There’s a new dating trend doing the rounds called “shrekking,” and yes, it’s exactly what it sounds like. While it might seem like a bit of harmless fun and just another dating fad that will come and go like the rest, relationship experts are raising serious concerns about what it says about modern dating culture and emotional honesty.
It’s deliberately misleading from the very start.
Shrekking is when someone presents themselves as way less attractive or interesting than they actually are at the beginning, then gradually reveals their true self once they’ve got someone hooked emotionally. The whole thing is built on deception from day one, and experts reckon starting any relationship with intentional dishonesty sets a terrible foundation that’s almost impossible to recover from down the line.
It manipulates someone’s emotional investment.
By the time you show your real self, the other person’s already invested time and feelings into who they thought you were, making them more likely to stick around even if they’re not actually compatible. Relationship experts say this emotional manipulation creates an uneven power dynamic where one person’s been playing a calculated game while the other’s been genuinely trying to connect with someone they thought was being authentic.
It treats dating like a strategic game instead of genuine connection.
The whole concept reduces relationships to tactics and moves rather than two people honestly getting to know each other, and that cynical approach poisons the possibility of building something real. Experts worry it reflects a broader cultural change, where people are more focused on winning at dating than actually finding someone they connect with authentically and deeply.
It preys on people’s kindness and willingness to see the best in other people.
Shrekking works because decent people give others the benefit of the doubt and look past surface-level stuff, but using that generosity as a manipulation tactic is genuinely cruel. Relationship therapists point out that exploiting someone’s capacity for empathy and acceptance just to secure their interest creates trust issues that can affect how they approach dating for years afterwards.
The person being shrekked feels foolish when they realise what happened
Finding out someone deliberately presented themselves as less than they are makes you question your own judgement and feel embarrassed that you fell for a calculated strategy rather than connecting with a real person. That sense of being played damages self-esteem and makes people more guarded in future relationships, which experts say creates a ripple effect that harms the entire dating landscape.
It assumes people are too shallow to appreciate authenticity.
The whole premise relies on believing that if you showed up as yourself from the start, nobody would give you a chance, which is a depressing and often inaccurate view of human connection. Experts argue this mindset becomes self-fulfilling. Basically, if you don’t believe people will like the real you, you’ll never give them the chance to prove otherwise, and you end up in relationships built on false pretences.
There’s no clear endpoint for when to stop pretending.
Once you’ve started shrekking, when exactly are you supposed to reveal your true self, and how do you explain why you’ve been lying about who you are this whole time without looking manipulative. Relationship experts say this creates an impossible situation where coming clean risks ending things, but continuing the deception means building a relationship on quicksand that’ll eventually collapse under its own weight.
It teaches people that honesty is a liability in dating.
If shrekking becomes normalised, it sends the message that being genuine and upfront is for mugs, and the only way to succeed in dating is through strategic misrepresentation of yourself. Experts worry this creates a race to the bottom where everyone’s playing games because they assume everyone else is too, making genuine connection nearly impossible in modern dating culture.
The relationship lacks a solid foundation of mutual understanding.
When someone falls for the shrekked version of you, they haven’t actually fallen for you at all. Instead, they’ve fallen for a performance, and that means the relationship is built on sand from the beginning. Therapists see couples all the time who started with one person not being fully honest, and unpicking that deception later is incredibly difficult because it undermines every memory and moment they thought they shared.
It creates anxiety about what else might be hidden.
Once someone realises you deliberately misled them about your appearance or personality, they start wondering what else you’re hiding and whether they can trust anything you’ve told them about yourself. Relationship experts say this erosion of trust is almost impossible to repair because the doubt gets planted so deep, and every future disagreement or discovery becomes evidence of more potential deception.
It wastes everyone’s time if compatibility was never really there.
If you have to trick someone into liking you, there’s a good chance you’re not actually compatible, and all the shrekking in the world won’t change the fundamental mismatch between what you both want. Experts point out that months or even years can be wasted in relationships that only existed because one person manipulated the other into giving them a chance they wouldn’t have got through honest interaction.
It makes the person doing it feel like they’re not enough as they are.
Deciding you need to shrеk someone suggests you don’t believe your authentic self is worthy of love, and that deep insecurity doesn’t disappear just because your strategy worked. Relationship therapists say people who resort to these tactics often end up feeling like frauds in their own relationships, constantly anxious that their partner will leave once they fully know the real them.
It normalises deception as an acceptable dating strategy.
The more people talk about shrekking like it’s just another harmless trend, the more it becomes socially acceptable to lie your way into relationships, and experts are genuinely worried about what this means for dating culture.
When manipulation gets rebranded as a clever tactic rather than called out as dishonest behaviour, it changes what people consider normal in relationships, and that cultural change makes authentic connection harder for everyone trying to date honestly.
