Nobody feels 100% confident all the time, but for those who are riddled with insecurity, the struggle is intensely real.
That’s because when you don’t back yourself, a number of things happen that make your life more stressful, tiring, and kind of miserable. You start doing things that you know are wrong or that don’t serve you, but you feel powerless to stop or change them. If you have any of these habits, chances are, your insecurities have got the better of you, and you’re desperately in need of some self-assurance.
1. They constantly check their social media for validation.
Insecure people find themselves compulsively checking likes, comments, and reactions to posts throughout the day, often refreshing the same platforms multiple times an hour. Each notification becomes a small hit of validation or a source of anxiety depending on the response they receive.
This habit creates an exhausting cycle where self-worth becomes dependent on external approval from people who might not even know them well. Break this pattern by setting specific times to check social media and focusing on creating content that feels authentic to you rather than crafted for maximum engagement.
2. They apologise for everything, even when they’ve done nothing wrong.
People who don’t back themselves always pepper their conversations with unnecessary apologies that actually diminish their credibility and make others uncomfortable. These reflexive apologies often come from fear of taking up space or being perceived as demanding.
Start catching yourself before you apologise, and ask whether you’ve actually done something wrong. Replace unnecessary apologies with “thank you” statements. Instead of “sorry I’m late,” try “thank you for waiting.” This transforms the energy from shame to gratitude.
3. They over-explain every decision and choice.
When someone asks a simple question, insecure people often launch into lengthy explanations about their reasoning, backstory, and potential alternatives they considered. They feel compelled to justify their choices because they’re not confident those choices are valid or acceptable.
Practise giving direct, concise answers without the elaborate justification. You don’t owe anyone a detailed explanation for your preferences, decisions, or actions. Your choices are valid simply because they’re yours, not because you can construct a compelling argument for them.
4. They fish for compliments through self-deprecation.
“I look terrible today,” “I’m so bad at this,” “I’m probably boring you” are the kinds of statements used as unconscious attempts to prompt reassurance from other people. While it might work occasionally, this habit makes conversations exhausting for everyone around you and reinforces negative self-talk.
When you catch yourself making self-deprecating comments, pause and consider what you’re really seeking. Instead of hoping others will contradict your negative statements, practice giving yourself the reassurance you’re looking for or simply stating facts without the negative spin.
5. They say yes to everything to avoid disappointing people
Insecure people often become chronic people-pleasers, agreeing to requests, invitations, and commitments they don’t actually want because saying no feels too scary. They’d rather be overwhelmed and resentful than face potential disapproval or conflict.
Start with small, low-stakes situations to practice saying no. Remember that disappointing someone occasionally is normal in healthy relationships. People who care about you will respect your boundaries, and those who don’t probably aren’t worth accommodating anyway.
6. They compare themselves to other people non-stop.
Every conversation becomes an opportunity for comparison: who’s more successful, attractive, funny, or accomplished. Insecure people maintain a mental scoreboard that keeps them focused on what they lack rather than appreciating what they have.
Notice when you’re making comparisons, and consciously redirect your attention to your own progress and goals. Everyone’s path is different, and comparing your behind-the-scenes reality to someone else’s highlight reel is inherently unfair to yourself.
7. They change their personality depending on who they’re with.
Insecure people often become social chameleons, adapting their interests, opinions, and even speaking style to match whatever they think will be most appealing to each person they encounter. It’s an exhausting performance that leaves them feeling disconnected from their authentic self.
Start small by sharing one genuine opinion or preference in each social interaction, even if it might not be universally popular. Building comfort with being authentic in low-stakes situations will help you maintain your identity in more important relationships.
8. They avoid taking up physical space.
Whether it’s hunching their shoulders, crossing their arms, or literally making themselves smaller in chairs, insecure people often try to minimise their physical presence. They might avoid sitting in prominent seats, speaking loudly enough to be heard, or taking up their fair share of space.
Practise confident body language even when you don’t feel confident inside: sit up straight, make eye contact, and allow yourself to take up appropriate space. Your physical presence often influences how people see and treat you, which can create a positive feedback loop for your confidence.
9. They procrastinate on important tasks to avoid potential failure.
Rather than risk doing something poorly, insecure people often delay starting projects, applying for opportunities, or pursuing goals. Procrastination feels safer than the possibility of trying and falling short of expectations. Set smaller, more manageable goals that feel less overwhelming. The fear of imperfection often paralyses insecure people, but taking action despite uncertainty builds confidence more effectively than waiting until you feel completely prepared.
10. They seek constant reassurance about their relationships.
People who lack self-confidence regularly check in on their relationships, interpreting normal fluctuations in mood or attention as signs of rejection or disapproval. Perhaps unsurprisingly, it’s incredibly wearing for the person on the receiving end.
Trust that most relationship problems will be communicated directly rather than through subtle mood changes. If you’re genuinely concerned about a relationship, have one direct conversation rather than seeking multiple small reassurances that never actually resolve your underlying anxiety.
11. They downplay their achievements and successes.
When something goes well for them, insecure people often attribute it to luck, timing, or other people’s help rather than acknowledging their own role in their success. They might deflect compliments or minimise accomplishments because accepting credit feels uncomfortable or arrogant.
Practise accepting compliments with a simple “thank you” instead of explaining why the praise isn’t deserved. Let yourself feel proud of your achievements and acknowledge the effort you put in, even if other factors also contributed to your success.
12. They obsess over past conversations and interactions.
Insecure people replay social experiences and conversations, constantly looking for signs of disapproval, awkwardness, or rejection. They analyse tone of voice, word choice, and body language, often finding problems that don’t actually exist or weren’t significant to the other person.
Recognise that most people aren’t analysing your interactions nearly as much as you are. When you catch yourself ruminating about a conversation, ask whether there’s any action you need to take. If not, consciously redirect your attention to present moment activities.
13. They find it hard to express their preferences or opinions.
“I don’t mind,” “whatever you want,” “I’m easy”—insecure people often avoid stating preferences because they’re afraid their choices will be wrong, unpopular, or create conflict. They’d rather go along with other people’s decisions than risk being disagreed with.
Start expressing preferences in low-stakes situations like choosing restaurants or activities. Having and expressing opinions is normal and healthy in relationships. Most people appreciate directness rather than having to guess what you actually want.
14. They collect external achievements to prove their worth.
Insecure people often become obsessed with accumulating credentials, accomplishments, or status symbols because they believe these external markers will finally make them feel worthy or confident. They pursue achievements not for personal satisfaction, but to prove something to other people.
Focus on pursuing goals that align with your genuine interests and values, rather than what looks impressive to everyone else. External achievements can enhance your life, but they can’t fix underlying insecurity. True confidence comes from accepting yourself as worthy, regardless of your accomplishments.
