We’ve all been on the receiving end of an apology that feels about as sincere as a politician’s campaign promise.
These non-apologies are the verbal equivalent of a shrug, revealing more about the speaker’s lack of empathy than any genuine remorse. Here are some of the things you’re likely to hear when someone really isn’t sorry at all.
1. “I’m sorry you feel that way.”
This gem shifts the blame to the other person’s emotions, rather than acknowledging any wrongdoing. It’s like saying, “Your feelings are the problem, not my actions.” This non-apology often leaves the recipient feeling even more frustrated and invalidated.
2. “I’m sorry if I offended you.”
The “if” is doing a lot of heavy lifting here. This phrase suggests that the offence is merely a possibility, not a reality. It’s a way of dodging responsibility while appearing to address the issue. It often comes across as dismissive and insincere.
3. “Mistakes were made.”
Ah, the passive voice – a politician’s best friend and a true apology’s worst enemy. This vague statement acknowledges that something went wrong, but conveniently leaves out who’s responsible. It’s an attempt to acknowledge a problem without taking any personal accountability.
4. “I’m sorry you misunderstood.”
This backhanded apology places the blame squarely on the other person’s comprehension skills. It implies that the problem lies in their interpretation, not in the speaker’s words or actions. This phrase often escalates conflicts rather than resolving them.
5. “I’ve said I’m sorry, what more do you want?”
This defensive response shows more frustration with being called out than actual remorse. It treats an apology like a magic word that should instantly resolve all issues, regardless of the hurt caused. This phrase often reveals a lack of understanding about the impact of one’s actions.
6. “I’m sorry, but…”
Anything that comes after “but” usually negates the apology that came before it. This phrase is often followed by an excuse or justification, which undermines any sincerity in the initial apology. It’s a way of acknowledging wrongdoing while simultaneously trying to escape responsibility.
7. “I was just joking.”
This classic deflection attempts to invalidate the other person’s hurt feelings by framing the offensive behaviour as humour. It puts the onus on the injured party to “lighten up” rather than addressing the harmful impact of the “joke.” This non-apology often reveals a lack of empathy and an unwillingness to take responsibility for one’s words.
8. “I’m sorry you’re so sensitive.”
This is less an apology and more an insult wrapped in polite language. It suggests that the problem lies with the other person’s emotional response, not with the apologiser’s actions. This phrase often leaves the recipient feeling even more hurt and misunderstood.
9. “Let’s just move on.”
While not framed as an apology, this phrase is often used in lieu of one. It’s an attempt to sweep issues under the rug without addressing them. This approach often leads to unresolved feelings and recurring problems, as the root issue is never actually addressed.
10. “I’m sorry you feel the need for an apology.”
This convoluted non-apology manages to sound conciliatory while actually criticising the other person for wanting an apology. It’s a masterclass in passive-aggressiveness, acknowledging the desire for an apology while refusing to give one.
11. “I’ve apologised a million times already.”
This exaggeration is often used to deflect from the current situation and paint the apologiser as the victim of unreasonable demands. It ignores the fact that repetitive apologies without changed behaviour are meaningless. This phrase often reveals a lack of understanding about the depth of hurt caused.
12. “I’m sorry you remembered it that way.”
This non-apology questions the other person’s recollection of events rather than addressing the issue at hand. It’s a subtle way of calling someone’s memory or perception into question, rather than taking responsibility for one’s actions. This approach often leads to further conflict, as it invalidates the other person’s experience.
13. “I’m sorry, are you happy now?”
This sarcastic response reveals more annoyance at having to apologise than actual remorse. It treats the apology as a chore to be completed rather than a genuine expression of regret. This phrase often leaves the recipient feeling even more hurt and unheard.
14. “I guess I’m just a terrible person then.”
This dramatic overstatement is a form of emotional manipulation. It attempts to make the other person feel guilty for pointing out wrongdoing and often derails the conversation from the actual issue at hand. This self-pitying response reveals more concern for one’s own feelings than for the person who was hurt.
15. “Fine, I’m sorry. Is that what you wanted to hear?”
This begrudging “apology” is more about appeasing the other person than expressing genuine remorse. It treats the apology as a performative act rather than a heartfelt expression. This phrase often leaves both parties feeling frustrated and unresolved.
