Getting over someone you care about is one of those miserable life experiences that everyone goes through, but nobody really teaches you how to handle properly.
Whether it’s unrequited love, the end of a relationship, or just needing to move on from someone who’s not good for you, there are actual strategies that work better than just hoping time will magically heal everything. If you want to start processing what you’re going through and moving on from it, here’s how to make it happen.
1. Stop consuming content about them completely.
This means unfollowing them on all social media, not checking their profiles, avoiding mutual friends’ posts that might feature them, and basically creating a digital blackout around their existence. Every time you see them looking happy or living their life without you, it resets your healing progress.
You don’t have to block them dramatically or make a big show of it, just get on with it and remove them from your feeds to help resist the urge to check up on them. Out of sight really does help with out of mind, but only if you’re disciplined about not seeking them out.
2. Get rid of physical reminders and sentimental items.
Box up photos, gifts, clothes they left behind, or anything else that triggers memories of them and put it all somewhere you won’t accidentally encounter it. You don’t have to throw everything away if that feels too dramatic, but it needs to be out of your daily environment.
That hoodie that still smells like them or the mug they always used for coffee might seem like harmless keepsakes, but they’re actually keeping you emotionally attached to someone you’re trying to get over. Physical spaces need to reflect your new reality.
3. Stop talking about them to friends and family.
Constantly discussing your feelings, analysing their behaviour, or rehashing your relationship keeps them mentally present in your life even when they’re physically absent. Every conversation about them reinforces the neural pathways that connect to your feelings for them.
Ask your friends to help by not bringing them up in conversation, and redirect yourself when you feel the urge to talk about them. Focus conversations on other topics, your own life, or literally anything else that doesn’t keep them at the centre of your thoughts.
4. Fill the time you used to spend with them.
Empty time is dangerous when you’re trying to get over someone because it gives your mind space to wander back to memories and fantasies about them. Plan activities, pick up new hobbies, or reconnect with interests you might have neglected during the relationship.
You’re not really staying busy to avoid feelings. Instead, you’re creating new experiences and memories that don’t involve them. Your brain needs new material to work with instead of constantly recycling the same emotional content about this person.
5. Practise actively thinking about their negative qualities.
This might feel mean, but deliberately remembering the things that annoyed you about them or the ways you weren’t compatible helps balance out the tendency to idealise someone after they’re gone. Make a mental list of their flaws and refer to it when you catch yourself romanticising them.
You’re not trying to hate them, just trying to see them realistically rather than through the rose-coloured glasses that often come with missing someone. Remember the arguments, the incompatibilities, and the reasons things didn’t work out.
6. Develop a new routine that doesn’t include them.
If you used to do certain things together or had routines that involved them, you need to create new patterns that don’t leave space for their absence to be obvious. Change your route to work if you used to pass their house, find new places to eat if you had favourite restaurants together.
New routines help your brain adapt to life without them and prevent you from constantly being reminded of their absence. It’s like retraining yourself to live in a world where they’re not a factor in your daily decisions.
7. Start dating other people when you’re ready.
You don’t need to jump into anything serious, but meeting new people helps you remember that there are other options out there and that your feelings for this person aren’t unique or irreplaceable. Other people can be just as interesting, attractive, or compatible.
That doesn’t mean using other people to make yourself feel better, but rather allowing yourself to be open to new connections that might help you realise what you were missing with the person you’re trying to get over.
8. Challenge the stories you tell yourself about them.
We often create narratives about why someone was perfect for us or why the relationship was special, but these stories usually ignore important information that doesn’t fit the romantic narrative. Question whether they were really as perfect as you remember, or whether you’re editing out the problems.
Ask yourself if you’re in love with the actual person or with your idea of what they could have been. Often we get attached to potential rather than reality, which makes it harder to let go because we’re mourning something that never actually existed.
9. Focus on your own goals and personal development.
Channel the energy you were putting into thinking about them into working on yourself and your own life goals. Take classes, work on fitness, focus on career advancement, or tackle personal projects you’ve been putting off. This serves two purposes: it gives you something positive to focus on instead of dwelling on them, and it helps you become a more complete, interesting person who’s less likely to get overly attached to other people in the future.
10. Accept that healing isn’t linear.
Some days you’ll feel completely over them and other days you’ll miss them intensely, and both reactions are normal parts of the process. Don’t panic when you have setbacks or interpret bad days as evidence that you’re not making progress. Healing from feelings happens in waves rather than a straight line, so expect ups and downs rather than steady improvement. The overall trend should be toward caring less, but individual days might feel like you’re going backwards.
11. Practise mindfulness when thoughts of them crop up.
When you catch yourself thinking about them, acknowledge the thought without judgement, and then deliberately redirect your attention to something else. Don’t fight the thoughts aggressively, just notice them and choose not to engage with them.
It takes practice, but as time goes on, you can train your brain to spend less time on thoughts about them. The goal isn’t to never think about them, but to not get stuck in long mental spirals about what could have been or what they’re doing now.
12. Reconnect with your identity outside the relationship.
Remember who you were before you knew them and start rebuilding that sense of self. Reconnect with old friends, revisit interests you had before the relationship, and focus on aspects of your personality that existed independently of them. Sometimes we lose ourselves a bit when we’re deeply involved with someone, and getting over them requires rediscovering your own identity and interests. This process often reveals that you’re more complete on your own than you realised.
13. Set a deadline for wallowing.
Give yourself a specific amount of time to feel sorry for yourself and miss them, but set a firm deadline, after which you’ll actively work on moving forward. This might be a few weeks or a few months, depending on the situation, but having an endpoint helps prevent indefinite moping.
After your wallowing deadline, you need to take active steps to move on, rather than just hoping you’ll naturally feel better. Sometimes you have to choose to get over someone rather than waiting for it to happen naturally.
14. Consider professional help if you’re really stuck.
If you’ve tried these strategies, and you’re still completely consumed by feelings for someone months later, or if these feelings are interfering with your ability to function normally, talking to a therapist can help you understand why you’re having trouble letting go.
Sometimes difficulty getting over someone reveals deeper issues with attachment, self-worth, or relationship patterns that benefit from professional insight. There’s no shame in getting help to move past feelings that are keeping you stuck and unhappy.
