Pub staff have a memory like an elephant for the people who make their shift a misery, and it’s rarely about the occasional accidental spill.
It’s the small, repetitive things, like waving a fiver in someone’s face while they’re clearly mid-pour, or leaving a soggy pile of napkins inside an empty glass, that mark you out as someone who’s never worked a day behind a bar. When the place is rammed and the staff are flat out, the last thing they need is someone treats the bar top like their own personal dumping ground or expects the team to be their personal waitstaff for every round of crisps.
1. You don’t know your order when you reach the bar.
Standing at the bar umming and ahhing while staff wait for you to decide wastes everyone’s time, especially when there’s a queue behind you. You’ve had the entire time you were waiting to figure out what you want. Step back and let someone else go while you make up your mind, then return when you’re ready. Bar staff appreciate customers who arrive prepared, particularly during busy periods when every second counts.
2. You wave money or click your fingers to get attention.
Treating bar staff like servants by clicking, whistling, or waving cash around is guaranteed to push you to the back of the mental queue. They can see you, and they’ll get to you when it’s your turn. Make eye contact, stand where you’re visible, and wait patiently instead of acting like you’re summoning a waiter in a period drama. Pub staff notice polite customers first and somehow manage to overlook the rude ones for quite a while.
3. You’re on your phone when you’re trying to order.
Attempting to order while having a conversation on your mobile is disrespectful and slows everything down because staff have to repeat themselves as you half-listen. Finish your call before you approach the bar, or step aside and come back when you’re done. Giving bar staff your full attention means they can serve you quickly and correctly, and you won’t need to complain later that your order was wrong when you weren’t actually paying attention.
4. You order complicated rounds one drink at a time.
Placing an order for eight different drinks by asking for one, waiting for it to be made, then asking for the next one turns a two-minute transaction into ten minutes of frustration. Tell staff the entire order upfront so they can work efficiently, making all the pints first, then cocktails, then bottled drinks in whatever sequence makes sense. This helps them serve you faster and prevents them from having to keep the card machine open while you slowly remember what everyone wanted.
5. You don’t understand how queuing at the bar works.
British pubs don’t have orderly lines at the bar, but there’s definitely an unspoken queue system based on who arrived first. Bar staff track this and will skip you if you’re pushing in. Wait your turn, don’t lean over people already being served, and accept that the person who got there before you goes first, even if you’re standing closer. Trying to jump the queue just marks you as someone who doesn’t understand basic pub etiquette.
6. You leave your table looking like a bomb site.
Stacking up mountains of empty glasses, leaving food smeared across tables, and dumping rubbish everywhere creates extra work for staff who are already stretched thin. You don’t need to bus your own table, but don’t make the clean-up job deliberately harder by being a slob. Put your empties at the edge of the table where they’re easy to collect, use napkins instead of the table as a plate, and bin your crisp packets instead of leaving them scattered about.
7. You try to order five minutes after last orders.
When staff call last orders, that means last orders, not “last orders for everyone except you who’ll rock up 10 minutes later expecting full service.” They’ve announced it clearly, turned the lights up, and started clearing up. Respect their finish time instead of acting like you’re special enough to ignore the rules. Arriving at 11:05pm and demanding to be served when last orders were at 11 p.m. makes you exactly the customer they complain about in the group chat.
8. You ask “is that the cheapest?” about every suggestion.
Questioning the price of everything and demanding the absolute cheapest option available while staff are trying to serve a packed bar makes you look tight and wastes time. If budget is your concern, check the price list on the wall before ordering, or order a basic drink instead of something craft or premium. Bar staff aren’t trying to rip you off by suggesting something, and treating every recommendation like a scam is insulting when they’re just trying to help.
9. You let your kids run riot through the pub.
Pubs that allow children expect parents to supervise them, not use the space as free childcare as kids tear around tripping up staff carrying hot food and glassware. Your children screaming, climbing on furniture, or bothering other customers isn’t cute, it’s dangerous and disruptive. Either keep them at your table with activities to occupy them, or choose a family-specific venue where chaos is expected. Staff shouldn’t have to parent your children because you’ve decided to ignore them.
10. You camp at a table for hours nursing one drink.
Taking up a four-person table for three hours while you slowly sip a single pint during peak times means paying customers can’t find seats. Pubs are businesses that need turnover, especially at weekends when space is limited. If you want to sit for ages, order more drinks or food periodically to justify holding the table. Staff notice groups squatting on prime real estate while spending nothing, and you’re making actual paying customers leave because there’s nowhere to sit.
11. You complain loudly about prices as though staff set them.
Moaning about how much a pint costs as you’re paying for it doesn’t change the price, it just makes bar staff feel awkward about something they have zero control over. They didn’t decide the pricing structure, and they can’t offer you a discount. If you think it’s too expensive, drink somewhere cheaper, instead of making your disapproval everyone else’s problem. Staff hear this complaint 50 times a shift, and your comments won’t make the slightest difference.
12. You demand things that aren’t on the menu.
Asking for elaborate off-menu cocktails, food modifications that require completely different ingredients, or drinks the pub obviously doesn’t stock puts staff in the impossible position of disappointing you. If it’s not listed, they probably can’t make it. Order what’s available or politely ask if something’s possible rather than demanding staff create magic from thin air. Treating the menu as mere suggestions rather than what’s actually available creates unnecessary stress for kitchen and bar staff.
13. You’re visibly too drunk but expect more service.
Staff have legal obligations not to serve people who are clearly intoxicated, so getting aggressive when you’re refused doesn’t change anything except making you look worse. If you’re slurring, stumbling, or unable to follow basic conversation, you’re done for the night. Accept it gracefully, drink some water, and come back another time when you can handle your alcohol. Fighting with staff over their refusal to serve you just proves they made the right call.
14. You don’t leave any space for staff to collect glasses.
Hemming in tables completely so staff can’t reach past you to clear empties means glasses pile up, tables get sticky, and the pub looks messy because you’ve created a human barrier. Shift your chair slightly when you see someone trying to collect, or hand them your empties if they’re struggling to reach. This tiny courtesy makes their job massively easier and keeps the pub pleasant for everyone instead of turning into a glass graveyard.
15. You argue about perfectly reasonable house rules.
Every pub has policies about things like no food from outside, no moving furniture, or no reserving tables, and these exist for good operational reasons. Demanding exceptions because you think rules shouldn’t apply to you creates conflict staff don’t need. If you can’t follow simple house rules, choose a different pub that operates how you prefer. Staff enforce policies because they have to, and giving them grief about it just makes you the difficult customer they’ll remember next time you walk in.
