People who work in hospices hear the same regrets over and over from those facing their final days, and it turns out most people aren’t lying there wishing they’d made more money or bought a bigger house. The stuff people actually regret is usually much more straightforward and fixable than you’d think. Here are some of the most common shoulda, woulda, couldas they hear, and how to avoid falling into these traps in your own life.
1. “I should’ve just been myself instead of trying to please everyone.”
Loads of people spend their whole lives trying to be what their parents, partners, or random acquaintances think they should be, then realise at the end that they never actually figured out who they were underneath all that people-pleasing. They picked careers and relationships based on what looked good rather than what felt right.
The fix is pretty simple: start making small choices based on what you actually want, rather than what you think you should want. Order the food you like, wear clothes that make you happy, and stop pretending to enjoy things just because other people expect you to.
2. “I worked way too much and missed all the good stuff.”
The classic workaholic regret is realising that all those extra hours and missed family dinners didn’t actually matter, but the stuff they sacrificed for work definitely did. Turns out, nobody’s deathbed wish is spending more time answering emails or impressing their boss.
Set some actual boundaries around work and stick to them, even when it feels weird or like you’re being lazy. Your job will survive if you don’t check emails after 7pm, but your relationships and sanity might not survive if you never switch off.
3. “I never told people I loved them enough.”
Tons of people regret not expressing their feelings to important people while they had the chance, assuming there would be more time or that people just knew without being told. Turns out, most people are terrible mind readers and actually need to hear these things out loud.
Just start telling people when they matter to you, when they’ve helped you, or when you’re grateful for them. It feels awkward at first but gets easier, and most people are genuinely happy to hear it, even if they act embarrassed.
4. “I let fear stop me from doing things I wanted to try.”
People regret all the adventures they didn’t take, conversations they didn’t have, and opportunities they passed up because they were scared of looking stupid, failing, or stepping outside their comfort zone. Fear kept them in safe but boring boxes their whole lives.
Start doing small scary things regularly to build up your courage muscle. Apply for jobs you’re not sure you’re qualified for, talk to people you find interesting, try hobbies that seem fun even if you might be rubbish at them. Most fears are way worse in your head than in reality.
5. “I held grudges for way too long.”
Carrying anger and resentment for years turns out to be exhausting and pointless, but people often realise this too late to do anything about it. They wasted energy being bitter about stuff that didn’t matter instead of just moving on with their lives.
This doesn’t mean you have to forgive people who genuinely hurt you, but holding onto everyday annoyances and minor slights is just making your own life worse. Let go of the small stuff and save your energy for things that actually matter.
6. “I cared too much about what people thought.”
People spend ridiculous amounts of mental energy worrying about the opinions of people they don’t even like, then realise at the end that most people were too busy thinking about themselves to judge anyway. All that anxiety about looking foolish was basically wasted effort.
Try doing things that might make you look slightly silly or imperfect, and notice that the world doesn’t end. Sing badly at karaoke, ask dumb questions, wear clothes that make you happy even if they’re not trendy. Other people’s opinions are much less important than they seem.
7. “I didn’t travel enough when I had the chance.”
People regret not seeing more of the world when they were young, healthy, and mobile, instead always putting off trips for “someday” when they had more money, time, or fewer responsibilities. Someday often never comes, or comes when travel is much harder.
You don’t need to quit your job and backpack around the world, but make some effort to see new places while you can. Take weekend trips, use your holiday days, and stop waiting for the perfect time or perfect budget. Even local adventures count.
8. “I didn’t take care of my health until it was too late.”
Ignoring their bodies for decades then being surprised when everything starts falling apart is a common regret. People wish they’d exercised more, eaten better, and dealt with stress instead of just pushing through everything until their health forced them to stop.
Start with tiny changes that don’t feel overwhelming. Walk more, eat a few more vegetables, get slightly better sleep, and actually go to the doctor when something feels wrong. Your future self will thank you for basic maintenance.
9. “I didn’t spend enough time with people I loved.”
People regret prioritising work, chores, or other obligations over just hanging out with family and friends. They wish they’d made more effort to stay in touch, visit more often, and be properly present instead of always being distracted by other stuff.
Make time for people you care about an actual priority, not something you’ll get around to eventually. Call your friends, visit your family, and put your phone away when you’re with people who matter. Relationships need attention to stay strong.
10. “I never learned to enjoy the moment.”
Always being focused on the next goal, the next problem, or the next thing to worry about means people miss most of their actual lives happening right in front of them. They realise too late that happiness was available all along, they just never paid attention to it.
Start noticing good moments as they happen instead of always thinking about what’s next. Appreciate your morning coffee, enjoy conversations with friends, and actually taste your food instead of wolfing it down while thinking about other things.
11. “I didn’t pursue my creative interests.”
Loads of people have secret dreams about writing, painting, music, or other creative pursuits that they never seriously attempted because they thought they weren’t talented enough, or it was too late to start. They regret not trying, even if they wouldn’t have been brilliant at it.
Start creating things for the fun of it rather than to be good at it. Take classes, join groups, or just mess around with creative projects at home. The point isn’t to become famous, it’s to enjoy the process and express yourself.
12. “I didn’t stand up for myself enough.”
People regret letting others walk all over them, not speaking up when they disagreed, and generally being too passive about their own lives. They wish they’d been braver about setting boundaries and advocating for themselves when it mattered.
Practise saying no to things you don’t want to do and yes to things you do want, even when it feels uncomfortable. Start with small situations and work your way up to bigger ones. Your needs and opinions matter as much as anyone else’s.
13. “I took everything too seriously.”
People regret being so worried about doing everything perfectly and making the “right” choices that they forgot to actually enjoy their lives. They wish they’d laughed more, worried less, and remembered that most problems weren’t as big as they seemed at the time.
Try to find humour in everyday annoyances and remember that most things that stress you out won’t matter in a year. Take your responsibilities seriously, but not yourself so seriously that you forget to have fun along the way.
14. “I didn’t appreciate what I had while I had it.”
The biggest regret is often realising how good things actually were during periods that felt difficult or boring at the time. People wish they’d appreciated their health, relationships, and opportunities instead of always focusing on what was missing or wrong.
Make gratitude a regular practice, even for ordinary things like having a roof over your head, people who care about you, or just being able to walk around without pain. Most of what you have right now is stuff you used to hope for.
