Does his face light up when he mentions a particular friend or hobby? These non-verbal cues can give you insights into his feelings that he might not express in words. Just be careful not to jump to conclusions based on body language alone — if you’re unsure, it’s always best to ask.
4. Try to see things from his perspective, even when you disagree.
When you and your husband have different views on something, make an effort to understand where he’s coming from. This doesn’t mean you have to agree with him, but try to put yourself in his shoes. What experiences or beliefs might be shaping his opinion? Understanding his perspective can help you have more productive conversations and find common ground, even in disagreements.
5. Show interest in his hobbies and passions, even if you don’t share them.
Your husband’s interests are part of who he is. Even if you don’t share his enthusiasm for football or fishing, showing genuine interest can help you understand him better. Ask him to explain why he enjoys these activities. You might learn something new about him, and he’ll appreciate your effort to engage with his passions. Who knows, you might even find a new shared interest along the way!
6. Be patient when he’s struggling to express his emotions.
Many men find it challenging to talk about their feelings. If your husband is trying to open up but struggling to find the right words, give him time. Don’t rush to fill the silence or finish his sentences for him. Your patience can create a safe space for him to express himself, which can lead to deeper understanding and connection between you both.
7. Respect his need for alone time or space when he asks for it.
Sometimes, understanding your husband means giving him space when he needs it. If he says he needs some time alone, try not to take it personally. Everyone needs time to recharge sometimes. Respecting his need for space shows that you understand and care about his well-being. Often, he’ll come back from this time alone feeling refreshed and more ready to connect.
8. Learn about his love language and how he prefers to give and receive affection.
People express and receive love in different ways. Some value words of affirmation, while others prefer acts of service or physical touch. Take the time to understand how your husband expresses love and what makes him feel loved. This can help you recognise his efforts to show affection, even if they’re different from how you would show it. It can also help you express your love in ways that resonate with him.
9. Discuss your individual goals and dreams for the future.
Understanding your husband isn’t just about the present — it’s also about where he sees himself in the future. Talk about your individual goals and dreams. What does he hope to achieve in his career? Are there places he’d love to travel? Understanding his aspirations can give you insight into what motivates him and what he values. It can also help you support each other’s growth and find ways to align your future plans.
10. Be open and honest about your own thoughts and feelings, too.
Understanding is a two-way street. While you’re trying to understand your husband better, make sure you’re also sharing your own thoughts and feelings openly and honestly. This creates an atmosphere of mutual trust and encourages him to be more open with you as well. Remember, the goal is to understand each other better, not just for you to understand him.
11. Acknowledge and appreciate the efforts he makes, both big and small.
Recognition goes a long way in any relationship. When your husband does something thoughtful or makes an effort to improve your relationship, acknowledge it. This could be as simple as thanking him for doing the dishes or telling him how much you appreciate his support during a tough time. Acknowledging the effort he puts in shows that you notice and value it, which can encourage more positive behaviour and deepen your understanding of each other.
12. Try to understand the root cause of his reactions or behaviours.
When your husband reacts strongly to something, try to look beyond the surface. Is his anger about a small incident really about stress at work? Is his withdrawal linked to a past experience? Understanding the root causes of his reactions can help you respond more empathetically and address underlying issues. Just be careful not to make assumptions — always check with him if you’re unsure about what’s really going on.
13. Share experiences and create new memories together.
Shared experiences can bring you closer and help you understand each other better. Try new activities together, travel to new places, or even just cook a meal together. These shared experiences give you a chance to see different sides of each other and create common ground for discussions. Plus, creating new memories together can strengthen your bond and give you a deeper understanding of each other’s likes, dislikes, and reactions to new situations.
14. Be willing to have difficult conversations without becoming defensive.
Understanding your husband sometimes means having tough conversations. When issues arise, try to approach them with an open mind. Listen to his concerns without immediately becoming defensive. It’s not about winning an argument, but about understanding each other’s perspectives and finding solutions together. These challenging conversations, when handled with care and respect, can lead to greater understanding and a stronger relationship.
15. Respect his relationships with friends and family.
Your husband’s relationships with his friends and family have shaped who he is. Try to understand and respect these relationships, even if you don’t always get along with everyone. Pay attention to how he interacts with different people in his life. This can give you insights into different aspects of his personality and help you understand his background and values better. Support his efforts to maintain these important relationships.
16. Be patient with his quirks and habits, even the ones that annoy you.
Everyone has quirks and habits that can be annoying to other people. Instead of just getting frustrated, try to understand why your husband does certain things. Is his need for everything to be tidy linked to anxiety? Does he leave his socks on the floor because that’s how things were in his childhood home? Understanding the reasons behind his habits can help you be more patient and may even lead to constructive conversations about compromises.
17. Take an interest in his work life and career aspirations.
For many people, work is a significant part of their identity. Show genuine interest in your husband’s work life. Ask about his projects, his colleagues, and his career goals. Understanding his work life can give you insights into his stresses, achievements, and what drives him. It can also help you provide better support during challenging times at work and celebrate his successes more meaningfully.
18. Remember that understanding is an ongoing process, not a one-time achievement.
Lastly, keep in mind that truly understanding your husband is not something you achieve once and for all. People grow and change over time, and so does your relationship. Stay curious about your husband, always be open to learning new things about him, and be willing to adapt your understanding as both of you evolve. This ongoing effort to understand each other can keep your relationship fresh and strong, no matter how long you’ve been together.
